How do i get help when I'm afraid of it?

[shindora]

So I've dealt with anxiety and deppression issues since childhood.  I've taken every single medication available most seem to work for awhile then eventually quit on me.  About a year and a half ago my anxiety got to be at it's worse so I started on a new medication (pristiq) which had worked well up until recently.  About a month ago I noticed my symptoms getting bad again, fears of me or my loved ones dying have once again taken over my brain.  It's all I can seem to think about.  I don't want to go anywhere because I'm afraid I will die, allso I don't want my family to go anywhere because I just KNOW in my mind that something bad will happen to them.  I have xanax for anxiety but am afraid to take them because I feel like I may not be aware enough to avoid danger.  I'm just getting so tired of this and want to be normal again and enjoy things normal people do without fear of danger.  Everyone around me is getting really tired of this too because I can't follow through with any plans, I always cancel last minute because my fears get the best of me.  Many people have suggested I go to therapy, but that's the problem, I'm so afraid of somebody getting inside my head and seeing just how messed up I really am!  I've been to therapist before but all I do is bs my way through it and move on.  How do I get help when I can't be completely honest about what is going on with me?  

[shindora]

I will keep you posted.  Just coming here and seeing that I am not the only one who feels this way makes me feel a little less "weird."  I'm going to try really hard to be honest about everything and hopefully I will be able to find someone who I feel I can talk to easily.  Alot of people in my family don't really understand so this is a great place for that, thank you all for understanding.

[MrGreen]

Well done Shindora. For taking the first steps. Give yourself credit were credit is due. I hope you can take things forward here. We are here for you. Keep us all posted.

[meatball01]

I think you should call your family doctor today and tell him/her that you want an appointment set up asap! It took 3 weeks for me to get an appointment.

[shindora]

Yes I do want help more than anything!  I just want to be normal, living in constant fear is hardly fun.  I have an appointment with my family doc next thursday and I'm going to talk to him about refering me to somebody.  I'm hoping to find someone I can trust to be honest with, it's really hard for me.  Thanks for the support everyone!

[MrGreen]

Just to add in that the only person who can help you is you come the end of the day. By saying that I mean you must want the help. If you don't want the help then there is no point even talking about the word help. We all fear the truth. What is causing us to be the way we are. We might have some big bad dark secret. It is only holding you back. The more you keep those secrets locked away the more they will grind you down. So you are only hurting yourself and missing out on life as you do so. That to me would be good enough reason to get help. I would want my life back. Talking can be good. Not as bad as you might think. You learn a lot at theraphy. Ways to manage your fears. Ways to get back out there. To get your life back. But in order to do so you must be willing to give as well. To talk. To put yourself out there were your biggest fears are. It's all worth it once you are living that life again.

[nora006]

Hello.

You might not like this answer, but I agree with what people around you already suggested about therapy, based on what you say about the nature of your anxiety and getting so sick and tired of it hindering you.
Catastrophic thinking is a learned vicious cycle and can easily get out of hand and eventually get the power to stop you from doing things you would love to do. The cycle is self-perpetuating and that is why it can be difficult to break.

You ask how you can get help if you can't be completely honest about your anxieties.
I guess the first thing you have to acknowledge if you're going to get help is that you need help and that it is going to be a little unpleasant, at first. At the end of the day it's really a question of making that decision that you ARE going to help yourself, and you ARE going to rise above the anxious feelings you have of being honest about what's going on. Then YOU're taking command. Anxiety doesn't like that much, but that's how it's going to be.
You can do it.

Nora

[RubyWitch]

I can understand the fear of therapy you're dealing with. It is difficult to make ourselves vulnerable to a virtual stranger. But the enitire point of therapy IS to let someone into your head, see how messed up you think you are, and then begin to help you deal with it. And until you deal with it, it's never going to go away. And the vast majority of us are not as messed up as we fear we are! Your fear is very common...........but you DO have to be very honest in therapy. To simply BS your way through a session is a total waste of time, money and energy. You say you've tried therapy, have BS'd your way through the session and then "move on." Move on to WHAT? You haven't moved on at all. In my humble opinion, it's time for you to take the bull by the horns and give therapy a REAL chance to help you. I believe that if you stick with it, gain trust in your therapist, you will find that it becomes easier and easier to be honest. Get past that barrier of hiding your feelings and I think you'll see the floodgates opening.
Why you feel you can't be honest with a therapist is something only you can answer. But only honesty will reap you any rewards.
What do you have to lose?
Peace
Greenlydia