HIV anxiety

[HoneyBx]

I have this history of being obsessed with HIV.

I had sex with 4 different guys in my life nad I'm a 22yr old female, and im not practicing unsafe sex(vaginal/anal-ALWAYS with a condom). So basically this obsession started 4 years ago, when i had unprotected oral sex. My mind went CRAZY. I know that chances of becoming HIV+ after unprotected oral sex are very low, but all I could think was "what if". I suffered for a year until I finally decided for testing. It was negative, obviously. I tested 84 days after the exposure, and even after I got a negative test results back, my mind went "what if you're one of the few people who develop antibodies after 6 months?". I waited for another 3 months, tested again, negative. After that I still couldnt convince myself that I'm completely healthy.

Ok so what happened couple of months ago is that i got drunk with a friend of mine, one thing led to another and i gave him a *******. Stupid of me, I know. i've known this person for like 2 years and we're really good friends. I live in a country in Europe where aproximatelly 310 people are living with HIV(that's how many people we're diagnosed with HIV in the last 12 years). somehow I convinced myself that this friend of mine(heterosexual male, never used drugs, doesnt have a risky lifestlye in a sense of having multiple sex partners) is 100% HIV positive and that I must have contracted the virus that night. I know it's silly, but I just cant help myself but worry all the time. I didn't have any sympoms btw, but I'm still worried SICK to go for a testing again.

I've been dealing with depression and anxiety all my life, i don't know what's the reason but somehow I'm convinced that my life is too good to be true. I have a loving family, roof over my head and lots of friends. But this HIV anxiety is ruining my life.

I don't know what to do. My question is, is unprotected oral sex really a low chance to contract HIV? Is all this result of an axiety or was i relly exposed to HIV?

Tthank you for all your comments!


HoneyB

[RubyWitch]

How, exactly, have you been "dealing" with your life-long struggle with anxiety and depression? Are you on medications? In therapy? Both? If not, I strongly urge you to start by seeing a payschiatrist for a correct diagnosis, taking medication if prescribed and getting referred to a therapist well versed in anxiety/depression. I'm not a doctor but I think I can say safely say that you definitely have HIV Anxiety. You said yourself that it's ruining your life, and it will continue to.......until you get help.
You need to find out what is at the root of your anxiety and depression and deal with it. You say you have a loving family and lots of friends, so I'm sure they will all be very supportive while you heal.

There has NEVER been a documented case of anyone aquiring HIV from oral sex. Spend some time, if you haven't already, on our HIV Prevention Forum and you will soon learn all you need to know about the risks, or lack thereof, from oral sex.
Briefly I will tell you why oral sex is NOT a risk. Two things will almost instantly render the virus inactive and those are air and saliva, both of which are abundant in your mouth. Another fact to keep in mind is that the virus cannot remain active outside of it's living host.

Bottom line, you had no risk............even if your friend is HIV+

Spend your money on therapy, which you need, not tests, which you don't.
Peace
Greenlydia
  

[HoneyBx]

******* is supposed to be oral sex, i didn't know they censor certain words.Sorry about that.