I am losing hope.

[brian3131]

Hi. My name is Brian and I am 22 years old. I have had severe panic disorder since I was 3,
and have been suffering on and off, ever since. I went without treatment until the age of 15.
I was unable to go to high school, and stayed in the house for two years straight, at one point.

I have a few medical conditions:

Mild aortic stenosis
Mild aortic regurgitation
Mild Asthma or possible VCD
Under-active thyroid
Aura migraines

I have been on Paxil, Cymbalta, Prozac, Abilify, Elavil and Zyprexa.

Some worked, some didn't. The one's that worked, stopped working.

I am currently coming off of my Cymbalta, and am going back onto Paxil.

My doctor told me point blank they he "Could not help everyone.."

I took that as, "sorry".

I am currently in therapy and trying to work out any issues from the past.


CBT does not work for me, nor does telling me to practice breathing techniques.
My current therapist agrees with me, when it comes to my panic attacks are more
physiological than mental. Therefore a medication is needed before I can use any
techniques.

I feel completely hopeless. I currently can't even go into a 7-11 without panicking.

I don't know what to do anymore.

[arsenalfun]

Patience my friend.

http://www.****.net/advices/

[Norman209]

Hey Brian, I've recently started treatment for GAD, OCD and Panic disorder. I have also had it for 28 years untreated so I know how u feel. I've tried celexa, which turned out bad siezures and worse episodes. Cymbalta and xanax helped but not enough. Now I've been on Zoloft and buspar for about a month, every day was a drastic improvement. I highly recomend trying the combination. If that doesn't work try a different one, but don't give up and don't let the doctor give up either. Sometimes when they have to think they can be reluctant. Also if medicine is not working, I've heard about the adrenal gland not working properly could cause similar symptoms.

[RubyWitch]

As for the antidepressants you've been on, you state that "some work, some didn't and those that did help, stopped working."
When you were on an AD that WAS helping, then stopped working for you, did you discuss with your doctor about upping the dosage or did you (or your doctor) just decide to try something else? Some ADs will not work as well after a few years, but often a simple dosage change will sort of "kick start" the benefits again. We do build up tolerance for psychotropic drugs.
It's also a possibility that you reached a plateau on a specific AD and instead of increasing the dose, it was decided that it had stopped working. This has happened to me twice on ADs and I'm sure there are many people here who have experienced the same thing. One thing those of us on ADs must learn is patience. We also must work closely with our therapists and doctors as our depression/anxiety levels change, so must our medication levels.
I would suggest you talk with your doctor about going back on one of the ADs that DID work for you and see what happens. If, after a certain period of time, you've decided it is once again no longer working, question the doctor about the dosage. I think it's worth a try.

If your doctor told you "point blank" that HE could not help everyone, then he sure as hell should have sent you to someone else who knew more about these meds then he obviously does. I'm sure he's the nicest guy in the world, but if my doctor told me that crap  and didn't set up an appointment for me with Dr.Somebody Else, he would no longer be my doctor.

Most of us have found a combination of therapy and meds to be the most helpful in getting to the crux of what is behind our anxiety/depression. It is nearly impossible to have a calm and beneficial conversation with your therapist when you're constantly on the verge of panic, haven't slept well for weeks/months, your edgy and distracted, your concentration level is damn near non-exsistant..........Any wonder so many of us leave our sessions thinking "what a bloody waste of time and money that was!"  Consider talking with your therapist and doctor about going on a long term benzo like Klonopin. I know in the last paragraph, I said that perhaps you should go back on one of the ADs that DID work and see how that went? Well, on second thought, you may want to rethink that. Discuss with your doctor/therapist just trying the Klonopin alone with therapy and see what you think. It will take the Klonopin about a 6-8 weeks to reach therapeutic levels in your blood stream, so in the meantime you should have on hand a "rescue" med for the panic. Something like Xanax or Ativan that you take strictly on a PRN basis (as needed) These are also benzos, but they are short acting and are not to be taken on a regular basis longer than 4 months. This regime has worked well for many people getting onto Klonopin. Since both you and your therapist believe that your panic attacks are more "physiological than mental," getting your mind and body into a much less anxious state could only help.

Therapy doesn't work for eveyone, but I have some strong opinions on why that might be. People get OUT of therapy what they've put INTO therapy, the same way it applies to such things as work and relationships. If you go into therapy expecting a quick fix, you'll fail. If you go into therapy with expectations that aren't realistic, you'll come away feeling like it doesn't work. If you go into therapy thinking that the therapist is the only one who has to work at fixing your problems, you will fail miserably. And if you go into therapy with the wrong therapist, here again, the therapy will fail.

You have to go into therapy with an "open ended" mindset.You can't say "OK, I'll give this 2 weeks and if I'm not all better, I'll quit." Nor can your expectations be too lofty. You most likely will not come out of therapy knowing the answer to all of life's problems. With hard work, you will come out knowing the answers to your specific issues. You must go into therapy knowing that your therapist is there to help steer YOU in the right direction to find the answers within yourself. They don't hand you the answers like a plate of cookies and they are NOT mind readers. They only know what you tell them, so tell them the truth. And if you go into therapy with a therapist you don't like or don't trust, stop wasting everybodies time and your money and keep looking until you find the right one........and you WILL know when that happens.
Therapy is hard and emotionally exhausting WORK. If you are not ready to SOW, then you sure as hell can't expect to REAP anything. At which point you should go sit in your garden and give that some thought.

You feel hopeless and don't know where to turn. Just about everyone of us here understands THAT feeling all too well. But things are NOT hopeless  and you're not at the end of the road. You HAVE, however, arrived at that ever present damn fork in the road.

I agree 100% with nursegirl that you should seek out a new therapist. IMHO I don't think she has helped you much since the last line of your post is "I don't know what to do anymore." After the length of time you've been with her, she SHOULD have a few suggestions for that question. I also agree with nursegirl that getting a second opinion on your treatments is in order. While many ADs have an affinity for anxiety, they are NOT anxiety specific. They don't zero in on the panic in other words. If you get some small collateral benefit for your panic from an antidepressant, consider yourself lucky. In my opinion, you are being completely under-treated for your biggest issue which is panic, not depression. And for anyone reading this who wants to argue that you can't have one without the other, send me a PM and we'll have a little discussion. Please don't argue it here.

I take Zoloft for my depression. It has one of the highest rated affinities for panic disorder, which I also have, but taking Zoloft alone will help my depression, but does absolutely NOTHING for my panic disorder. For that I take Xanax and between those two, I feel like a normal person.......which I hadn't for far too many years.

I'm not saying this is the regime YOU should be on. We are all different in how we react to medication. And it took a number of YEARS for my doctors to finally hit on a combination that worked to control both my depression and my panic disorder. I know you've tried a great many ADs, but MY list is WAAAAAY longer than yours! Remember what I said earlier about patience?

You can't give up. That's just, well.........UN-American. LOL
What we're dealing with suck*s for sure, but it CAN be fixed, you CAN and you WILL feel normal again, but you gotta keep trying.
We're here if you need us.
Peace
Greenlydia

[RubyWitch]

Mild aortic stenosis...........this IS a bit unusual for someone your age, BUT we have to take into consideration that in the past 20+ years, the youth of America have eaten breakfast, lunch and dinner at McDonalds. Many schools either have one on campus or right across the street. A recent study proved that more and more young people are not only badly overweight, but are experiencing more stenosis, diabetes and other "fast food" related health problems. But the good news for you is that apparently your doctor is aware of this problem and will no doubt keep a watch on it. Through diet and exercise, YOU can do something about this condition. If you don't, you can join the millions of us who eat statins like candy, or like me who walks around with two metal stents in my heart to keep my arteries open.This is a controllable condition and it's definitely one YOU can manage. Discuss with a nutritionist what you need to do to stop any more damage being done. Way more fun than having a junkyard shoved into your heart!

Mild aortic regurgitation..............Your mitral valve is not working to it's full capacity and is allowing a small amount of blood to leak backwards. There are, literally, millions of people walking around with MVP and don't even know it. Once again you are lucky you have a good doctor who heard a heart murmur and discovered the mitral valve regurgatation. This is something else that he will track each time you have a physical and if it increases or begins to affect the function of your heart, he will repair it. Nobody just drops deat from an MVP.......well, I suppose they actually could if it was REALLY, REALLY bad and they knew it and ignored their doctor telling them they needed surgery or they'd drop dead, well, you get the picture. YOU are not going to drop dead.

Mild Asthma or possible VCD....................I will simply assume that your asthma is under control and that the VCD will soon be ruled in or out. If you have had asthma all your life, it is still possible, at your age, that it will just go away. (My sons did when he was 25) With a smart life-style, using the proper meds, and keeping yourself educated about the incredible advances being made in the treatment of asthma, you can expect to live a long, healthy and active life.  
.  
Under-active thyroid............HYPOTHYRODISM is easily controlled by replacing the deficient thyroid hormone. There are several different oral preperations, the most commonly used is called T-4. I don't know if there is a natural way to get this hormone into your system, you may want to do some research on that. But have a long talk with your endochronologist about any options you may have.

Aura migraines.........I used to have these myself for many years, but they stopped after I went through menopause. Many people find that as they age, their migraines stop. Not much comfort for someone your age, but it's something to look forward to, right? Once again, you've obviously been diagnosed either by an eye doctor or a neurologist. I saw both doctors and also had an MRI done. This does not mean YOU need an MRI. They wanted me to have one because my migraines began suddenly in my 40's, which is not common and can sometimes be a symptom of more serious problems. My MRI was clear and I just learned to live with them and was given medication to help. Most natural/herbal remedies don't help at all, but with the migraines, I found that eating a few leaves of fresh Feverfew really did work. Takes like ka-ka but it was better than the pills they told me to take.

I wrote all of that because I want you to know that while it may seem like a great many things are "wrong" with you, the fact that you have a few medical issues is not uncommon. While I won't say they are nothing to worry about, the great news is that you and your doctors are aware of them, they have been found early and with that knowledge, you can keep them under control so they don't become serious. By no means do I want to minimize your issues, just try to keep in mind all the people who are so much worse off than you. I work in a hospital and every day when I leave work, I realize that the majority of MY problems are actually not worth complaining about.

[RubyWitch]

Panic disorder in a three year old must be incredibly rare. I've personally never heard of anyone that young being diagnosed with PD. Have your parents been able to offer any insight into what may have triggered the panic? It would have been something extremely traumatic. Did you almost drown? Were you in a fire? Auto accident? Fall out of a window? Get lost at the Mall? Were you bit by a dog? I could think of a 100 other things that would be traumatic for a three year old.

On a much more sinister level, it's possible someone molested you and at age 3 (possibly younger) you would have very, very little, if  any memory of the actual event, but you WOULD retain the fear, the pain, the feeling of helplessness and possibly the feeling of abandonment because your parents did not come and make" the bad" stop. You would not, at this age, have the mental ability nor the language skills to communicate any of this to your parents. It would have remained locked up inside you for years. IF this is a possibility, (perhaps a babysitter?) it would leave you with a long and mysteriously unexplained list of issues and feelings that would start to manifest themselves as anxiety, panic, depression, and agoraphobia, to name just the most common..........when you reached an age when you could allow yourself to remember. Your current medical conditions are what many doctors would call "unremarkable." Meaning that there is nothing life threatening or really out of the ordinary for a person your age. Let's look at them one by one.

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[kickanxietysbutt]

Brian,

I feel like I just read a post about myself.  I have seen five different therapists for my anxiety and I have concluded that while CBT may work for others, it does nothing for me.  Everything the therapists have told me is common sense stuff.  I've already done many of the techniques on my own before therapists recommend them.  Breathing techniques do nothing for me, and basically the only way to deal with my agoraphobia is to just go out and do things no matter how miserable I feel.  In theory, that should make you better eventually, right?  Well, that's what my current therapist says.  The problem is, if I go and do things, I still feel miserable.  It's been five months now.  The therapist I saw for two months kicked me out of therapy because she said she felt like there is something more physiological happening with me also.  I've had tests run and nothing came back abnormal.  I have an appointment with a psychiatrist on Monday to have my medications evaluated, but I feel like you do...just at a loss.  It took me calling a crisis line just to get a psychiatrist to see me one time to evaluate my medications.  I'm losing faith in doctors and drugs and don't know what more can be done.  Please keep me posted on your progress, and I will let you know if anything works for me.

[brian3131]

Thank you very much for your kind words. I have tried CBT, Hypnosis, regular therapy, and pretty much everything else.

My psychiatrist seems to have given up on me, and he is not the first one to have done so. I have been seen by four other psychiatrists and they were unable to actually help the problem. Instead of working on the issues that may be causing the sever panic disorder, depression and a number of phobias, they just suggest medicine.

I can barely go to work, and if I stop then I am really in trouble.

[nursegirl6572]

My goodness, I'm so sorry to hear what a rough time you're having.  I wish I could offer you some specific advice, but I think you're doing what you can by continuing to seek new meds and other treatment options.  

Have you ever tried getting a second opinion?  With your lengthy treatment history, it may be helpful to get a fresh perspective, you know?  Maybe also you could try a new therapist?  CBT is usually very effective for panic disorder, perhaps you just need to try a new therapist?

I wish you the best, just know you're not alone.  So many of us have been in your shoes, in one way or another.  I myself was housebound for a while.  I know how hard it is, especially when life dictates you MUST do something.  It's so hard.

Please keep us updated, we're pulling for you, and we care.

[brian3131]

Thanks for your response. I have not tried zoloft yet. I have tried vallium, ativan, xanax & klonopin. None of these drugs work for me, even in high doses

[anxietyadvice]

I am sorry.  I deal with severe anxiety.  I recently went on Zoloft.  Have you ever tried Zoloft?  That might be one that you could try.  What about Xanax or Ativan or some other type of benzo?  I know those work great for anxiety (as needed, they can become addicting).