Is this Anxiety?

[hobojo]

I have been seriously stressed. I'm battling two infants 17m and 6m. So between running around after them all day I have to worry about keeping the house clean, laundry, dishes, ect. Then I have to keep track of my husbands bills which he keeps getting loans! We don't have the money for any more of this. This is just some of whats stressing me. But I've found lately when I finally lay down to go to bed an relax My chest starts to hurt and and I lose my breath. Like all of a sudden my breathing gets real fast as if I was running. is this anxiety?

[hobojo]

btw i'll be 21 on August 14th and he's 22

[hobojo]

No Hes a great guy/dad when he wants to be. Hes not on drugs an him and his best friend no longer drink (due to his friend getting 2 dui's) I have no credit and he wont put my name on anything so I know he's not using my credit or name or info. He's a welder too. Like a said he makes good money. He makes enough that we should be able to put 200$ away every check and just leave it in the bank you know let it grow. But he wont be responsible. To make matter worse you won't believe what happened.
My water heater broke last weekend. I called his dad over and was informed water had shorted it out and it could have caught on fire at any moment (This killed me! My girls pass that water heater every day. I cryed that could have caught on fire and burnt my girls, That's all I could think about.) I also explained this to him this shack is falling apart and still he wont listen. What he thinks is its his money he'll do what he wants with it.
I know this all sounds terrible. An nothings gonna change unless I do it myself. I'm working on it. I'm gonna get a job buy my girls some FOOD and find an apartment. Maybe then he'll straighten up.  Thanks guys!

[nursegirl6572]

Well said!

[catmint]

Oh my!
I don't even know where to begin. Nobody should have to carry the load you're trying to and I'm sorry to be so blunt, but I think your husband is extremely immature and profoundly irresponsible.
That he has purchased two vehicles that cost $600 a month in payments while he allows his babies to live in a "shack" WITH NO HEAT borders on abuse in my book!
You say he makes pretty good money but sometimes you go 2-3 WEEKS without food!!!! And now you're pregnant again........
If he won't sit down with you and discuss your financial problems and work out a budget, if he is not willing to get his spending under control, if he is so selfish that he puts himself first before the welfare of his children..........then I am going to say that for the sake of your children and your unborn child, you SHOULD leave him. You say you don't want to, and I can respect that you want to try and keep the family together, but at what cost? Your CHILDREN'S physical and emotional health? Your own?
There are free agencies out there who can help you make these very difficult and heart wrenching decisions and depending on what you decide, help you and your children get a better life. A future...........because it sure sounds to me like if you stay with your husband, you'll stay in that shack.
I'm sure this is a frightening time for you and is no doubt why you are having anxious thoughts, but you DO have choices. You will have to be brave and strong if you should chose to leave, but unlike your husband, I think YOU are putting your children first, which is where they firmly belong.
I wish you and your children the life you all deserve.

[nursegirl6572]

Well, sweetie, I agree it's time for some tough decisions.  Your hubby is going to run you into the ground (he's already doing that).  He wants to move on a lot with 40 acres, yet he's more worried about the car he's driving, all at the expense of buying food?  That's not just mismanagement, that's just plain old irresponsible, he's not being a good provider.  And he's not helping at home at all, that's just unacceptable.  The things he's doing now not only affect you NOW (as you are well aware of), but these careless decisions will affect you for decades to come.  Does he drink or abuse drugs?  Anything like that?  How old are you both?

I hear you that your options are limited.  I don't know how you're going to pull it off, but I agree that it would maybe be best to work hard to change your situation.  Find some new friends, ones with children, find some people who could help you out while you went to school or work.  

I wish I had some easy answers.  The agency I mentioned prior CCCS is great for helping with money issues, but it will be futile if your husband doesn't do his part.  How does he keep getting these loans?  Is his credit good ?..(if so, won't be for long).  You better make sure he isn't using your info.  I've heard that happens far too often among married couples.  Keep an eye on your credit report.  

If you can manage to get a job and your credit is good, you will have options for you and the kids...I agree to let him stay there and figure it out for himself, or he can decide he wants to be responsible and go along with your plan.  He's ignoring your cries for help and you pleading to not make your situation worse.  To me, that calls for some drastic measures.

Very best to you hon, I'm sure it's very hard!

[hobojo]

I'd like to add. We have no help. I'm not on foodstamps. We sometimes go 2-3 weeks with NO FOOD. I don't have a fancy phone either. I don't like them things. My phone was 99cents at walmart. I'm old fashioned on the phone, I gotta have buttons that touch screen crap don't do it for me. My fingers are to big for it.
to make matters worse, we had an accident this last month and now I've got another baby on the way! (COMPLETE ACCIDENT)  ='( I'm sure yall can see why i'm so stressed. This one bedroom shack ain't gonna hold 5 people.

[hobojo]

No I have no help! My parents are dead. His Mom runs a daycare already and even though I've asked her she doesn't wanna watch babies after she gets off of work. His dad is disabled and can't watch them till their at least potty trained. That's pretty much all I got. An no Hubbys not helpful either. He leaves all this on me says its all my job. When he does comes home he goes to sleep! I've tried explaining to him I can't do everything! I have to mow the lawn with two kids?? That never happens. Plus my number one stress right now is I live in a shack! Literally a box put on a faulty foundation that has no heat or air. Moving in here three years ago, this was suppose to be temporary. Now i'm raising my kids in it. I don't like it. I want to MOVE!

An Yes, Yes and Yes! Money is being poorly mismanaged, I have been keeping track of all my bills since the year started. I have it on my computer on Excel. We pay nearly $1,500 a month in bills alone. Let me say he makes pretty good money he's just not being responsible with it and he wont listen to me. I've been trying and trying to talk sense in to him.
I've got

*water 50/m
*truck 400/m
*cable 140/m
*phone 150/m
*insurance ? 150-190/m
*credit card MAX OUT 1,100 min payment 35
*Loan Bml 400 min payment 25
*Four wheeler payment 200/m
*Electric 60-100/m

Plus a new loan he's getting Thursday. An I've told him I am not happy about this I don't think we can do it. He said not to worry about it. He's more worried about the vehicle he drives and not so worried about the run down shack his children are living in.

Now believe me I thought of everything I could possibly do. I keep thinking I'll move I find a place an move if he wants to live with me and his kids he'll follow. (I don't wanna leave him I just wanna move) But I have no money. I'm a stay at home mom as well.

In the long run the plan is that were getting a new house at income tax next year. But he wants something with 40 acres out in the country. that's a pretty penny! an he's been telling me for the last two years that we would move. I'm just tired. I'm so tired of being broke. If it were possible I would do everything you suggested nursegirl6572. I'm not that great with money but I don't go out and buy fourwheelers and cars I can't afford an make loans. I got a new online job I've been stressing with it maybe if I can make some money off of it. I'm gonna move. Leave him with his bills and if he wants to follow he can.
I just wanna buy my girls nice things. They never get anything new. Everything I got for them is used. Not that i'm not greatful to everyone who gave me baby stuff. I would just like to get them some nice new things. From me! *Rant Over* Sorry for posting my problems out like that. I don't know what to do anymore. He won't listen to me!

[nursegirl6572]

I agree very much with Paxilled.  What you describe is a normal stress reaction to various stressors.  That doesn't mean you have an anxiety problem, or an anxiety disorder.

One of the main characteristics of an anxiety disorder, as Paxiled mentioned is that it seems to come out of nowhere, with no obvious triggers.  That's not what you describe.

You need to work on getting the stress in your life to a more manageable level.  I would recommend a few things.....  

For starters, is there anyone who can help you with the kids?  Friends?  Family?  Even a few hours a few days a week would be a burden lifted.  You could either take that time to enjoy some "down time" for yourself, or to go to the store yourself, those kinds of things.  Does your husband help with the babies when he's home from work?

I've been blessed to be a stay at home Mom for a good bit of my motherhood, and I can say that having a helpful husband makes all the difference in the world.  Now, that's not to say that you hand over the babies after your hubby has worked a long day and take off (lol, as tempting as it may be), but if he's not helping much at all, you need to communicate that to him.

Next, you need to sit down with your hubby and discuss the finances. This is HUGE!  How you handle your money now sets the stage for at least a decade to come. You both need to put everything down on paper.  The payday loans absolutely have to stop, you're right, that is NOT the answer to getting out of debt, or making ends meet.  That's going to dig you into a much deeper hole financially.

Is there a spending problem somewhere?  Is the money being mismanaged, or are you living above your means?  You both need to agree on a budget and stick to it.  It isn't easy and you may have to sacrifice some of the perks in life you enjoy (like not having the newest iPhone, ditching cable TV (or in the least downgrading your plan), those kinds of things.  Until you guys are in a better place financially, you cannot justify being careless and irresponsible with money.

There are agencies that will help you with your finances and getting debt paid off.  Look into consumer credit counseling services.  They will actually sit down with you both with all of your bills and they will work with your creditors (like the loan people) to negotiate a monthly payment that is affordable, and the creditors most times will stop interest and fees from accruing while you're working to get your debt paid down with an agency like that.

Financial worries are THE biggest source of marital strife and stress, and the biggest reason people split up.  If you guys can get on the same page with that and start taking steps to improve your situation, that will lift a HUGE portion of that stress off your shoulders.  That's a big one.

Start there, after you start doing things to manage your life stress, if after some time, you don't notice a significant improvement in your symptoms, then it may be time to talk to your doctor about the anxiety.  

Because sometimes, even though anxiety is caused by real life stressors, when it's left unaddressed for a long enough time, you can be left with chronic anxiety issues.  That's why you want to get on this stuff now, and start getting some order back in your life, as much as possible, not to mention you need to, to ensure the stability of your family.  The things you're stressing over is life, but they absolutely can be improved if not fixed all together.  

Good luck to you!

[alienevo]

Stress is very serious.
It can hurt your health, see your family doctor and tell him your concerns.
He will help you with 'stress-help'
do not ignore it!

[Paxiled]

Man, you've got plenty of reasons for stress!  If you can't whittle this stuff down, then you need to learn to handle the stress better.  Anxiety is from nothing, it just comes from nowhere.  Your stuff is real.  There are techniques for relaxing and reducing feeling stress from stressful situations, that's where you need to go from here.

[loosinghope535]

i recommend a check up as well, you wouldnt want your symptoms to get worse.

[remar]

It could be anxiety. You do have an awful lot of stress going on. I can't imagine how hard it would be taking care of two babies under the age of two years old on top of your home and husband.
I would recommend seeing your Dr for a check up. He/she will check your breathing and maybe do some other testing. I know that many of us that have anxiety also have breathing problems, like we can't get enough air at times. The chest tightness is an anxiety symptom too. But, like I said, it really is best to see your Dr to find out if this is indeed anxiety or something else going on like a cold or allergies.