Aa
Hyperaware of death after panic attacks have stopped
Hi
About three years ago, for a period of two months, I was having terrible panic attacks. I'm sure most of you have experienced the type: panic attacks that just shatter the life you thought you knew and left you with a ruin that you have no idea what to do with.
Anyway, after that two months I never really had full-on panic attacks again. I just figured out my personal way to overcome them. (For those interested, all I did was just steel myself and ALLOW the panic attack to make me over, and the instant when I completely submitted to it, it would pass. It was trying to fight off the feeling or avoid it that brought all the horrible symptoms.)
I've never gone back to "normal", but I think I've done better than I could have since I figured out a way to deal with the attacks. But since then there's always been sort of low-level, constant depression/anxiety/hypochondria eating at the back of my mind. There's been spikes where it's gotten kind of bad, but then I've also had very good days/weeks.
But in the last six months I've been (even more so) hyperaware of impending death. When I had my first panic attack I was so SURE that I was dying I just whole-heartedly ACCEPTED it, and the fact that I didn't die always left a part of me sort of dazed. But since then I've been constantly sensitive to the idea that death is coming, and I always have this nagging feeling that it's coming SOON and it's GOING TO HAPPEN. Every night I try to sleep I have to toss and turn over the idea that death is coming and I don't know when. And then I worry about my family dying, and how I know I won't be able to handle that.
It also affects me in having any creative sort of hobbies. I used to love drawing, writing, and learning languages. Now, any hobby that takes any sort of physical or mental power I just can't bring myself to do. I feel like there's no point in working on improving a skill, since I'm going to die so soon.
I occasionally use death as reasoning for other things, too. For example: If I'm deciding on if I should splurge on something, I'll reason that I could die tomorrow, so who cares?
Death hangs over me like the shadow of a cloud and taints anything I could enjoy. I feel rushed and lethargic at once. Like "OMG there's so many things I want to do before I die" but then "But I will never be able to accomplish what I want before I die, so why even try?"
Ugh, I'm sorry this is so long, and I don't feel like I expressed myself well. This...state of mind, feeling, whatever you want to call it-- it's far bigger and complex than I could ever explain.
Especially tonight, I just need to know I'm not alone....
About three years ago, for a period of two months, I was having terrible panic attacks. I'm sure most of you have experienced the type: panic attacks that just shatter the life you thought you knew and left you with a ruin that you have no idea what to do with.
Anyway, after that two months I never really had full-on panic attacks again. I just figured out my personal way to overcome them. (For those interested, all I did was just steel myself and ALLOW the panic attack to make me over, and the instant when I completely submitted to it, it would pass. It was trying to fight off the feeling or avoid it that brought all the horrible symptoms.)
I've never gone back to "normal", but I think I've done better than I could have since I figured out a way to deal with the attacks. But since then there's always been sort of low-level, constant depression/anxiety/hypochondria eating at the back of my mind. There's been spikes where it's gotten kind of bad, but then I've also had very good days/weeks.
But in the last six months I've been (even more so) hyperaware of impending death. When I had my first panic attack I was so SURE that I was dying I just whole-heartedly ACCEPTED it, and the fact that I didn't die always left a part of me sort of dazed. But since then I've been constantly sensitive to the idea that death is coming, and I always have this nagging feeling that it's coming SOON and it's GOING TO HAPPEN. Every night I try to sleep I have to toss and turn over the idea that death is coming and I don't know when. And then I worry about my family dying, and how I know I won't be able to handle that.
It also affects me in having any creative sort of hobbies. I used to love drawing, writing, and learning languages. Now, any hobby that takes any sort of physical or mental power I just can't bring myself to do. I feel like there's no point in working on improving a skill, since I'm going to die so soon.
I occasionally use death as reasoning for other things, too. For example: If I'm deciding on if I should splurge on something, I'll reason that I could die tomorrow, so who cares?
Death hangs over me like the shadow of a cloud and taints anything I could enjoy. I feel rushed and lethargic at once. Like "OMG there's so many things I want to do before I die" but then "But I will never be able to accomplish what I want before I die, so why even try?"
Ugh, I'm sorry this is so long, and I don't feel like I expressed myself well. This...state of mind, feeling, whatever you want to call it-- it's far bigger and complex than I could ever explain.
Especially tonight, I just need to know I'm not alone....
Hi there. We all have differeing opinions and I am going to spout out mine here. You have done a marvalous job with managing your panic attacks. The truth is the more we fight them the worse the symptoms are. You just letting it flow over you and away is one way to combat them. There are other ways to be sure which can be employed when a panic attack starts but in the end whatever gets you through it is great.
What you are now stuck on is the obsessive thought of dying. We are all going to die at some point but your thinking has become irrational. You are doing things in your daily life based on the irrational thought that you are going to die soon. It seems that this is not only bad for your mental health but could also be bad for your financial health.
Now a little about me. I have OCD which leads to anxiety which leads to depression. Wellbutrin is the best medication I have ever taken. It has given me my life back and does not adversely affect a person's sex life :) like the SSRIs. So in short, the Wellbutrin will be a benefit for you.
I will agree with the above poster that medication sometimes is not enough. You have basically taught yourself one form of CBT but a psychologist can teach you others that may in the end make the Wellbutrin unnecessary. Sometimes a therpaist is out of reach for people but if it is in your reach, it is worth learning these techniques. It also does sound that you are pretty much stuck on this one irrational thought and professional therapeutic help is most likely needed to really overcome it.
This last go around for me, I just went back on meds. I had already been down the therapy route many, many years ago and trust me the techniques stay with you. I employ them often.
So best of luck and I know for sure you can get over this irrational thought with the right help. So go out there and get your life back...you deserve it!
What you are now stuck on is the obsessive thought of dying. We are all going to die at some point but your thinking has become irrational. You are doing things in your daily life based on the irrational thought that you are going to die soon. It seems that this is not only bad for your mental health but could also be bad for your financial health.
Now a little about me. I have OCD which leads to anxiety which leads to depression. Wellbutrin is the best medication I have ever taken. It has given me my life back and does not adversely affect a person's sex life :) like the SSRIs. So in short, the Wellbutrin will be a benefit for you.
I will agree with the above poster that medication sometimes is not enough. You have basically taught yourself one form of CBT but a psychologist can teach you others that may in the end make the Wellbutrin unnecessary. Sometimes a therpaist is out of reach for people but if it is in your reach, it is worth learning these techniques. It also does sound that you are pretty much stuck on this one irrational thought and professional therapeutic help is most likely needed to really overcome it.
This last go around for me, I just went back on meds. I had already been down the therapy route many, many years ago and trust me the techniques stay with you. I employ them often.
So best of luck and I know for sure you can get over this irrational thought with the right help. So go out there and get your life back...you deserve it!
I would suggest a comprehensive discussion with a mental health professional. In your case, throwing medicine at you may or may not help mask any underlying problems by allowing you to function, and since you're not actively trying to conquer your anxiety, the medication can only do so much for you.
Preoccupation with death is a common anxiety issue- I'm in no way a mental health professional, but as a fellow anxiety-sufferer, hyperfocusing on death and mortality is described as a common symptom of anxiety, depression and a few other mental health disorders. A diagnosis for you might allow you to start taking medication more specifically targeted towards your problems, and to begin treatment to overcome them! Speaking personally, it always discourages me how many doctors throw medicine at people to mitigate symptoms without addressing the actual problem.
Your coping mechanism for anxiety doesn't sound too healthy to me- accepting the panic attack's power over you as just a symptom of your illness is an interesting way to end the attack, but you don't mention anywhere trying to stop the actual attack before it starts. Medical and/or nonmedical therapies can do this, and behavioral therapies can teach you to learn how to minimize and live with your anxiety without degrading your quality of life.
Anxiety and depression do go hand-in-hand, so I hope that you'll start putting in the effort to seek professional assistance to combat the problem rather than surrendering to it or simply trying to cover it up with chemical assistance. Good luck to you, and keep in touch.
Preoccupation with death is a common anxiety issue- I'm in no way a mental health professional, but as a fellow anxiety-sufferer, hyperfocusing on death and mortality is described as a common symptom of anxiety, depression and a few other mental health disorders. A diagnosis for you might allow you to start taking medication more specifically targeted towards your problems, and to begin treatment to overcome them! Speaking personally, it always discourages me how many doctors throw medicine at people to mitigate symptoms without addressing the actual problem.
Your coping mechanism for anxiety doesn't sound too healthy to me- accepting the panic attack's power over you as just a symptom of your illness is an interesting way to end the attack, but you don't mention anywhere trying to stop the actual attack before it starts. Medical and/or nonmedical therapies can do this, and behavioral therapies can teach you to learn how to minimize and live with your anxiety without degrading your quality of life.
Anxiety and depression do go hand-in-hand, so I hope that you'll start putting in the effort to seek professional assistance to combat the problem rather than surrendering to it or simply trying to cover it up with chemical assistance. Good luck to you, and keep in touch.
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