Insecure

[stephaniejo]

I am not sure if I am in the right forum for this, but I need some advise. I am in the best relationship of my life. My boyfriend and I are going on 10 months and we are great.

My problem is that every once in a while I feel the need to look at his phone to see if I find anything. I think I am doing this because of heartache I have experienced in the past with x's cheating on me and me finding out about it later.

So why am I doing this to my current boyfriend? He hasn't given me any reason not to trust him, but I still feel the need to satisfy my mind.

Tonight, I looked at his facebook on his phone and a girl that he use to work with wrote him a message that said "you need to find me a man". My boyfriend said, "There's a porter at my work named Jonathan, you should stop by and see him." She said, "I think I know him.. is he so and so's cousin? My boyfriend said "yes" She said, "he's cute". Then he responded... "He's alright. How have you still not found a man yet? You must be picky. LOL"..........

She hasn't responded, but I took that as he was saying she's such a good looking man, why is she still single. And personally I think that is a little out of line. What should I do? Should I confront him tomorrow??

[ProudMumToBe]

I understand how You are feeling however if You value Your relationship it is best seeing someone to discuss how to work around these feelings of worry and paranoia.
You have every right to feel this way because of Your past however not everyone is the same and just because You were caught with bad relationships in the past does not ruin the chance of a good relationship in the future if You do not allow it.
The prying and paranoia is only going to cause more problems and arguing eventually if You do not have it sorted out sooner than later.
I lost a perfect relationship due to basing it on past relationships

[stephaniejo]

Great advise. Thank you!

[mammo]

Hi.  You don't want your past to ruin what you have now, and if you keep snooping and not trusting, you may lose the best thing that ever happened to you. Therapy could help you put this all behind you so that it doesn't interfere with with your current relationship.  You have to have trust in any relationship no matter what, and if you don't, it will lead to failure.  He's been with you for 10 months and is obviously happy with where he is, trust in yourself, your qualities and in him.  If another woman can get him away from you....then you never had him to begin with.  Enjoy your relationship and don't cloud it with doubts.  Insecurity will push your partner away quickly.  Have the attitude "if they can get him...they can have him."  This isn't conceit, it's merely saying if he loves you and is committed to you, he won't stray no matter what.  I think men like a woman who is secure in herself and life, and if you need to work on this, then do it.  I hope this helps, take care.