Intimacy Anxiety

[anxietyfighter]

I've been single for almost 3 months now, and although when I'm alone I want to start dating, when I get set up on dates or am in close proximity to a man that I think I like or who might like me, I start to have a panic attack and end up leaving. The other day I was on a train with my friend and a few of her friends, one of them was a good looking single guy who sat next to me.  He touched my knee and was flirting with me and I started having a panic attack and got off the train at the next stop and pretended I was feeling sick and went home.

Does any one have any suggestions? I'm worried that the longer I wait to be with someone else the worse the anxiety will be, but I don't want to push myself into doing something too quickly.  

[29sillygirl]

Hey,
Glad to hear you decided to take lexapro.  Hope you have continued success with it.

Congratulations on the promotion.  What a victory!  Good for you.  Know you will be able to handle the added responsibility.  You have the motivation and skills necessary to move up.  Having a company give you this vote of confidence must make you feel appreciated.

I hear you re: the fatigue from battling anxiety and depression.  Altho' lexapro generally works fairly quickly (in my experience), it may take a couple more weeks for it to reach optimal levels in bloodstream.

Your therapist may have ideas on ways to help you unwind and have fun.  Not sure what zumba is but any lively totally easy, fun exercise would be great for you now.

[anxietyfighter]

I started taking lexapro about a month ago.  work started to get too much for me which is when I made the decision to go on antidepressants. I'm feeling a lot better about work now, and have even been promoted to position with more responsibility.

I do feel as though I'm being worn out trying to constantly battle my anxiety and depression. I'm trying to find something that I can do that are relaxing and easy to enjoy - like zumba classes. I still see my therapist regularly but I will defiantly bring this up at my next appointment.

Thanks for replying.

[29sillygirl]

Your choice of screen name and the information you shared on your MH page are descriptive of a strong person who understands her condition and has been fighting it for 7 years.  

My concern is that you are wearing yourself out as you battle anxiety while facing stressful events, with high expectations as well as high anxiety.  The experience on the train with the guy who triggered your panic reaction by being too forward is just one example of social anxiety.  Many woman would have just told him to back off.  But all of us with anxiety know we react by running:).  Fight or flight kicks in and off we go!

How is the job coming along?  You told us about your first day, but I haven't seen any posts since.  If you have been able to manage it, congratulations. It will be a great benefit  toward helping you deal with social anxiety.  The distraction work offers is beneficial as your mind has to focus on the tasks required.  This is usually helpful.

You mention being 'single' again for 3 months.  It is great to have a significant other, but the dating game is enormously stressful.  Intimacy is  probably not an issue.  I'm assuming you have had relationships in the past, so no worries.

You said you don't take medication for your condition, but have a good health plan and have seen a psychologist.   Agree with mammo that it is time to sit with a therapist and review what you've been doing.  How you are coping.  Medication might be indicated to slow down the stress that is creating wear and tear on your body and mind.

I wish you the best.  Keep reaching out.  We are a good group.  Here for you 24/7.

[mammo]

You need to determine why you have developed this fear of intimacy, and if you can't do this on your own, go to a therapist.  Jumping into intimacy with someone is not the answer, and may make it worse. Most would be "nervous" in this situation, but it should never send you into a panic attack.  Take your time and keep going out with your friends, and being around men while knowing you're in control.  Maybe the more you socialize the better it will get.  Don't even think about the intimacy part, it may be a long time before you meet someone you even want to be intimate with.  Just enjoy the company for now.  If you can't do this without anxiety or panicking then it's time to address this fear with a therapist, as it may stem from a deeper issue.  You will beat this, and be able to resume a normal life. Take care.