I don't know where to post this question..

[Irisbritney]

Ok, so a couple days ago a guy I knew committed suicide. I guess he was going through a lot!
Anyway, yesterday I was feeling like crap (still am) and out of nowhere I suddenly heard this voice or got a feeling telling me "if Thomas can do it so can you" & I went with it.. I'm like yeah I can! Than I snapped out of it and I told myself "no you are not doing that" it was so weird and freaky. Like I actually convinced myself I could do that too.  Am I crazy or what? Is that something I should keep to myself?

[Irisbritney]

Well I've thought about it before but I always knew I couldn't do it but after hearing he did that I felt like I could too.. It was scary!
I agree with you!
I feel like if I did it i wouldn't feel all these symptoms that I hate but I can't do it.. I guess I just gotta live with it.
I still feel like there's something seriously wrong with me but the doctors can't find it and I'm still blaming the gravol for everything I feel.. Idk

[nursegirl6572]

Oh, honey!  What a hard thing to go through!  Were you close to this person?  Suicide is just soooo tragic!

People with anxiety are more sensitive in their reactions to bad news.  Somehow, we have a knack of applying everything to ourselves.  If you hear someone has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, for example, I guarantee it would only be a matter of minutes before your mind took you to the "WHAT IF I had that?"  This is basically the same thing.  If you weren't contemplating suicide BEFORE this news, then you aren't now.  It's called an intrusive thought for a reason...because we didn't invite it in, nor do we want it there!

Talking to your therapist is a good idea (keep calling), and confiding in your BF is also good.  The BEST thing you could do (and I know it's not easy) is to DISMISS the thought as best you can.  The more you think about it, worry about it, and ruminate over it, the more power you give it.  The more you put it out of your mind, and dismiss it (as best you can), the more power you take AWAY from it, and that will lead to it resolving.  It may take a little time though...as intrusive thoughts really are bothersome and scare the crap out of us.  

Obviously, it goes without saying that if you TRULY feel you are suicidal (which my hunch says you're not)...getting urgent help is the thing to do.  I'm JUST mentioning that as an obvious disclaimer, just in case.  Like I said above, if you weren't suicidal BEFORE the news, then you probably aren't now.

Hang in there, sweetie!

[Irisbritney]

Thanks guys. I told my boyfriend but I don't wanna Tell anyone else because they'll think I'm crazy.. My family just doesn't understand.

I was supposed to see a counsellor but every time I phone there the intake worker is always busy.

[mele48]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

First of all, you're not crazy.  Anxiety soldiers can be more sensitive to situations like this.  We all know how much we dislike our anxiety symptoms, and we want them to go away.  

Secondly, you did a good thing!  You told yourself "no".  That's huge!  You made a conscious choice that this is not an option for you.  You're not crazy.  4Maddie44 is right - you're grieving.  Be gentle with yourself right now, and let yourself grieve, or be angry, or be sad.  All those emotions are authentic and perfectly normal.  I agree with 4Maddie44 - I would reach out to a loved one or good friend or your counselor and do some good talking.

Sending you good wishes - we're here for you!

[4Maddie44]

You are suffering with grief at the moment, so don't listen to that voice.  Yes it does sound freaky, and I do hope now you are feeling calmer.  I am very sorry for your loss, and it is a difficult thing to deal with.  

No you are not crazy at all.  If you have a close friend, talk to them.