I have acted on a harm OCD thought?!?!?

[Elizabethw789]

I acted on a harm OCD thought?!!!?
Hi
Ok well I still don't remember how/ why I did this... It could have been when the thoughts started or it could have been a thought I had and I acted on it but a few months ago I remember running someone over IN A GAME and thinking it felt good?!?!? Idk if it did or not......
Like I said it happened months ago.
I do have intrusive thoughts 90% of them are violent...
I'm scared I will act on these things in real life.
I'm so done with everything!
I'm tired or crying, feeling so depressed, feeling alone, feeling like an awful person everyday! Because of these thoughts!
I don't know what to do anymore....
And I would NEVER do that again in a game! I even deleted the game and all the other car games I had.....
I don't watch horror movies or any TV shows, movies with fighting, murder ECT. I'm scared it might "influence" me to do so.
My biggest fear is acting on these things and actually being psycho and having to be put somewhere....
I also have urges sometimes......... But I have been coping with those by labeling them as just thoughts NOT urges.
PLEASE! Help me! I need some advice.
I want to do CBT therapy.... But idk how to ask my parents.
Sometimes I just break down and sit in my bathroom crying my eyes out because I feel so awful and disgusting.
Suicide has been on the table a few times but then I realize I want to fight this!
Please do you have any advice or if these are just thoughts?!?!

[Paxiled]

The above is right, you're not psycho, you're not even describing OCD.  You do sound very troubled right now, and I think therapy is a really good idea.  Don't get caught up in labels -- just work on what's bugging you.  Good luck.

[RubyWitch]

First thing I want you to KNOW, UNDERSTAND and BELIEVE is that you are NOT alone with these kinds of thoughts and feelings!  

The second thing I want you to KNOW is that there IS HELP out there for you! Help that will make these thoughts, feelings and urges go away!!!!

You have shown us how brave, strong and intelligent you are by reaching out to us for help. The best help we can give you on this forum is to advise you to print out this post and give it to your parents! They probably have no idea how badly you are hurting, how scared you are, how badly you WANT help to stop feeling this way. Give them this post and let them get you the help you need..........they love you.

You are not "psycho" and nobody is going to put you anywhere, Toots! You need some therapy and possibly some medications and those tools will get your thoughts and feelings "normal" again.

PLEASE print this out and give it to your parents as soon as possible.

If you need to talk, we are always here.
You were strong enough to reach out to us, use that strength to reach out to your parents!

We care.
RubyWitch