Hypochondria after having cancer twice

[diane493]

I've been dealing with horrible hypochondria anxiety since the Stage IIIB Colon Cancer in Jan. 2009 returned to a small spot on my liver in April 2012. I had 80% of my liver removed and no follow up chemo. All tests (including a PET/CT Oct. 2013) have been great.

I freak out over everything health related.

Today I was moving a baby gate and accidentally touched a pile of puppy poop (hubby was supposed to take care of her while I was out last night) and got it all over one hand.  Cleaned up the mess, scrubbed my hand twice, cleaned under my nails, used an aerosol hand spray that kills MRSA in 5 seconds and am still terrified!

I'm on .5 mg Klonopin 2 times a day and it does help, but I want my old self back!

Suggestions?

[Paxiled]

Look, you don't have hypochondria, that's when you have no reason to be concerned.  After what you've been through it's perfectly rational to be anxious and concerned.  I know you have money concerns, but you also have what we'll just shorthand as something like PTSD from your experience.  Therapy is very important for your health, so I hope you find some way to find a professional to talk with who knows how to deal with past trauma.  Getting on top of things quickly will save you money in the long run.  Good luck.

[diane493]

Thanks.  I don't want to ever have to go thru such horrible surgery again and I hate the burden it puts on my family.

I need to focus on the fact that I feel great and have no known health problems.  Good BP/ blood sugar/ reg. thyroid test/ CBC,  everything.

Today my 'fear' is when I start to doze off during a nap SOMEDAYS I feel very chilled for just a second.  Only SOME days and my body temp already runs 96.9 -97.2 so a core body temp drop would trigger that.  It's been happening since I went thru chemo AND I take daily aspirin which thins your blood and thin blood can cause you to feel cold..... but today I'm worried about that.  Disease of the day..... that has no name.

[anxiety860]

Oh ok I understand. Sorry I was a little confused. Again I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Remember though you're a survivor and beat if twice already. It's great your October results were fine. I'm sorry I can't help you more. I've never been through anything like this. I know I don't know you but for you to beat it twice already means you are a VERY strong woman.  

[diane493]

Cancer spread does not have the same symptoms. In fact, when cancer was found in my liver, I had no symptoms.

Thanks!  I take Klonopin .5mg twice a day to help.

[anxiety860]

Another good thing your results in October were good!

[anxiety860]

You have already beat this disease once so you know you have the strength and the power to beat it again. BUT who even says that you have it?? How did you find out you had it in the first place? Problems that made you go to the doctor? If so are you having those same problems?  I can only imagine how you feel :( I'm so sorry. My cousin had a VERY RARE kidney cancer had her kidney removed and now has to get scans every 3 months. It's no fun. But you shouldn't assume that it is back. Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but you don't get anywhere doing it. I hope your results come back good! Do you have anything to ease your mind?

[diane493]

Anxiety is super high right now. I have my 6 month PET scan on April 11th and get the results on April 15th.  It's been two years. The average time for recurrence is 31 months.  I'm absolutely terrified.

[diane493]

Yeah.. between all those PET/CT scans, dental xrays someone would have noticed it if it were something to worry about.  

[anxiety860]

It very well could be! When I move my jaw to the left/right I can feel something weird too right in front of my ear. Again I am no doctor... but shoot if it has been there for over 20 years I am sure it's nothing. If it was something serious the doctors would have surly noticed something off too after all this time..

[diane493]

I am 63 as of a few weeks ago.  

Under our new insurance, we pay $540 a month and a $1500 per person deductible.  Hubby now brings home $766 a MONTH so doctor visits will have to wait.  I had PET/CT scans twice a year and my co pay throws me over the deductible. That's mid April.

Heck, this could even be  a bone spur or chipped off bone from my years and years of TMJ.

[anxiety860]

I get that just about everyday!  Do you mind me asking your age?  I'm so sorry you have been through everything that you have gone through.  Whenever you have anxiety you can remember how strong of a person you are and everything you have overcome already! I am no doctor, so if it would really make you feel better you can get it looked it.  What I told you was just my personal experience.

[diane493]

Thanks.  Seems like I have 'disease of the day' syndrome.  

[anxiety860]

I have been to two different doctors about lymph nodes in my neck.  From what those two doctors told me, one that size is nothing to worry about.  You know it is nothing to worry about too since you have had it for over 20 years.  I was freaked out about every lymph node in my neck also.  Saw two different doctors and they did blood work to ease my mind.  I know this is much easier for me to say then for you to believe especially after all you have been through.  Try to remember though you have had it for over 20 years.  It would have been a problem by now if it was anything more then a usual lymph node.  If it makes you feel better I can feel 4-5 in my neck/ear area bigger then the one you are describing too.

[diane493]

It's bad today.  I'm fixated on a 'smaller than half a pea' lymph node in front of my ear that has been there over 20 years.  I've posted here asking for someone to answer, but they seldom do anymore.

http://www.medhelp.org/posts/General-Health/Preauricular-lymph-node--Remained-same-size-20--years-/show/2083171?personal_page_id=2744857

[diane493]

No.  I'm not in counseling.  We are super low income and have insurance where we have to pay the first $3000 out of pocket before they pay one cent.  I've talked with my pastor and with my primary but never know when something like 'touching puppy poop' will ruin my whole day.

At least, with the medication, I'm not running to the doctor today.  Six months ago I would have been there before the water was dry on my hands!

[cj29]

Having health anxiety after going through something like that is quite understandable in my opinion.  You have been through a lot, so make sure that you recognize that and give yourself credit for getting through what you have gotten through.  Are you in counseling right now?  If not, why not talk this through with a therapist if you have access to one.  For me, talking it through helped me with my health anxiety.  There are steps you learn to confront and deal with it.  Learning about it, in my experience, is the best way to understand it and therefore, beat it...keep us posted!