I just want my life back

[XxBrokenInsidexX]

I have been suffering from anxiety for about a year now and it has completely destroyed my life.. I can't sleep at night.. I barely have an appetite to eat and I cry constantly.. I am live in constant fear and it stems from my preoccupation with my health and my fear of dying.. Does anyone else feel this way? I feel so alone and no one around me gets it they simply say "it can't be that hard to get over" or "you'll be find stop worrying about it" umm hello don't you think that it I could stop I would because lord knows anxiety is everyone's favorite thing to have... I want my life back I remember how happy I was a little over a year ago before this all started.. This ***** and sometimes I don't know how much more I can take I have been too strong for too long and it's not fair anymore.. I don't understand why I have to suffer from this and everyone else I know gets to live a care free life without a worry in the world :(  I wish it would just go away but I know it doesn't work like that.. Hopefully I can get some sleep tonight and if not it looks like I will be spending another lonely night hanging out with my good friend anxiety :/

[Bert91]

Hey XxBrokenInsidexX, I know how you feel. I remember the first time I thought about the concept of death, and how one day I'm just not going to be, I think I was 13. I kind of had this outlook on life until I was 19. I was depressed at times, even lonely. But when I started meeting people and involving myself in daily activities, I became happier. I got hobbies, like working out, running, salsa dance, writing, and it made me a happier person. I got into college and and now I'm studying abroad for a year, I just turned 21.
About 6 weeks ago I had sex with this girl, who I convinced was HIV positive even though I wore a condom. I'm panicked all the time now, my joints hurt and my hips/shoulders ache. I got my depression back, I dont know what is causing this. What ever gives me any smile is just how beautiful life is if you look for it, there are different scents you smell, new people who you can meet who are just characters, things to cook, hardships to conquer, new lands you could walk, so much to experience. You can live 1000 years and never experience all the beauty this world offers
I'll be honest I've never been so terrified my life; I'm in a foreign country, not many close friends, and the doctors refuse to test me here for HIV. When I get back in August I'll face the truth. But during that time I'll try to focus on what I can experience here.
Let's promise each other something, no matter how hopeless it gets and how hard life may be kicking your ***, just get up and never let it take that smile off your face and that appreciation that you have for being alive.
I'm sure you'll be fine

[Sunshine077]

You all wrote this like 4 years ago. How do you feel now? My anxiety started in February and has come on stroger the last month. I have three small kids (7, 5, 2) and am so afraid I won't get to see them grow up. I am having an ultrasound on Monday for abnormal bleeding. I don't want to live like this. I want my old type A do everything self back. Did you read any certain booKS to help you? I appreciate an update. I want to be normal again!!

[Azwoman]

I am a walking anxiety bomb and so is my father. I have had alot of trouble with this the last 3 or 4 years and I had to seek medical help it was so bad. Yes, the fear of dying, sweaty palms, rapid heartbeat, feeling a little light headed, that is a scary feeling. And to make matters worst, the stupid family doctor I went to prescribed Wellbutrin, which is AWFUL for anxiety and almost made me go to the hospital and admit myself. No where in your post does it mention you seeing a practitioner for treatment- if you dont have insurance, see a Psychiatric Nurse Practioner- they can prescribe and treat anxiety issues and they are cheaper than an MD. I take Lamictal and Lexapro and both have helped immensely- I take Xanax only as needed. With Xanax your curing the symptoms, not the disease and it has addictive tendencies, and people tend to abuse it- there are medications out there besides Xanax to help you. There are some generics available too and you can get these from Canadian pharmacies at less than half the cost if money is an issue. My poing being, is you need medical intervention and it is so worth it. Good luck.

[XxBrokenInsidexX]

I never thought I was the only one with anxiety, but I did think I was the only one with the kind of fears that I have that go along with my anxiety.. I find comfort that I am not the only one dealing with these issues..I totally know what you are talking about I will have like a few good days in a row and I think well this is what it feels like to be myself again.. and then anxiety kicks in to remind me that I am not back to normal and it won't be leaving me anytime soon..I too have the panic episodes which are awful when they happen.. I am glad that we can all be there for one another and I am here if you need to ever talk to someone

[XxBrokenInsidexX]

I have not experienced any kind of nocturnal anxiety yet.,. thank goodness because I don't get that much sleep to begin with.. Your words of advice are so encouraging and I know I am going to beat this because I refuse to let it take everything away from me..I am definitely the same way with medication I absolutely HATE taking it and would much rather do something natural to help with the anxiety.. I have actually been thinking about going to see a naturopath to see what kind of things they can recommend to me..I think we all say we don't know how much more we can take but in all actuality we are stronger than we think... I like to think that God does give anxiety to those he knows can't handle it... we are a tough group of people and I don't think people give us enough credit for having to deal with what we do on a daily basis.. I really appreciate you being there for me it helps a lot :)

[AnxietyGirl2012]

Aw hun i know exactly what you mean and how you feel, i havent had anxiety very long but i too want my life back! I've also spent alot of time crying and asking myself why me? but at the end of the day crying isnt going to fix it we've just gotta pick ourselves up and carry on with our lives, gee i wish i didnt make that sound so simple!

I also am in constant fear I am live in constant fear, i think we all at some point feel very alone no matter how many people are around us, people have also told me i'll be fine and to stop worrying but as we know it's easier said than done, i think they are so blunt about it because they want us to realise we really will be fine. It's definantly not fair but stay strong sweets you'll get there :) and until then you have all of us as support, sometimes strangers are the best support you could ask for! I feel the same, i sit and think about how everyone else i know is fine and out living their lives and think it's just not fair, i want to be able to go out and be happy like them.
I hope you get some sleep hun, keep you head up! You are stong, you can get through this and we're all here to help!
.

[onedayillbfine]

Wow if you read all my post they are almost identical. yes its frustrating and hard and sad and scary and lonely. Ive only suffered from anxiety for less than a year and it has been a battle evryday. especially when one day you feel great back to normal and then anxiety kicks you down to remind you its still here. i feared death like no other any "off" symptom sent me to the er , walk in clinics,or any dr who would listen .finally after months of suffering i convinced myself i would be ok and nothing was wrong with me but it was to late my body was convinced otherwise and now i suffer from panic disorder depression and anxiety. its a battle and recently started therapy to help me get better . i know ill be ok and you will to ,it is hard seeing everyone enjoy life with no fear of it its work in progress but i will get better im determined

[edgyboy]

You guys are certainly not alone in this fight. I was getting good nights sleep again after a week of night anxiety attacks. However, the past two nights have been really hard. No panic attacks but bigtime anxiety that wakes me up.

When I get up, all i worry about is losing it mentally or going to work the next day and freaking out there. It sometimes gets to be a 24/7 thing with no break. I do find some comfort in going to my daughter's High School games but sometimes I even worry there. I also find comfort going on some of the anxiety chat forums. i dont do this all the time but sometimes it helps.

[Cntbreal]

Hey hun. Don't get so hard on yourself. I do know what your going thru your not alone here thats for sure. And I couldn't way or sleep either. I was having nocturnal anxiety attacks. (sleep anxiety attack) which were very crazy because out came on and as I was new to anxiety I atleast thought I would get a break in my sleep but no said anxiety that chick was here no matter what. And it made it worst because as you may know not eating and not sleeping makes it worst. I got meds but couldn't take then to scared of course.

So I went the natural root way. Lavender and chamomile baths and same in gels next to my bed air freshner and candles around the house. Also the tea. Which helped me sleep (started having kinda crazy dreams not like really bad ones but they were crazy) but I took that over not being able to sleep.

Know your not alone in what you going thru. Couldn't and still can not stop thinking about my health but I tell you this because I'm doing this with no meds I have to try extremely hard to get over this as I'm sure you are also..

Things that help me sleep other then the baths and tea and gels and sprays are watching something relaxing on tv before I go to sleep but make sure its boring to watch. Don't or try not to think about it before you go to sleep (the I wounder if I'm going to sleep what if I can't etc) I did all that and it made it worst..

I still say the samething I don't know how much more I can take. My answer I came up with its that you don't have to put up with it. Try everything you can to get over this. Without meds. You can fight this and get they it no matter how your feel its going to get better.. I'm here for you hun your not alone.

Last no one who has not been thru this our whom do not suffer thru this will ever understand. They will never get it. There see things I can have then read like on this web sure called anxiety centre there is a family section on there to help family and friends understand but its a shot in the dark. My guidance didn't get it til I took him to a couple therapy meetings with me.. And my therapist advised that..

Again I'm here your not alone.