Is there any way out of this?

Hi all! I need some help (and support). I am suffering from extreme anxiety and I feel like I'm going crazy. Some background...I went through a diffiucult breakup at the end of 2010 and spent all of 2011 in a fog of depression. I gained 20 lbs during this time, and last August I started having severe heart palpitations. I went to a cardiologist and got the full workup - all is fine. And it was enough to snap me into action. I started eating right and exercising regularly and the palpitations went away. Until last week, when they came back fiercely. For the last 7 days the fluttering in my my chest has been waking me up at 4:30 a.m. and I they are constant for an hour or two. Then they continue throughout the day.

I think what may have triggered this was when I made a mistake at work and my boss called me an idiot and a failure....it started that very next morning. I have a very stressful job and the palpitations start up whenever someone is in my office. That I understand. What I don't get is why they wake me up - I'm sleeping and not even thinking about work or stress! I'm beginning to dread going to bed at night. This morning they were so bad I had arm and jaw pain and I really thought I was going to die (and admitedly, I hoped I would die just to stop the symptoms and the fear that comes with it). But again, the only thing that was stressing me out was the fact that my heart was alternatively racing and skipping beats....my mind wasn't even on stressful stuff.

I don't know what to do. I am a single mom and very alone. I have no family support system and I have no friends (I went into isolation last year, and when I pulled myself out of it I realized that the few friendships I did have had fizzled away...which caused all kinds of issues: what is wrong with me? Why didn't anyone call or ask why I disappeared. Am I THAT unlikeable?). I feel like all I do is work and take care of my kids, and the idea of making new friends produces more anxiety than I can handle right now. In August my doc tried to put me on a few different anti-anxiety meds, but I couldn't handle the side effects and I don't want a bandaid, I want a cure. It's so frustrating because I thought I was handling this by taking care of myself, but it snuck up me anyway. And without a single person in this world to turn to, I feel like I'm just slowly wasting away. Is there any hope? Does this ever go away?

[starfishdisco]

Hi lynnbee34, sorry to hear you've had such a hard time :-( firstly yes it will go away but you possibly may need help from your doctor, I think its terrible your boss said that to you and this with stress at work prob hv brought your symptoms back, if I read or am thinkn of stressful things b4 bed this can cause me to wake in the middle of the nite taking a panic attack so this cld b the same with u, but also our thots still work wen sleepn so the anxious thots cld just b popping into your head when sleeping. Hv all your friendships really fizzled or can they b saved? X

[jngemera]

Hi sorry to hear about your pain.  A few years back I kept going to the hospital due to cheast pains.  I thought I was having a heart attack.  Fortunatlly it ended up being panic attacks.  Which come to find out can happen at any time.  It is whenever your mind raises which can still happen in your sleep.  These can be treated.  It may take a while but you can get through this.  I am bi-polar and have anxiety, and insomnia.  I have now worked for my local mental health organization for 11 months guiding others to the stability I am now at.  I know this time seems hard and it causes a lot of grief.  But if your are strong enough to ask for help then you can fight this.  

[JGF25]

Hi there.  To answer one of your questions and the most important one is that yes there is a way out.  

Stress can be subconscious.  It is there lurking in the background so that even when you don't feel stressed you can have symptoms of stress, i.e., your heart palpitations, your tense jaw because you are clenching your teeth more than likely while you sleep.  Sleep is when our minds are not occupied with other tasks and so our mind is free to go to the dark side and wreak havoc.  

So let's address the problems.  The first thing is that you were in a depression for quite a long time.  You came out of that energized and ready to get your life back in order.  Then comes the boss who calls you an idiot and a failure.  I'm a boss and people make mistakes and I NEVER call them an idiot and a failure.  This is why companies have human resources.  This person should not be speaking to you this way and if I were you I'd make a call to human resources and report him/her.  But the call is yours.  You have to decide what is going to stress you out more, the mean boss or reporting the mean boss.  Does your work have a staff assistance program?  Usually this is where you can meet with someone free of charge and discuss what you are going through.  From there they usually try to hook you up with a therapist.  

You said you don't want a bandaid but you want a cure.  Well those of us that are predisposed to having anxiety are always going to be predisposed.  Triggers are going to come along and set us in motion and so you need to have the proper tools in place to help yourself.  There are coping strategies.  For myself, I would not say I'm cured but I do manage well.  

That is the next step...therapy.  A good psychologist that specializes in CBT can do wonders.  It is talk therapy along with learning strategies to help yourself calm down when you are woken up with your heart palpitations.  You have had a full workup and nothing is wrong so now it is time to take care of the stress and anxiety that is causing this.  Also, you are afraid now of these palpitations.  So that is another added stressor to your life.

I know you said you tried medication and didn't like the side affects.  How long did you stay on the meds if you don't mind me asking?  The reason I do ask is because it does take a good 4 to 6 weeks for the meds to really work effectively.  You need this time to build up the medication in your system.  For me the first 4 weeks were awful.  My anxiety was worse.  I woke up jittery every day.  But when that 4th week or so hit, I was so much better.  Now that I'm on the other side of the fence, I can honestly say it was worth it.  

The bottom line is there are options.  Try the CBT first and see how that goes.  If you are still struggling then you may want to throw some meds at it.  The combo of CBT and meds works very well for me.  

Lastly, it sounds like you are a single parent.  That is tough...more stress.  If they are old enough to where they can take care of themselves, then get out there and meet people.  I'm sure you are a very likable person.  When someone doesn't understand depression or anxiety, they tend to shy away.  Your friends probably hit the road because you were anti-social due to the depression and they didn't know what to do.  They probably figured you wanted to be left alone and so that is what they did.  I wouldn't take it personally.  Unless they have any of these types of disorders, it is really hard for them to understand.  There may be group therapy classes you can join where you can meet people going through the same thing you are.  

If your kids need a babysitter, then find one and get out of the house.  You can meet people virtually anywhere.  You took charge of your life once, you can do it again.  That is the most important thing to remember.  

Take care.

[Sagitarius88]

Hi:
So sorry to hear about ur days and nites, but I'm in a same situation as well where every day starts with a thought of its a last day of my life and every nite too, I ve these very bad anxiety symptoms for d last past 6 months, racing heart, skips a beat, nausea, dizziness, blurry eyes and shaky legs,I ve 10 months baby,I'm not a single parent but trust me with hubby working 12hrs dnt contribute anything relate to baby n I'm always in rush may b dats y I feel alone too, stress stress stress= anxiety all day n nite, I'm in a situation where I ask will I b better one day cuz im so scared that one day cuz of this stress n anxiety I 'll ve a heart problem :(

[Lynnbee34]

Thanks for your comments everyone. Just reading what you wrote has helped, because you've given me some practical advice I needed, at a time when every thought is so irrational, and I finally realize that I'm not the only one dealing with this. The palpitations were not so bad this morning...what a relief it was to wake up refreshed! But I took some  valium before bed, so that probably helped too. I made an appointment with a homeopathic doctor, so I'm hoping he'll be able to give me something to help without side effects. The problem with the anti-anxiety meds was that the side effects made me incapable of functioning. I would stare at the wall for hours, the fatigue was so extreme I fell asleep at my desk on several occasions and there were times I couldn't even remember my own name. I can't be like that for 4-6 weeks while trying to provide for and take care of my babies.

Sagitarius88, hang in there. I'm with you and from reading this board, there are a lot of people going through the same things we are. I'm believing it gets better, even if that belief is only by choice. God did not put us here to suffer, but to thrive. We just need to push through this, and I believe we will come out on the other side stronger for having gone through it. Ayn Rand once said in her novel "The Fountainhead" - "Be empty in order to be filled." I'm about as empty as I can be right now, so there's plenty of room to be filled with the good stuff. lol The challenge is in getting past the anxiety so that we can receive the good stuff.