I am a stupid idiot!!!

[WorriedScared11]

Slap me because i am so F-in stupid!! Please!!!

i was doing so good. no drugs, alchohol, cigs, caffeine for a couple weeks. My anxiety was virtually non-existant. I am on top of the world!

...and what do I do???? Do you dare ask?

The first time i go out in a while...i am confronted with these things and next thing you know its 3 days later and i am finally coming out of my haze. Anxious as F*CK...thinking i got every disease known to man...

this time its a brain tumour!

i deserve a slap.....the sick part is a little part of me wants to party again tonight! i am a mess.

i need some serious F-in help before i end up killing myself with worry and stress. AAARRRRRRRGHHH!!I&(*^#$R&*

[WorriedScared11]

thats great advice.

I find myself worrying about my health the most. If i get a chest pain or something, i automatically associate it with lung cancer. Or if i have a headache, i think...oh i have a brain tumor. The severity of it is directly linked with how long and how deep i focus on it.

I can go for a whole month thinking i have a terminal illness...all because of a little chest pain or headache.

I once went a whole year convinced i had AIDS because i got a pimple on my private parts. I prepared for death, wrote letters to all my loved ones, planned my funeral....the whole nine. I finally snapped out of it and got tested...what a relief that was.

As i get older i am starting to recognize it is anxiety causing my brain to think these things...so its getting easier to convince myself its just anxiety. But i still fall into these holes and spiral into a deep miserable hole of depression.

You're right, i need to identify the triggers and deal with them before they get bad. I will work on that skill.

Thanks so much!!!

[MJIthewriter]

It helps with controling the anxiety if you can spot triggers right before the big break-out.  I notice with myself, I'll start to feel tense before an attack. I've found impatence to be a major trigger.

For instance if I find myself waiting too long, I'll get antsy.  I start to feel like I've been in the place forever...  Another trigger is if I am going with someone and get separated. We don't seem to meet up...and then I'm stuck waiting for the person to arrive and the anxiety builds up...  I mentally realize the person hasn't left without me, and it is some comfort, but still doesn't remove the anxiety until I find them.

I try to work out a system if I can so we don't get separated but on occasion it happens. I'm still trying to find coping mechenisms for that situation. I discovered that the gorcery store info center can hold my bags, so I'm relieved of the anxiety having to carry my purchased items in and out multiple stores in the plaza.  I'm also trying to see if I can have a copy of grandma's car keys so I can at least put my items or wait in the car.

Trigger thoughts: "When will this be over?" "Will I be stuck here for the rest  of the day?" "I wish I could be doing x right now." "I'm going to miss out on x if we don't hurry right now!" "I can't find x, where is it? I want it NOW!"  and probably a number more as the situations come up...

[WorriedScared11]

yah i know the difference between withdrawal and anxiety.

i can control my withdrawal. the anxiety however........

my doc is good...she just believes that i can do this on my own without medication. she is right, i just have been really weak lately.

actually after this weekend i have been feeling a lot better.

thank you to everyone who posted in here....it helps so much knowing someone out there knows what i am going through.

just talking about it takes the weight off my shoulders.

thanks!!!!!!!!

[MJIthewriter]

If you are taking drugs (abusing) and were doing so on a regular basis, your anxiety may be partially withdrawal symptoms. If that's the case you may have to talk to your doctor and see if there is a way to taper off. If that doctor isn't willing to help, it's time to find another.

I second the comment about finding a therapist.  This forum is good, but it can't replace professional and medical support.

[lowT]

I think your Dr needs to be told just how bad you are feeling and maybe some medication might be prescribed, it's a hard road to travel with therapy and medication but harder still without.
You sound like your having a very hard time if this Dr doesn't seem interested try another.

Have you checked your local community for support groups, or a goverment funded therapy program?

It may be worth having your Dr test your hormone levels, i suffer from terrible symptoms with my anxiety and was recently diagnosed with low Testosterone levels, i cant tell you if correcting this level will help because i am still waiting to see if i can get treatment.

[WorriedScared11]

i cant afford it my friend.

my only therapy is this forum.

[JSGeare]

And your therapist says...?

You ARE getting therapy, right?

[WorriedScared11]

thanks a lot!!

i know im not the only one out there with these feelings...but these feelings make me the loneliest person on the planet.

these days i am consumed with these chest pains and tension headaches...hence the worry about cancer.

i am only 28yrs old for god sakes. the chances of me having cancer are slim...but yet the second i wake up...it consumes me..i have a chest pain and i think "is today the day?".

thats the thing about drug addiction...the drugs make you feel like you are on top of the world...especially the pain killers i have been getting.

they really are tearing me apart...if i take them...i can function, i can go out, i honestly feel like i am myself.

if i dont take these drugs....i am a lousy POS, lay on the couch...cant stay focused on anything....consumed with anxious thoughts of death and terrible disease.

what am i to do? live a worry free life in a haze...or try and be strong and fight this disease every day?

i am not on any medicine for anxiety...my doc wont prescribe me anything until i see a pscyhologist...which i cannot afford at this time...so...i am left to suffer.

my doc thinks i am strong enough to beat it on my own...she may be right...but right now i feel so weak.

i have been thinking about the theory of survival of the fittest....if this is true...i am doomed. i am a weak POS these days.

errgh...

anyhow enough of this................im going to get on with my day.

thanks for your help!

[MJIthewriter]

About the drugs, it looks like already you got some good advice from fellow members. There's also the substance abuse forum that has lots of helpful things written about spotting triggers, recognizing things, etc...just ask the members.

I don't deal with drugs, but computer games... I must stay off games that cause that problem... Yeah they'd releave anxiety but then cause it when got no sleep skipped meals, etc...

As far as the medical concerns... I hear you... I can start to worry about this or that...  Sometimes I think I have an autoimmune thing. Maybe I do, maybe I don't... Some people think autism is linked to autoimmune problems. Sometimes I thought I had cancer. I have to just let it go.  Whatever it is, isn't killing me right away...it can wait.  Chances are if I can get off google, close the medical book, and do something else such as writing or art, then I'll forget I "had" x disease...at least for a while.

[mirela25]

i feel the same way last week i felt like i had colon cancer this week brain tumor and lung cancer even though i know its all in my head i just don't believe it so i know exactly how you feel. Are you taking any medicine for anxiety?

[WorriedScared11]

i just want this feeling that i have lung cancer and a brain tumor to go away.

maybe today? please!!

yesterday i wrote a goodbye note to everyone...why am i so convinced i am going to die soon?

[WorriedScared11]

Thanks snooz-a-rino!!

I am just really depressed today...other than that...i think all will be well after the weekend...hopefully i can make it thru.

take care!

[snoozies43]

Don't beat yerself up. Let Sj have the fun. LOL  ;D

Kidding of course, but in all actuallity this is just a wake up call. Have a joyious ride as you get beck on that horse n ride back to calm and peace. That was yesterday today is today, a time to just put yesterday behind ya.

[WorriedScared11]

Thanks for the support...i stayed in last night. On my road to recovery again!

The first step is always so easy.

Its the 5th and 6th step that always gets me.

[RubyWitch]

Prechance to just settle for a wee dram.

[JSGeare]

Perchance, to WRITE a book.

[RubyWitch]

I think I have a problem. I can't seem to shake this moe-joe thing I got going. Maybe I should just go read a book.  

[JSGeare]

It starts.

[RubyWitch]

Scott, you ignorant gigolo........


(ROFLMFAO)

[JSGeare]

No beatings? No abuse? No humiliation? And I was having such fun...

[nursegirl6572]

Don't be TOO hard on yourself, hon.  What is important is that you realize what your triggers are.  You won't be perfect....and it takes time.

The thing that makes drinking, substances...etc SUCH a slippery slope w/ anxiety is b/c while we're doing it...we get enormous relief from the anxiety!  It is hard to pass that by.  sadly, tho...it isn't worth it being that we make ourselves suffer afterwards.

Put it behind you...don't give it a second thought and get right back on that horse.  You also have one advantage...a lot of us have that panic/anxiety that seems to come "out of nowhere".....so we just start avoiding EVERYTHING hoping that the trigger is in there somewhere.

You are one step ahead...you know exactly why you feel the way you do.  It will pass...hang in there...and no beating yourself up!

take Care!

[JSGeare]

Far be it from ME to pass up the opportunity for a few face-slaps or butt kicks, so consider the flagellation to be seriously underway.

But look, here's the probable outcome: the experience will, in the end, validate that your cessation of all that bad stuff was, indeed, effective. You now know what works, and you also know how to mess it up. It was theory, before, now it is fact. OK, Einstein? (Couldn't resist some verbal abuse, I'm fresh from an encounter with "Littlemoe").

Yeah, go out tonight, yes, of course go out. And get a hot fudge sundae or something.

Be back by ten.

I'll be waiting.

[Emmas Mom]

I know how you feel.  I am addicted to pain pills, and when I was at my highest was when I started getting panic attacks again.  It is so hard when you do things you know will make your anxiety worse.  It is a vicous cycle.  

As hard as it may be, try to stay away from those things and you will get better!  I understand the worry about the brain tumor.  I worry that I am going to have a seizure, which is ridiculous because I never have.

Hang in there and I am here if you need to talk!

[WorriedScared11]

Well, that post made me feel a bit better....thanks for listening/readin...whatever.