I don't know what to do anymore

[Kala_mariaa]

I am 15 years old, just began my sophomore year of high school.
As long as I can remember, I have had problems sleeping. When I was younger I would repeatedly walk around my house and lock all of the windows and doors, I would lock my bedroom door and my bathroom door and shove blankets under my curtains to prevent strangers from peering into my bedroom. I would have my parents sit outside of my room until I fell asleep. This was all when I was 5-10 years old. I would also hallucinate and see floating orbs of energy and ghostly figures around my house. Those have stopped, but I still stay up at night shaking and crying from the noises I hear around the house, I still methodically lock the windows and doors. I cant sleep in the dark. When I was in middle school I was bullied severely and my parents didn't believe me, I was alone. I became extremely depressed, I cut and attempted suicide a countless number of times. Whenever I told my parents about my feelings they would yell at me, call me a freak. So, I stopped telling them things. In 8th grade I stopped cutting because I had gotten arrested and when I showed my mom the 60+ cuts on my hips, she told me I was a disgrace. I have self-diagnosed myself with depression and I have been living with it for 4 years. The paranoia has not stopped, when I am awake, I am terrified. I shake and sweat and cry. When I am asleep, I have horrible nightmares. At this very moment I hear creaking noises and I am panicking. This is every night. I have begun drinking to help myself fall asleep at night. I cant tell my parents this, if I do they will realize that I am not their perfect child. They will ridicule me and degrade me. I don't know what is wrong with me, but I want to know. I need to know what the cause of this 15 year phobia is. Anything will help. Please. Thank you.

[BluCrystal]

Hi, Kala.  Thank you for being brave enough to reach out for help.  That is what we are here for.  And I personally do not feel qualified to give you much help that would be useful to you right now.  Others here are, and I have told them that you need help.  Look for messages from them, and don't be afraid.  No one here knows you or where you live, and the ONLY thing that will happen is that you get some messages here from those who can help you.  I pray for you, that you find peace, and blessings - Blu

[MarkLakewood3367]

You need to see your doctor immediately.  No comment on this forum will resolve any of the issues you described because of the intensity of the issues.  It is possible that you have a sleeping disorder.  But the only one who could accurately determine this and anything else you need would be your doctor.  Please see your doctor and discuss these issues with him or her.