My boyfriend suffers from a general anxiety disorder and I need your opinion. We are thinking about moving in together and getting married but we are not sure because of his anxiety. It's somewhere in the middle in terms of how bad it is. Some days he is all fine and some days he is all messed up - usually he gets all irritable, has to run somewhere and do something just to try to get rid of feeling anxious, he gets stomach problems, sometimes mild panic attacks, depression, fatigue...Then some days or parts of the days he is totally fine. He used to take meds (not sure what) and it lows his sex drive a lot and makes him depressed.
So the question is - how likely is a stable happy relationship in our case? I do understand the disorder (as best as I can not having one myself), but it still drives me nuts sometimes. We do have fights about it and often feel like we are ready to just end the relationship so he could deal with his disorder without me adding pressure on him. I am a pretty impatient person myself and I am trying my best but I just can't handle it sometimes. I love him but I am worried to commit to our marriage if this is only going to create more problems and make everything worse for both of us.
wow , i would look into it before you jump. i have anxiety and my marrage is awesome, my husband stands beside me in every way, hes there for me when i need that extra hand or shoulder to lay on . never cuts me down or thinks am crazy for having anxiety. we never fight over it , so if ya are having that problem already , i think ya need to think long and hard about it , it can cause lots problems if ya let it , key word is LOVE and can ya get through the bad times with the anxiety do you love him enough to help him get through it and be there for him , thats what he needs . if you dont understand and cant support him 100 percent than dont do it , walk away now, you will only hurt you and him. if he gets on meds that will help but a long the way he will still have troubles, i Thank GOD everyday for a man who is so ubderstanding of me and cares enought to be ther for me and give me the support that i need to pull out of it . i have it now and than and am not on meds , just when i really need them but if not for my husband being there for me and i knowing he was and he cares so much about me than i not sure where i would be today. if you love him enought you will go through the hard times with him , but if any doudt dont do it . i wish ya all the luck.
Thank youheartflutters - this is very wise and I am happy for your marriage.
My other concern is heredity. I am 30 and I want to have children soon but with our genes - I am just not sure. I had alcoholism in my family and he has anxiety in his - his grandfather had it too..I know this is ultimately the decision that we 2 need to make and we'll try our best to do the right thing. But it helps to know experience of others.
I had been married for 10 years now I have anxiety disorder for years and my husband is good with me. He knows Im anxious and worry so much. He tells me to dont worry but its easy said than done. Just keep supporting him dont get upset with him it makes matters worst. I agree everything what heartflutters says support him 100 percent. I t will work out.
yes anxiety can be heredity, i have 4 sisters and we all have it , but we are not on meds full time either, we all have our months when we need that little help but its not like we take meds 24/7. nothing wrong with that either if i need them belive me i will take them. my mom also has it and does take a ssri everyday but just started taking it this year after a very hard year with cancer and lots surgery, almost did all of us in . but life is looking up . so yes my dr says if one has it the others could or you might get blessed and your children not have it at all. wish you best of luck.
You say your boyfriend suffers from a "general anxiety disorder". How does it effect his life i.e. is he afraid of leaving the house, afraid of getting a panic attack. Is he constantly worried about his health, about dying etc. How does it interfere with his and your lifes to the point where you end up fighting over it?
If you already had fights about it as you say I'm afraid the fighting over it wont stop once you are married. What does he do about his anxiety? If he is in therapy you might want to go with him to understand it better. Read books about it.
Most of all he needs to get help to get his fears under control, but that can take time sometimes. You've to be patient and not judgmental. Have you ever witnessed him having a panic attack?
If your love is strong enough you will learn to live with his anxiety. It will be a challenging time for you, I'd not rush into marriage yet. Live together for awhile and see how you can handle his anxiety, watch what he is doing about it as in wanting to help himself.
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