Aa
Lots of issues here!
Hi,
This is going to sound like a rant- for instance i didnt even know where to post this as there are more issues than just one going on with me at the moment.
i have been suffering from an eating disorder for 6 or so years, although im not even sure if i have one... im not thin enough. i abuse laxatives and go through stages when i binge and purge or just not eat for days. im obsessed with the scales and hate eating food if the nutrition content is not writen on it. i hate feeling full....
I was raped a month ago for the second time. i have been to the doctors for diazepam for anxiety and sleeping tablets because im not sleeping. I have lost 6kg in a month and am finding my anxiety is not working with the diazepam so i have tried not to take it today.
The doctor and others have noticed ive lost weight (i am 165cm tall and weighed 56 now i weigh 50). i have told them im just stressed and im eating but cant eat alot becuase of the nerves- which is true (sometimes...) but when i do feel hungry and i can eat im not permitting myself to eat either. i love the control. and more than once i have eaten 'normal' amounts of food but felt guilty and made myself sick. im so confused...i feel so dirty and discusting about the rape but i dont know whether im depressed about that or the eating. Or im using to fuel an eating disorder- but is it that?? am i still normal weight? its so frustrating, im feeling every emotion u possibly could at the moment i think!!
im obsessed with the scales, they have been determining my mood lately as well. except its weird, because i feel good when i loose weight, but feel guilty because i know i shouldnt be doing it and am lying to those around me.
i go through stages where ill excersise and eat normally, but there are stilll 'disordered' thoughts at the back of my head. its not that i tthink im fat, i just want to look different and i love the control- although as im writing this im feeling that i have no control at all.
do u think i have an eating disorder?? what is going to happen to me if i keep taking laxatives... im scared but i started using them 6 years ago at first becuase i wasnt having normal bowel movements...now i never have them without laxatives and i know my muscles are weaker from taking them. i feel like i deserved to be punished.
I have also been self harming from anxiety but that didnt start until i stared taking the diazepam so thats why im trying not to take it anymore.
Its also scaring me bbecuase i dont mind looking sick.. becuase i feel sick on the inside and people cant see that. i know its not normal to feel this way, but im feeling like im beyond help.
PLEASE HELP!! if possible..
Thanks.
This is going to sound like a rant- for instance i didnt even know where to post this as there are more issues than just one going on with me at the moment.
i have been suffering from an eating disorder for 6 or so years, although im not even sure if i have one... im not thin enough. i abuse laxatives and go through stages when i binge and purge or just not eat for days. im obsessed with the scales and hate eating food if the nutrition content is not writen on it. i hate feeling full....
I was raped a month ago for the second time. i have been to the doctors for diazepam for anxiety and sleeping tablets because im not sleeping. I have lost 6kg in a month and am finding my anxiety is not working with the diazepam so i have tried not to take it today.
The doctor and others have noticed ive lost weight (i am 165cm tall and weighed 56 now i weigh 50). i have told them im just stressed and im eating but cant eat alot becuase of the nerves- which is true (sometimes...) but when i do feel hungry and i can eat im not permitting myself to eat either. i love the control. and more than once i have eaten 'normal' amounts of food but felt guilty and made myself sick. im so confused...i feel so dirty and discusting about the rape but i dont know whether im depressed about that or the eating. Or im using to fuel an eating disorder- but is it that?? am i still normal weight? its so frustrating, im feeling every emotion u possibly could at the moment i think!!
im obsessed with the scales, they have been determining my mood lately as well. except its weird, because i feel good when i loose weight, but feel guilty because i know i shouldnt be doing it and am lying to those around me.
i go through stages where ill excersise and eat normally, but there are stilll 'disordered' thoughts at the back of my head. its not that i tthink im fat, i just want to look different and i love the control- although as im writing this im feeling that i have no control at all.
do u think i have an eating disorder?? what is going to happen to me if i keep taking laxatives... im scared but i started using them 6 years ago at first becuase i wasnt having normal bowel movements...now i never have them without laxatives and i know my muscles are weaker from taking them. i feel like i deserved to be punished.
I have also been self harming from anxiety but that didnt start until i stared taking the diazepam so thats why im trying not to take it anymore.
Its also scaring me bbecuase i dont mind looking sick.. becuase i feel sick on the inside and people cant see that. i know its not normal to feel this way, but im feeling like im beyond help.
PLEASE HELP!! if possible..
Thanks.
thank you for your help :-)
i do not look underweight though... not just to myself but to other people. i mean sure- they think im thin, but im not sickly looking and i have a muscly build.
the laxative abuse is not really to rid calories for me, its just i like the feeling of 'getting rid of it.'
im so scared. i want to be healthy. im only 19 turning 20 this year. i want to be a mum one day and have a family. i am currently studying so i can work in the health proffession- i am very good when it comes to looking after other people and i find it a lot easier than looking after myself. ive always got good grades and always had my head screwed on... well except for eating. i know people see me as being a person a strong person who is easy to talk too, im was really good at hiding the way i was feeling and i dont think people thought any thing of the weight loss when i blamed it on stress- people beleive me and i feel ashamed to lie about it.
I am seeing someone 'therapy' wise about the rape but im not bonding with her and dont tell her the truth. i tell her too the weight loss is becuase i am churned up inside...which is true but even when i can eat i dont want too.
I shouldnt be like this.... i have a fantastic family and great friends. apart from the rape...i pretty much have got a life that most people would want to live. i dont understand why eating and control is soo hard for me.
i knew i have an disordered eating and thoughts....i just dont know what to class it as. even though through all my study its blurry to me.
thank you again for all of your help.
i do not look underweight though... not just to myself but to other people. i mean sure- they think im thin, but im not sickly looking and i have a muscly build.
the laxative abuse is not really to rid calories for me, its just i like the feeling of 'getting rid of it.'
im so scared. i want to be healthy. im only 19 turning 20 this year. i want to be a mum one day and have a family. i am currently studying so i can work in the health proffession- i am very good when it comes to looking after other people and i find it a lot easier than looking after myself. ive always got good grades and always had my head screwed on... well except for eating. i know people see me as being a person a strong person who is easy to talk too, im was really good at hiding the way i was feeling and i dont think people thought any thing of the weight loss when i blamed it on stress- people beleive me and i feel ashamed to lie about it.
I am seeing someone 'therapy' wise about the rape but im not bonding with her and dont tell her the truth. i tell her too the weight loss is becuase i am churned up inside...which is true but even when i can eat i dont want too.
I shouldnt be like this.... i have a fantastic family and great friends. apart from the rape...i pretty much have got a life that most people would want to live. i dont understand why eating and control is soo hard for me.
i knew i have an disordered eating and thoughts....i just dont know what to class it as. even though through all my study its blurry to me.
thank you again for all of your help.
You do of course have an eating disorder in which you seriously need to find help with professionally. Where are your family in all of this? are they supporting you? do they even know what is going on?
You say what has happened to you (rape) is a huge crime and you are certainly 110% not to blame in this, you are a victim and need to report this immediately as this has happened to you"Twice" this is terrible you need to sort this person out and get them arrested for what they have done to you!
You do not mention your age, I am guessing that you are very young by the sounds of things. You will have of course all of the support of this forum site, and I am so glad that you joined us cause it sounds as though you can do with all of the support and advice that you can get.
Please let me know how you are doing!
Talk soon and take care.
Sunset555
You say what has happened to you (rape) is a huge crime and you are certainly 110% not to blame in this, you are a victim and need to report this immediately as this has happened to you"Twice" this is terrible you need to sort this person out and get them arrested for what they have done to you!
You do not mention your age, I am guessing that you are very young by the sounds of things. You will have of course all of the support of this forum site, and I am so glad that you joined us cause it sounds as though you can do with all of the support and advice that you can get.
Please let me know how you are doing!
Talk soon and take care.
Sunset555
"have been suffering from an eating disorder for 6 or so years, although im not even sure if i have one... im not thin enough."
According to standard height/weight charts you are very underweight with your weight being in the 10th percentile. This means that 90% of women of your height weigh more than you. Thinking you are not "thin enough" is classical eating disorder mentality as is many of the other behaviors you describe.
"do u think i have an eating disorder??"
YES.
It sounds like you have had a very tough life and the "control" over your weight is a way for you to have some "control" over your life - again, this is VERY common in those with eating disorders.
"what is going to happen to me if i keep taking laxatives."
Laxative abusive is VERY serious and can lead to irreversible damage (such as non-responsive bowels e.g. you will eventually lose ALL control of them) and can even be FATAL. BTW: Laxatives will NOT add in losing weight because the calories you consume are absorbed by the small intestine directly after consumption.
The BEST thing you can do for yourself is to get into therapy. You are on a dangerous path right now and ABSOLUTELY need to seek help from a professional. It sounds like you have many things to work through and will likely need much help to see there IS light at the end of the tunnel. I don't have else in the way of advice except that you will always have a support system here and we are here to help you in anyway you can.
According to standard height/weight charts you are very underweight with your weight being in the 10th percentile. This means that 90% of women of your height weigh more than you. Thinking you are not "thin enough" is classical eating disorder mentality as is many of the other behaviors you describe.
"do u think i have an eating disorder??"
YES.
It sounds like you have had a very tough life and the "control" over your weight is a way for you to have some "control" over your life - again, this is VERY common in those with eating disorders.
"what is going to happen to me if i keep taking laxatives."
Laxative abusive is VERY serious and can lead to irreversible damage (such as non-responsive bowels e.g. you will eventually lose ALL control of them) and can even be FATAL. BTW: Laxatives will NOT add in losing weight because the calories you consume are absorbed by the small intestine directly after consumption.
The BEST thing you can do for yourself is to get into therapy. You are on a dangerous path right now and ABSOLUTELY need to seek help from a professional. It sounds like you have many things to work through and will likely need much help to see there IS light at the end of the tunnel. I don't have else in the way of advice except that you will always have a support system here and we are here to help you in anyway you can.
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