High Anxiety and stress, why?

First time here.
Im Max
Making a long story short, very anxious and stress out. I'm a 43 years old single male. I was raped by a friend of mine when I was about 12, I started going to therapy in my country (latin america), I immigrated to the states at 14, I had tons of jobs (very unstable), I have been in therapy here quite a few times, taken pills, etc. I have sex with guys and then I feel anxious, i have sex with women and I feel ok. There is an impulse to have sex with guys, 98 % i give sex, I never had a relationship with girls that lasted more than 18 months, never had a relationship with guys either that lasted a while. I don,t feel an attraction to  guys like most gay guys. I only enjoy sex with women cause i don,t feel anxious afterward. I started a job a few days ago and I was so anxious that I quit the job, I was unable to sleep and this job was 34 miles away in a bad location, I feel very irritable, I feel anxious next to people i think, I have problems with people because I'm so irritable.



What I want the most is work and be stable in a job, i quit my last therapy because if i recall my therapist insinuated that by avoiding my feelings about guys I was bring all these anxiety to me.

I will go to therapy on December 18, 2009.

I appreciate any feedback on my problems, thank you very much...bye  

[silverberg]

first off I would stay with therapy and NOT TELL YOUR NEW DR. what the other one said, which made yhou stop going. The only reason I say not to tell him that is because this way when he brings up that same point to you, you may start to believe that the first therapest may be right, being raped by a guy at a young age does not make you gay, but like rape itself can lead to allot of trust issues, I can only go by what you wrote here, but seems you are in denile of your selxuality, and by stopping your first therapist, he must of hit a nerve that was to hard to work on at this time, so if your next therapist brings this same situation up, please take your time to work out your feelings. Gays get allot of bad press, most rapes are by hetrosexuals and most child molesters, ready for this are 99.9% HETROSEXUAL.  they both are bad but I think and only going by what you write, you are having some major anxiety about your sexuality. wish you the best of luck and always play safe, that includes with both sexes!