Im so depressed

EVERYTHNG  is getting to me I just want to cry. My marriage isnt good I cant handle my husband being on the computer all the time playing games constantly.  I just want him to be a father/husband and he wont.  I talk to him and  I feel he doesnt care.  I cant take it anymore.  I want space. He can find another place to live. I dont love him like I did.  I feel hes selfish and he doesnt respect me or my boyz.  He stayed up to 3 in the morning playing his game.  He started around 8.  I feel if he will not change he doesnt care. This is the feeling Im getting. I been married for 10 years and it been too long.   Im just so depress right now I dont know where to begin.....

[often]

bip, it does not sound like your husband is going to change.  you need to start worrying about you. you need to get yourself into therapy to figure out how to deal with this and make some decisions that are thought out and not "knee jerk".  you have stated many times that your boys have made comments.  therapy for you and the boys is probably a good idea.  

Your husband is obviously addicted to the computer...many are.  he is blind to your needs.  Get yourself and the kids some help.  THEN make your decision and stick with it.  Whatever it is.

Only YOU can change YOUR life.

[mia193]

I went through this last year w/my husband, and things have kinda gotten better....I truly believe marriages go through the ups and downs...
My husband is addicted to beer, the tv and himself!  Everything revolves around him- and I have yelled and screamed about it and it gets me somewhere for a little while and then its back to the old stuff w/him.  He is a day person, and I am a night person, so we even argue about that.  
I have to beg him to go to our two daughters sports functions, and I am convinced if we had boys it would be a whole different world!

I think counseling would work- but he absolutely won't go- my friends are a help for my sanity, and I should go to counseling myself, but I haven't as of yet.

It has put a lot of friction between us- we have been married for 15 years, and I am just hanging in there....mainly for the income and kids-
I agree w/often's post, and I do try to change my life for the better of the kids and my own health...
hope you feel better, but know that you aren't alone out there- all marriages, at least people i have talked to go through hard times-

[Raine9]

Is there some place you can go with your kids?  Can you stay with your parents or something?  I think you just need to get out of there for now.  Maybe when you do that, your husband will realize what he is doing and change.  But you should just get out for awhile for your own sanity.  

Good luck and keep us posted.

[Raine9]

Actually, here's a better idea.  Why don't you guys buy an X-Box or Playstation.  That way, your husband can play WITH your sons.  Does that sound like a good idea?  Can you guys afford it?

[Jade59]

But then what about bip?

[often]

Exactly FM....this man needs to pay attention to the whole family...not just the kids and not just sitting in front  of the computer with games.  That is just a bandaid....and the kids need to see dad AWAY from the computer.  A better solution would be for him to hit pause and spend 30 minutes reading to the kids.  But I don't see that happening with this man.

And bip...don't leave with the kids without speaking to a lawyer.  

[Jade59]

You are describing my sisters husband exactly.  She has tried for over 20yrs to get her husband involved with her and her kids.  Then the internet came along and that's where you will find him, playing his games, or so she thought.  She looked up the history one day and guess what?  He has been conversing with and SEEING a protitute.  Do you ever check his history bip?  They are now getting divorced.  

[Raine9]

Yes, what FMXSMKR is saying is possible.   However, he may just have a simple addiction to video games.  This addiction is REAL like any addiction.  My friend was the same way.  He played some interactive video game on the Internet with other people around the world.  For awhile he couldn't stop.  Maybe your husband needs help.  

[Mark TX]

I'd say this is a situation in which anxiety is perfectly normal... if not expected.  You have a problem in your marriage.  I would immediately take the focus off yourself... and place it directly where it belongs... on resolving this dilemma.  Obviously, the situation cannot continue.  You need to take some steps to get your husband off the computer.  If he's unwilling or unable to do that on his own, try to get him outside help.  Otherwise, you may need to make a tough decision about your marriage.  Since your husband is ignoring the kids, it's of utmost importance that you remain a calm and reassuring and loving force in their lives.  Let go of the anxiety as best as you can and take care of the problem!

Good luck!

mark

[suzi-q]

Bip, lots of great advice above...very important to see a therapist AND A LAWYER before doing anything!  For your sanity you would love to just pick up and leave, or throw him out...however, today you have to think about finances.  Could you live on your salary and child support?  Would he pay or would he be a dead beat dad?  Lots of things to consider first.  Start slowly, see a counselor and weigh your options.  I hope things work out well for you.  I know that you are a very caring person and deserve the best.

[KevinNewYork]

I only read the first post and i think the guy is despicable. at that age to be spending more time with computer games then with his wife. hes not a man

[bip]

Thanks everyone for your support it really makes me feel good.  Ya know Im already depress and this is making me worst..  I just want a better life for my boyz and I....

[bip]

Another quiestion Does ANYONE know how to check his history on the computer?


Thanks you all are good friends....

[suzi-q]

If you have aol this is what you do.  go to VIEW at the top on the toolbar.  It says file, edit, and then view...click on view...go down to the explore bar....click on history.  Does he log on under the same name and password as you on your internet?  If so, it will be there.  If not, you need to find out his  screen name and password.  Good luck!  Let us know what you find!

[KevinNewYork]

he mosty likely has Internet explorer or firefox.  it can be confusing sumtimes how to find out how to check the history (like which button it is)

my firefox has the word 'History' along the top beside file and edit and all that.  theres also ways of viewing the history.  like by date or by site . select it to go by last visited so you can back track everything

and if you notive everytime you do this that there is no history then he is deleting cookies and history cause he doesnt want anyone to find out where hes been

on some browsers you can right click the icon on ur desktop and hit properties. skim through the tabs tabs there until you get to the option where you can set how long your browser saves viewed websites ( he might have it set to "save history 1 day"  most people dont do this unless their looking at stuff they dont want others to see)

[heartfluttersflyawayplz]

if you love him just a little . its worth working out. dont give up, and yes he needs to be more there for you . but try and work it out if you love him at all,

[bip]

I looked up on HISTORY all I see is his game and forum.  I think he does has a  game addiction.  I dont think hes hiding anything from me.  I so think he loces me I think he just has a problem with the games like I have a problem with ANXIETY.  My point is I think him and I should go see a councelor and get our marriage to work.  My ANXIETY is so bad EVERYTHING is bothering me but this is making me depress. If he wants our marriage to work he needs to FOCUS on me and my boyz not the computer.   I think we are more important than the computer.  Im a good wife/mother and I deserve having a  good HUSBAND and my boyz deserves a good FATHER.  If he doesnt want to work with me he will learn the hard way.  


What do you ALL think?

[Raine9]

I think it's great that you want to work on your marriage.  No marriage is perfect.  We all have our ups and downs.  Seeing a counselor is a great idea.  Getting treatment for your anxiety will help too.  If your husband does not make an effort with you, then show him the door.

Best wishes!!

[often]

bip...counseling would be a great help.  but none of us can tell you what to do.  You need to think hard about this. It is YOUR marriage, your life.  That is why I suggested the counselor for you and the boys even if the husband won't go.  You need to do what is right for you.  Perhaps his gaming all the time is his way of avoiding your anxiety.  Either way...the marriage needs help.  Counseling is an excellent start.

[BTOWN]

i play video games all night long and my wife doesnt care..... but i can see where ur coming from.. just tell him how u feel and dont just give up. marriage is a lifetime commitment. not give up when its hard

[bip]

Thanks EVERYONE for your help.  I really try...

[KevinNewYork]

IF hes playing world of warcraft then you should smash the computer and tell him to get some excersize. millions of people play this game night and day and theres little point in at as far as competitive gaming

[bip]

OH MY GOD.  That is what he is playing..... Tell me a about the game. What do you mean theres a little point at as far as COMPETITIVE game?

Please I need to know ........

[bip]

Im feeling so sick to my stomach.  What am I getting into?

[BTOWN]

relax bip dont give ur self a melt down..... he is addicted to video games. thats the problem. you need to let him know he better stop or there are going to be issues... if he doesnt care, then u will know where u guys stand

[tostressed]

my sister has the same problem with her husband. If he is not sleeping or working it's video games. He barely pays attention to the kids and never gets anything done around the house. You need to talk to him. Make him understand how you feel. Tell him there has to be more communication between you guys.

[peekawho]

Bip, I said it before, and I'll say it again.  Take a hammer to the computer.  Immediately.  You are totally justified.  

If he buys another one, take a hammer to it, too.  

He'll get the message.  And then, if he's angry enough to move out over it, you'll know exactly where you stand.  

[often]

Obviously, taking a hammer to the computer is self-defeating.  No computer...no support for you.

The guy has an addiction to a fantasy world game.  He needs help.  You need help.  By this time the kids need help.

If he can't get off it long enough to listen to you, then accept that talking isn't going to help and see a therapist.  After some therapy you will be able to figure out if you also need a lawyer.  Meanwhile spend as much time with the kids as you can to make up for dad's absence.

[bip]

Thanks EVERYONE for your support.......Im just so confuse dont know where to start...

[BTOWN]

do you care about your marriage? do u REALLY want a divorce? think about it. divorce is the last thing u want and i highly reccomened not getting one. go to counseling. and if he doesnt show he cares or puts the efforts in then do what u goitta do for the last resort.

JUST RELAX! pray about it!! it helps