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My Story - Anxiety/Panic or more?
Hello. I will try to make this brief, although it's a long story.
I am a healthy 27 year old male with a history of mild to moderate anxiety. In the past I had taken Paxil and Celexa with success, although I stopped taking meds late in 2005. I have a history of anxiety surrounding healthcare and all things medical.
This November, after a relatively anxiety-free summer and fall, I relocated and felt my anxiety start to spike just a small bit. Around this time a friend of mine lost her mother to a sudden heart attack and it started me worrying about my health on and off again. Then one night in late November, I smoked a good amount of Marijuana (hadn't ever smoked before smoking on 10-15 occasions this fall) and became almost instantly hyper panicked. I had never felt this "gone" on weed before. It was an awful feeling (one that, most certainly, has left me vowing never to smoke again). I was almost completely depersonalized - felt like I could lose consciousness at any point. About an hour into the ordeal, I was able to take blood pressure - heart rate was 180 or so and both BP readings were beyond stage two hypertension on the chart. Clearly, I was in some sort of panic attack. I thought I was going to die and fell asleep in a state of total panic/tension.
The next morning I woke and found myself feeling quite strange. Very mentally slow and unable to track really. That next day I felt like I was slurring my speech somewhat, like my coordination, vision and comprehension were off. I told myself it was just a bad fog post-marijuana and shook it off. A few days passed and I was still foggy. I found myself worrying about things like my heart rate. Keep in mind I am 27 and healthy. I ran three miles a day this summer.
Then, about a week after the episode, while driving through the city, I really noticed that my vision wasn't right. Lights seemed extra bright and haloed. Signs in the distance were hard to read. I felt like my reaction time was slow to other cars and stimuli from my environment.
Around this same time, my nerves really started to act up. The pinky and ring finger in my left hand would start to feel prickly or numb (you can imagine what this did to my heart fears). Soon, the right hand followed suit. My ulnar nerves in both arms began to feel extra sensitive to the touch. Almost like they were just a dull ache. The nerves along the outside of my lower legs also became noticeably sensitive - if I pushed on them, I'd feel sensations all down through my feet. I woke up one day and felt like my face was also somewhat numb and that my speech was still slightly slurred.
Here is where the anxiety took off. I began to look up all sorts of conditions online (mostly neuro) and would have waves of fear over them. My legs and arms turned from just prickly here and there to a deep, tired ache - not a sick ache, but more like I had just gone running. I would find myself extremely tired for no reason. I'd wake up with tired limbs and have just no energy.
All this time I haven't slept very well. I wake up at least five or six times a night. Haven't slept straight through in a month or more. I also feel like my swallowing is labored. Sometimes like there is a lump I am swallowing hard over.
Over the holidays I went home and one morning I woke, took two or three steps and fainted. After a couple moments I woke up very dazed, sweaty and panicked. Similar, actually, to the feeling of near loss of consciousness I had the night of the weed episode. I ended up going to urgent care because I smashed up my hand during the fall and they sent me to the ER because I had lost consciousness. At the hospital they took my BP sitting and standing, etc... also ran blood tests and found nothing other than a "slight elevated shift" in my WBC.
So I came home from that visit, still foggy, still without answers, and still wondering what is happening to me.
I have a friend who has MS and I have asked her about some of my symptoms - like the fact that I can't seem to recall words quickly, the brain fog in general and the distance vision. She said that when her MS first presented itself, she had vision loss, but it was more complete, like one eye went blind. When I look through a friend's glasses, I can see things clearly. She said that did not sound like a neuro. cause for the vision then.
As you can tell, I am still quite panicked. I am reaching out to whoever will listen and may have some ideas. Without health insurance, I cannot afford to go to a doctor and order up a bunch of tests. I can barely afford to be back on Celexa, but I went back on two weeks ago.
I will summarize my situation and if anyone has any thoughts, I would appreciate it.
- History of anxiety, esp. health-related
- Tingling in hands was felt before episode, but never before starting smoking weed this fall
- Late november marijuana use triggers hours-long episode (panic, I assume)
- Post-episode symptoms that started the next morning:
- Brain fog, slowness with words, trouble reading and multitasking, cognitive
- Post-episode symptoms that came on more gradually:
- Nerve pain, muscle fatigue, facial tightness more traditional anxiety (response to symptoms)
- Previously perfect vision, since episode I have trouble with distance and lights
- Sensitivity to loud or sudden sounds
- Feeling like I have trouble with balance
- Trouble swallowing that comes and goes
- Waking up multiple times each night
- Things feel different to my fingers/palms - paper towels feel rougher, for example
I could list more, but I will just leave this novel where it stands, unedited, raw and here for your thoughts. It has been six weeks without much change. I just want to be myself again, to laugh, to smile, to stop thinking I ruined my life with that fateful marijuana use and whatever the heck has happened since. Is it possible that I tweaked my entire CNS that night and am stuck in some sort of panic episode? The only thing I can actually verify is the slightly elevated WBC and the fact that someone's glasses helped my vision. Both of those things could just be anxiety I guess.
Anyway, I'm done typing, my brain feels spent after all this, I am sorry it got so long.
I am a healthy 27 year old male with a history of mild to moderate anxiety. In the past I had taken Paxil and Celexa with success, although I stopped taking meds late in 2005. I have a history of anxiety surrounding healthcare and all things medical.
This November, after a relatively anxiety-free summer and fall, I relocated and felt my anxiety start to spike just a small bit. Around this time a friend of mine lost her mother to a sudden heart attack and it started me worrying about my health on and off again. Then one night in late November, I smoked a good amount of Marijuana (hadn't ever smoked before smoking on 10-15 occasions this fall) and became almost instantly hyper panicked. I had never felt this "gone" on weed before. It was an awful feeling (one that, most certainly, has left me vowing never to smoke again). I was almost completely depersonalized - felt like I could lose consciousness at any point. About an hour into the ordeal, I was able to take blood pressure - heart rate was 180 or so and both BP readings were beyond stage two hypertension on the chart. Clearly, I was in some sort of panic attack. I thought I was going to die and fell asleep in a state of total panic/tension.
The next morning I woke and found myself feeling quite strange. Very mentally slow and unable to track really. That next day I felt like I was slurring my speech somewhat, like my coordination, vision and comprehension were off. I told myself it was just a bad fog post-marijuana and shook it off. A few days passed and I was still foggy. I found myself worrying about things like my heart rate. Keep in mind I am 27 and healthy. I ran three miles a day this summer.
Then, about a week after the episode, while driving through the city, I really noticed that my vision wasn't right. Lights seemed extra bright and haloed. Signs in the distance were hard to read. I felt like my reaction time was slow to other cars and stimuli from my environment.
Around this same time, my nerves really started to act up. The pinky and ring finger in my left hand would start to feel prickly or numb (you can imagine what this did to my heart fears). Soon, the right hand followed suit. My ulnar nerves in both arms began to feel extra sensitive to the touch. Almost like they were just a dull ache. The nerves along the outside of my lower legs also became noticeably sensitive - if I pushed on them, I'd feel sensations all down through my feet. I woke up one day and felt like my face was also somewhat numb and that my speech was still slightly slurred.
Here is where the anxiety took off. I began to look up all sorts of conditions online (mostly neuro) and would have waves of fear over them. My legs and arms turned from just prickly here and there to a deep, tired ache - not a sick ache, but more like I had just gone running. I would find myself extremely tired for no reason. I'd wake up with tired limbs and have just no energy.
All this time I haven't slept very well. I wake up at least five or six times a night. Haven't slept straight through in a month or more. I also feel like my swallowing is labored. Sometimes like there is a lump I am swallowing hard over.
Over the holidays I went home and one morning I woke, took two or three steps and fainted. After a couple moments I woke up very dazed, sweaty and panicked. Similar, actually, to the feeling of near loss of consciousness I had the night of the weed episode. I ended up going to urgent care because I smashed up my hand during the fall and they sent me to the ER because I had lost consciousness. At the hospital they took my BP sitting and standing, etc... also ran blood tests and found nothing other than a "slight elevated shift" in my WBC.
So I came home from that visit, still foggy, still without answers, and still wondering what is happening to me.
I have a friend who has MS and I have asked her about some of my symptoms - like the fact that I can't seem to recall words quickly, the brain fog in general and the distance vision. She said that when her MS first presented itself, she had vision loss, but it was more complete, like one eye went blind. When I look through a friend's glasses, I can see things clearly. She said that did not sound like a neuro. cause for the vision then.
As you can tell, I am still quite panicked. I am reaching out to whoever will listen and may have some ideas. Without health insurance, I cannot afford to go to a doctor and order up a bunch of tests. I can barely afford to be back on Celexa, but I went back on two weeks ago.
I will summarize my situation and if anyone has any thoughts, I would appreciate it.
- History of anxiety, esp. health-related
- Tingling in hands was felt before episode, but never before starting smoking weed this fall
- Late november marijuana use triggers hours-long episode (panic, I assume)
- Post-episode symptoms that started the next morning:
- Brain fog, slowness with words, trouble reading and multitasking, cognitive
- Post-episode symptoms that came on more gradually:
- Nerve pain, muscle fatigue, facial tightness more traditional anxiety (response to symptoms)
- Previously perfect vision, since episode I have trouble with distance and lights
- Sensitivity to loud or sudden sounds
- Feeling like I have trouble with balance
- Trouble swallowing that comes and goes
- Waking up multiple times each night
- Things feel different to my fingers/palms - paper towels feel rougher, for example
I could list more, but I will just leave this novel where it stands, unedited, raw and here for your thoughts. It has been six weeks without much change. I just want to be myself again, to laugh, to smile, to stop thinking I ruined my life with that fateful marijuana use and whatever the heck has happened since. Is it possible that I tweaked my entire CNS that night and am stuck in some sort of panic episode? The only thing I can actually verify is the slightly elevated WBC and the fact that someone's glasses helped my vision. Both of those things could just be anxiety I guess.
Anyway, I'm done typing, my brain feels spent after all this, I am sorry it got so long.
Hey Reg..........I can relate to some of your demons and I can understand the fear of living life in a somewhat disassociated state. I am a 56 y/o woman with severe panic disorder and an entire boatload of other health issues, which I shan't bore anyone with here and now. I was sexually abused from age 4 to 9 by the retarded son of our neighbor. When I was 7, he poured gasoline on my dog and set her on fire in front of me, telling me that he would do the same to me if I ever told anyone. How I didn't turn into "Cybil" is still a mystery to me, but I certainly repressed a great deal until one day in my mid-twenties, an event caused me to "remember." During the next decade, I experienced many of the symptoms you are speaking of. To this day I have an extremely high startle response, which actually makes some people laugh when a door slams and I scream or literally fall out of my chair. I took acid (LSD) a couple times in my late teens, each time I went on a really "bad trip." They were horrible and I've always wondered, as you do now, if I didn't do some permanent damage to my CNS from those experiences. I've been no by many docs. I also used to smoke a lot of weed, but once at a party, I was feeling sort of nervous because I didn't know anyone except the friend who had taken me, so when a joint came my way, I smoked nearly the entire thing myself as it use to relax me. Little did I know that it had been "dusted" with PCP until I woke up in the hospital. Have NEVER been able to smoke pot since then.........even when I grew my own and knew it was clean. Did that screw up even more of my CNS? I'm rambling and most (all?) of this has nothing to do with your issues, but I think so much of what JSGeare has told you is incredibly remarkable advice. Maybe what I wanted to say was that sometimes you DO need to do travel into the past to see where you are today. I think you can safely say that you are a highly anxious person and that is responsible for some of your problems, but it sounds like there is a deep pool you need to go swimin' in. I do wish you luck. Take it one day at a time. You write very well........begin a journal. Whenever you feel anxious, WRITE!
Peace
Greenlydia
Peace
Greenlydia
Sorry for the late reply -MedHealth, in the throes of upgrades (so they call it) has had a terminal case of electronic hiccups.
One of the problems with you playing expert -is that you are one. I'm not making it up. No, of course you don't have a medical degree, but your powers of logic and expression are able to distill from a rarefied atmosphere of data some very pertinent facts. Of course, this also works against you, because when you very properly take the opposing point of view in your own head, a state of conflict -and period inactivity, a mental inertia -results. For as much as I admire your writing, I confess to a somewhat morbid curiosity about the internal dialog which spawned it. I'd love to see the rough drafts, so to speak.
All that said, it should come as no surpise to you that the exercise of your keen intellect is one sure and certain way to put it right; the exposure, the risk, is that the same intellect may also be clever enough to shove important but inconvenient truths (as it were) -to the rear. Hmmmmmm.
You already know that the business of $120 an hour (you can get it for less if you look around) really boils down to the value you place on some resolution, or, barring that, at least some rationale framework of comprehension -some boxes for all those toys. And it need not go on interminably; I was, after all, just suggesting a consult. People drop $120 for dinner out.
And Reginald, when you learn to live and love and laugh while being by yourself -you'll know you are, at last, home again. You have everything you need to get there.
One of the problems with you playing expert -is that you are one. I'm not making it up. No, of course you don't have a medical degree, but your powers of logic and expression are able to distill from a rarefied atmosphere of data some very pertinent facts. Of course, this also works against you, because when you very properly take the opposing point of view in your own head, a state of conflict -and period inactivity, a mental inertia -results. For as much as I admire your writing, I confess to a somewhat morbid curiosity about the internal dialog which spawned it. I'd love to see the rough drafts, so to speak.
All that said, it should come as no surpise to you that the exercise of your keen intellect is one sure and certain way to put it right; the exposure, the risk, is that the same intellect may also be clever enough to shove important but inconvenient truths (as it were) -to the rear. Hmmmmmm.
You already know that the business of $120 an hour (you can get it for less if you look around) really boils down to the value you place on some resolution, or, barring that, at least some rationale framework of comprehension -some boxes for all those toys. And it need not go on interminably; I was, after all, just suggesting a consult. People drop $120 for dinner out.
And Reginald, when you learn to live and love and laugh while being by yourself -you'll know you are, at last, home again. You have everything you need to get there.
I appreciate the advice. I am seeing my therapist next Tuesday. When I first told her the symptoms, she didn't seem to think I needed to rush off to a bunch of doctoring.
I just went for a long walk and that seems to help, at least to calm me down - although I can feel my breathing get labored along the way and I know that's anxiety.
It's tough - at times I feel like if I wanted to, I could snap out of all of this. At others, I feel like it has to be at least partially physical - the vision change that is aided by glasses, for example.
Then again, I know the strong impact that anxiety can have on our bodies. I have also read about marijuana use triggering the first panic attack/episode in people who are prone to them. The night I smoked that weed, I was already panicked about my health and perhaps it just locked me into some sort of perma-panic state.
What I know, for sure, is that I am anxious. I also know that whatever - if any - physical problems I have, they haven't really gotten markedly worse or better in six weeks. One would think that something acute would get worse, or something chronic might get better.
When I left the hospital following the fainting episode, I could have hung onto the fact that they thought I was fine - that all they found was a slightly elevated WBC. Instead, I found myself asking, "why didn't they do more tests?"
When I get like this, I perhaps try to play expert - try to say that only I can really know that there is something wrong with me. This I know has happened before. I am in a similar funk that I have felt before. Whether it preceded the physical symptoms or not, I am not sure. I guess I know I was anxious that night, and then the next day, the weirdness started to snowball.
That night, the panic attack I was in lasted at least two hours. I know it correlated with the marijuana I had smoked, but I don't mean to suggest that the weed has done this all.
What I wonder, really, is what would happen if I just forced myself to get up tomorrow and pretend that I am healthy. If I tried to push through it all - perhaps with the understanding that if things get worse or if they haven't lifted in another two weeks or whatever, that I will seek medical advice.
JS, I fear you are right that most people would advise me to just seek doctoring right from the get go. Heck, if I were rich, I'd probably have done that anyway. The question is, I guess, if I got a completely clean bill of health from a doc, would that make me instantly less anxious? Or would I be left right where I am now?
Tonight, I will take 20mg of Celexa once again. Once again, I can guarantee it will make me FEEL like my eyes are somewhat itchy and my throat is scratchy. Once again, I will resist the urge to take a Benadryl and try to push through, and once again, after a night of spotty sleep where I likely wake up and think I can't swallow thirteen times, I will wake up only somewhat rested and try to get at it again.
And so it goes.
I want to thank all who have responded so far and anyone else who wants to chime in, please do.
This site provides an invaluable resource - namely, community and listening ears. That, perhaps more than anything else, is something I have had a hard time leaning on my family and friends for. I feel like they are sick of me talking about this and for $120 an hour, my therapist just can't be an everyday expenditure... :)
Anyway, you can tell from the rambling once again that I am a writer and I don't know how to shut up. Interestingly, I just noticed that my inability to find the right word(s) and express myself correctly seems to be much less evident when I am writing. I wonder if that would turn my concern about neurological brain fog on its head? Curious.
Ahh, damn... I am a 27 year old who should be out living and loving and laughing. Soon, I will be back there, I pray.
I just went for a long walk and that seems to help, at least to calm me down - although I can feel my breathing get labored along the way and I know that's anxiety.
It's tough - at times I feel like if I wanted to, I could snap out of all of this. At others, I feel like it has to be at least partially physical - the vision change that is aided by glasses, for example.
Then again, I know the strong impact that anxiety can have on our bodies. I have also read about marijuana use triggering the first panic attack/episode in people who are prone to them. The night I smoked that weed, I was already panicked about my health and perhaps it just locked me into some sort of perma-panic state.
What I know, for sure, is that I am anxious. I also know that whatever - if any - physical problems I have, they haven't really gotten markedly worse or better in six weeks. One would think that something acute would get worse, or something chronic might get better.
When I left the hospital following the fainting episode, I could have hung onto the fact that they thought I was fine - that all they found was a slightly elevated WBC. Instead, I found myself asking, "why didn't they do more tests?"
When I get like this, I perhaps try to play expert - try to say that only I can really know that there is something wrong with me. This I know has happened before. I am in a similar funk that I have felt before. Whether it preceded the physical symptoms or not, I am not sure. I guess I know I was anxious that night, and then the next day, the weirdness started to snowball.
That night, the panic attack I was in lasted at least two hours. I know it correlated with the marijuana I had smoked, but I don't mean to suggest that the weed has done this all.
What I wonder, really, is what would happen if I just forced myself to get up tomorrow and pretend that I am healthy. If I tried to push through it all - perhaps with the understanding that if things get worse or if they haven't lifted in another two weeks or whatever, that I will seek medical advice.
JS, I fear you are right that most people would advise me to just seek doctoring right from the get go. Heck, if I were rich, I'd probably have done that anyway. The question is, I guess, if I got a completely clean bill of health from a doc, would that make me instantly less anxious? Or would I be left right where I am now?
Tonight, I will take 20mg of Celexa once again. Once again, I can guarantee it will make me FEEL like my eyes are somewhat itchy and my throat is scratchy. Once again, I will resist the urge to take a Benadryl and try to push through, and once again, after a night of spotty sleep where I likely wake up and think I can't swallow thirteen times, I will wake up only somewhat rested and try to get at it again.
And so it goes.
I want to thank all who have responded so far and anyone else who wants to chime in, please do.
This site provides an invaluable resource - namely, community and listening ears. That, perhaps more than anything else, is something I have had a hard time leaning on my family and friends for. I feel like they are sick of me talking about this and for $120 an hour, my therapist just can't be an everyday expenditure... :)
Anyway, you can tell from the rambling once again that I am a writer and I don't know how to shut up. Interestingly, I just noticed that my inability to find the right word(s) and express myself correctly seems to be much less evident when I am writing. I wonder if that would turn my concern about neurological brain fog on its head? Curious.
Ahh, damn... I am a 27 year old who should be out living and loving and laughing. Soon, I will be back there, I pray.
If everyone who reads your question about tests takes the same attitude as their doctors, they are all going to fall on the side of tests, I think. To say nothing of malpractice concerns. And it is easy, maybe too damn easy, to suggest the tests for someone ELSE.
Let me throw this at you. For the moment, lets forget the electrodes, scans, tests, yadda yadda. Consider a reorientation of your inquiry. Get a consult with a psychiatrist whose practice specializes in or embraces your "syndrome," whatever the devil it is. This is a consult -not treatment- to lay out to an actual qualified expert the same material you've laid out to folks here. It seems, at this moment, to be a missing "datapoint." The recommendation of that consult may in fact be a battery of tests, but at least the basis for them should be more than a wild goose chase, and the results, whether indicative or not, will be in the hands of the individual most qualified to evaluate them -rather than someone who would only refer you.
Give it some thought.
Let me throw this at you. For the moment, lets forget the electrodes, scans, tests, yadda yadda. Consider a reorientation of your inquiry. Get a consult with a psychiatrist whose practice specializes in or embraces your "syndrome," whatever the devil it is. This is a consult -not treatment- to lay out to an actual qualified expert the same material you've laid out to folks here. It seems, at this moment, to be a missing "datapoint." The recommendation of that consult may in fact be a battery of tests, but at least the basis for them should be more than a wild goose chase, and the results, whether indicative or not, will be in the hands of the individual most qualified to evaluate them -rather than someone who would only refer you.
Give it some thought.
i concur that anxiety is the lesser of two evils, but all this time i have often found myself saying, "you know, i'd rather have the terrible diseases i'm worrying about and be myself than not have them and be like this."
that isn't to say i would wish MS on myself (or anyone, for that matter) but there is some sort of freedom in having your wits about you. i'm just not completely me and i haven't been in weeks.
even if i had the resources, though, i'm not sure it would make sense to go to a doc and say all the things i feel. i bet i'd end up getting all sorts of CT/MRI/etc done and at the end they'd leave me with hope in one sense, but also even more confused.
the two things that really get me are the nerve/muscle pain - like my nerves themselves are aching. and also the vision stuff.
it's as if all my senses are turned up to eleven at times... even talking on the phone just now, i have to hold it away from my head because it seems extra loud. eating cereal was the same way - the spoon in the bowl was just very loud to me. i startle so easily as well.
well, anyway. as the obviously wise JSGeare has observed, anxiety can have many deep roots and far-reaching symptomatic branches. while i am not thrilled with the prospect that this is all, in fact, "in my head," i prefer it to the alternative.
if there is anyone out there who thinks i am making a mistake not going for thorough testing, i'm curious to hear what you think.
that isn't to say i would wish MS on myself (or anyone, for that matter) but there is some sort of freedom in having your wits about you. i'm just not completely me and i haven't been in weeks.
even if i had the resources, though, i'm not sure it would make sense to go to a doc and say all the things i feel. i bet i'd end up getting all sorts of CT/MRI/etc done and at the end they'd leave me with hope in one sense, but also even more confused.
the two things that really get me are the nerve/muscle pain - like my nerves themselves are aching. and also the vision stuff.
it's as if all my senses are turned up to eleven at times... even talking on the phone just now, i have to hold it away from my head because it seems extra loud. eating cereal was the same way - the spoon in the bowl was just very loud to me. i startle so easily as well.
well, anyway. as the obviously wise JSGeare has observed, anxiety can have many deep roots and far-reaching symptomatic branches. while i am not thrilled with the prospect that this is all, in fact, "in my head," i prefer it to the alternative.
if there is anyone out there who thinks i am making a mistake not going for thorough testing, i'm curious to hear what you think.
yah...went through those steps...ct scans, ecg's, blood pressure monitors, etc etc.
anxiety it is...less of the evils i guess...
anxiety it is...less of the evils i guess...
I'm really very grateful for your studied and thorough response; you took what I said seriously, you understood it and you do actually identify with it. All of this was spawned by my concern with the "just anxiety" phrasing, so I have campaigned for the anxiety as a sort of messenger in addition to being a condition unto itself.
As luck would have it, one of the early proponents of EMDR, Ruth Dailey Grainger, (you can google her) was a friend of mine and I worked on some of her leaflets and similar publications. She in fact put me through the EMDR process, and the theoretical basis for it seemed plausible to me. This was during my panic years, and I had also started seeing a psychiatrist. Hopefully, you are getting some talk therapy along with the eye work. Your description of your dad, by the way, very closely matches mine.
I don't know that some bad dope will fry the CNS -and I don't know that it won't, either- but I assume there is some way to test for changes there that point to the drug as a possible culprit. It is easier for me understand that the dope may prompt a sort of uncontrolled release of thoughts and emotions with a corollary change in your nervous system and chemistry and that you experience a sort of protective shut down due to the overload. And so, "all of this" as you put it, may be companions or expressions of the anxiety.
In any case, you are in touch with that background data and considering the impact of it will no doubt prove useful. I also think that if you can find a local group of fellow travelers who are walking the same walk, you will be of great help to one another. Health Departments are a good place to start a search for them.
I hope you will keep us up to date on your findings and progess. It is hard to imagine anyone better than you to work this through. Thanks very much for such complete and thoughtful correspondence.
As luck would have it, one of the early proponents of EMDR, Ruth Dailey Grainger, (you can google her) was a friend of mine and I worked on some of her leaflets and similar publications. She in fact put me through the EMDR process, and the theoretical basis for it seemed plausible to me. This was during my panic years, and I had also started seeing a psychiatrist. Hopefully, you are getting some talk therapy along with the eye work. Your description of your dad, by the way, very closely matches mine.
I don't know that some bad dope will fry the CNS -and I don't know that it won't, either- but I assume there is some way to test for changes there that point to the drug as a possible culprit. It is easier for me understand that the dope may prompt a sort of uncontrolled release of thoughts and emotions with a corollary change in your nervous system and chemistry and that you experience a sort of protective shut down due to the overload. And so, "all of this" as you put it, may be companions or expressions of the anxiety.
In any case, you are in touch with that background data and considering the impact of it will no doubt prove useful. I also think that if you can find a local group of fellow travelers who are walking the same walk, you will be of great help to one another. Health Departments are a good place to start a search for them.
I hope you will keep us up to date on your findings and progess. It is hard to imagine anyone better than you to work this through. Thanks very much for such complete and thoughtful correspondence.
Worried - I am curious if you ended up having any neuro. workup to rule out other things?
JSG - Thanks for the response. I have done a lot of work with my therapist (EMDR, especially) around my father, his own anxiety and how that affected me as a young child. Last spring we had a number of breakthroughs and I would recommend EMDR to anyone.
One way that my father's anxiety (which mostly manifests as impatience) has always made my own struggle difficult is the way that he responds to my anxiety. I think he means well, but I can't stand when you are anxious and someone basically gives you the "snap out of it" response. Even if it comes in a seemingly loving way, the underlying tone is, "you could change this if you want to and the fact that you won't upsets me."
So, is there "background material" there in my case? You bet. My father is a very creative, wonderful person who I have to thank for many of my best qualities as a creative person myself. But he is also quite anxious and hasn't even begun to deal with his own sack of rocks, in that sense.
What troubles me with all of this is how different it seems than any anxiety I was used to. I have had a lot of trouble in the past with anxiety - once, in particular, when I was traveling to the UK on a study abroad, I ended up so anxious and depressed that I started imagining ways to kill myself. Needless to say, this was the worse I had experienced and it scared the hell out of me.
Now, years later, I felt like someone who was on top of his anxiety. Someone who understood it and gave it a healthy amount of attention, when necessary. I was two years free from medication and proud to be (not that I wouldn't recommend it to anyone who needs it). I was coming off perhaps the best six month stretch of my life and then - bam! This whole thing just appeared out of nowhere.
I have heard it said that often, the mid-late twenties are a time when people - especially if they are single - start to do a lot of soul searching. My grandmother recalls a period from her life at this stage where she claims "God slowed me down" - other friends have said that they feel "the universe puts us through trials to make us more wholly ourselves.
All I know is that if anxiety/panic could be causing all of this then I will be even more amazed at how powerful the brain is. I just want my mind and my soul back. I am a funny, quick-witted, sharp, loving person. The last six weeks I've barely been able to smile and it's not traditional depression this time. It's like I just feel so slow that I can't even track. Looking at a page of written words or listening to someone talk, I have a hard time following anything. The same when I go to say something - it's hard to get one thought assembled, whereas normally I choose between five or six ways to say things.
I am wondering if I may have just fried my entire CNS - jacked up my whole being.
The tricky thing is, after two weeks on Celexa, as I said, I can feel a bit of my laughter and personality coming back. But I still feel slow. Very slow. And I still feel waves of the physical symptoms.
JSG - Thanks for the response. I have done a lot of work with my therapist (EMDR, especially) around my father, his own anxiety and how that affected me as a young child. Last spring we had a number of breakthroughs and I would recommend EMDR to anyone.
One way that my father's anxiety (which mostly manifests as impatience) has always made my own struggle difficult is the way that he responds to my anxiety. I think he means well, but I can't stand when you are anxious and someone basically gives you the "snap out of it" response. Even if it comes in a seemingly loving way, the underlying tone is, "you could change this if you want to and the fact that you won't upsets me."
So, is there "background material" there in my case? You bet. My father is a very creative, wonderful person who I have to thank for many of my best qualities as a creative person myself. But he is also quite anxious and hasn't even begun to deal with his own sack of rocks, in that sense.
What troubles me with all of this is how different it seems than any anxiety I was used to. I have had a lot of trouble in the past with anxiety - once, in particular, when I was traveling to the UK on a study abroad, I ended up so anxious and depressed that I started imagining ways to kill myself. Needless to say, this was the worse I had experienced and it scared the hell out of me.
Now, years later, I felt like someone who was on top of his anxiety. Someone who understood it and gave it a healthy amount of attention, when necessary. I was two years free from medication and proud to be (not that I wouldn't recommend it to anyone who needs it). I was coming off perhaps the best six month stretch of my life and then - bam! This whole thing just appeared out of nowhere.
I have heard it said that often, the mid-late twenties are a time when people - especially if they are single - start to do a lot of soul searching. My grandmother recalls a period from her life at this stage where she claims "God slowed me down" - other friends have said that they feel "the universe puts us through trials to make us more wholly ourselves.
All I know is that if anxiety/panic could be causing all of this then I will be even more amazed at how powerful the brain is. I just want my mind and my soul back. I am a funny, quick-witted, sharp, loving person. The last six weeks I've barely been able to smile and it's not traditional depression this time. It's like I just feel so slow that I can't even track. Looking at a page of written words or listening to someone talk, I have a hard time following anything. The same when I go to say something - it's hard to get one thought assembled, whereas normally I choose between five or six ways to say things.
I am wondering if I may have just fried my entire CNS - jacked up my whole being.
The tricky thing is, after two weeks on Celexa, as I said, I can feel a bit of my laughter and personality coming back. But I still feel slow. Very slow. And I still feel waves of the physical symptoms.
yah...pretty much everything you stated above...i have gone through...its not a nice time.
When I refer to "background" material, I'm talking about emotional and psychological situations over the years -especially from childhood- that had a strong impact on how you perceive yourself, others and the world at large. I'll give you an example from my own experience. When my father became exasperated with me, he would say, "What's the matter with you?" and look at me like I was some creature that had crawled out from under a rock. Depending on when and how often something like that happens, the recipient child (me in this case) may have a tendency to operate as though something IS the matter with himself. As kids, we don't have a vast context and history of interactions and experiences against which to evaluate what happens to us or is said to us -and therefore, the behavior of our elders looms very large -adults are psychologically BIG entities to children.
Now, I don't pretend for a moment that a few unkind remarks from anyone's parent sets an immutable path for all subsequent experience and a resulting self-concept. However, the early experiences -because they are "big," tend to have substantial impact on the immediate subsequent experiences and perceptions -and the ones after that -and after that ... to the present day. The nutshell is that emotional prime movers may have deep roots in past experience -and because they don't present themselves in our conscious awareness -I think of them as part of the background, blended into our self-concept and world view. I'll compare it to a symphonic performance in which certain instruments, if missing from the orchestra, may not be noticed directly -even though the perception of the performance is different than one in which all instruments contributed.
Now what I have just tried to describe happens for (or to) everyone, but for a variety of reasons, there are various reactions and adaptations which depend in great part on the individual's make-up and inherited attributes and environmental factors such as size of family, kind of schooling, degree of wealth or privilege, peer groups -and on and on.
Typically, or at least often, in early to mid adulthood, "strange" symptoms appear in panic and anxiety people, for "no reason." You will find, I think, that most panic people are in a fairly compressed age group (late teens to late 40's, at the fringes with a higher concentration near the middle -a bell shaped curve, of course). Why then? Why not sooner?
My guess -and it is just a guess- is that for many, years of growing up, schooling and early family and career activity form both a focus for attention and energy, and a sort of camoflague over anxiety related symptoms that parade as bad relationships at work, institutions that can't be trusted and other such impedimentia for which there is ample agreement and support among trusted colleages, spouse and others.
Eventually, however, we emerge from the downstream tumult of those years into calmer waters, emotionally, in which routines and habit become more present in our daily lives. Or otherwise, we may face a special challenge that for whatever reason causes us to look at and think deeply about the direction of our lives. Or both. It is then, I'm guessing, that all that background material may exert a greater pressure on us psychologically, simply because there are fewer demands here and now to divert us. These are also the years when we inevitably compare where we are with where we thought we would be, where we thought we should be, where we really wanted to be, and worst of all, with where we thought OTHERS (including those psychologically BIG people) expected or wanted us to be.
It seems likely, to me, that many of us do a great deal of emotional "catching up" in these years; the unfinished business of our younger years may now lie before us: we have a room to clean up. It is not hard to imagine why this could be so. After all, we live in a society which is rushed in many ways, many individuals are moved into psychological space which they are not ready to occupy. An entire book could be written about this -and they have been written, in fact.
I'm not suggesting to you that any of your symptoms are the end result of some snide remark from your daddy; but what I am trying to say is that if there is no apparent and immediate cause of your discomfort, you may profit from looking at why you are the way you are, as an emotional being. Certainly, the dope could have been some kind of trigger that not only carries a bad experience of its own, but in some ways changes the way you perceive what's going on around you. My suggestion is, that to lay it ALL at any doorstep is probably an inaccurate assessment -and that some thought for the surrounding neighborhood may also prove fruitful.
I hope this helps explain my point of view.
Now, I don't pretend for a moment that a few unkind remarks from anyone's parent sets an immutable path for all subsequent experience and a resulting self-concept. However, the early experiences -because they are "big," tend to have substantial impact on the immediate subsequent experiences and perceptions -and the ones after that -and after that ... to the present day. The nutshell is that emotional prime movers may have deep roots in past experience -and because they don't present themselves in our conscious awareness -I think of them as part of the background, blended into our self-concept and world view. I'll compare it to a symphonic performance in which certain instruments, if missing from the orchestra, may not be noticed directly -even though the perception of the performance is different than one in which all instruments contributed.
Now what I have just tried to describe happens for (or to) everyone, but for a variety of reasons, there are various reactions and adaptations which depend in great part on the individual's make-up and inherited attributes and environmental factors such as size of family, kind of schooling, degree of wealth or privilege, peer groups -and on and on.
Typically, or at least often, in early to mid adulthood, "strange" symptoms appear in panic and anxiety people, for "no reason." You will find, I think, that most panic people are in a fairly compressed age group (late teens to late 40's, at the fringes with a higher concentration near the middle -a bell shaped curve, of course). Why then? Why not sooner?
My guess -and it is just a guess- is that for many, years of growing up, schooling and early family and career activity form both a focus for attention and energy, and a sort of camoflague over anxiety related symptoms that parade as bad relationships at work, institutions that can't be trusted and other such impedimentia for which there is ample agreement and support among trusted colleages, spouse and others.
Eventually, however, we emerge from the downstream tumult of those years into calmer waters, emotionally, in which routines and habit become more present in our daily lives. Or otherwise, we may face a special challenge that for whatever reason causes us to look at and think deeply about the direction of our lives. Or both. It is then, I'm guessing, that all that background material may exert a greater pressure on us psychologically, simply because there are fewer demands here and now to divert us. These are also the years when we inevitably compare where we are with where we thought we would be, where we thought we should be, where we really wanted to be, and worst of all, with where we thought OTHERS (including those psychologically BIG people) expected or wanted us to be.
It seems likely, to me, that many of us do a great deal of emotional "catching up" in these years; the unfinished business of our younger years may now lie before us: we have a room to clean up. It is not hard to imagine why this could be so. After all, we live in a society which is rushed in many ways, many individuals are moved into psychological space which they are not ready to occupy. An entire book could be written about this -and they have been written, in fact.
I'm not suggesting to you that any of your symptoms are the end result of some snide remark from your daddy; but what I am trying to say is that if there is no apparent and immediate cause of your discomfort, you may profit from looking at why you are the way you are, as an emotional being. Certainly, the dope could have been some kind of trigger that not only carries a bad experience of its own, but in some ways changes the way you perceive what's going on around you. My suggestion is, that to lay it ALL at any doorstep is probably an inaccurate assessment -and that some thought for the surrounding neighborhood may also prove fruitful.
I hope this helps explain my point of view.
so you have experienced all of the physical symptoms - even the vision stuff - after using weed? it's been six weeks since that night. it's like i am in a constant fog and it's almost more annoying than the physical stuff. that said, my legs just ache right now. in an hour, they could be fine, in another hour, they could ache again, or not again for a week.
i am on celexa (20mg) and it has certainly helped my mood. i fear that, without a complete medical diagnosis, i will continue to be stuck.
i am sorry you are also dealing with this. it's rough. i haven't slept straight through a night in six weeks.
i am on celexa (20mg) and it has certainly helped my mood. i fear that, without a complete medical diagnosis, i will continue to be stuck.
i am sorry you are also dealing with this. it's rough. i haven't slept straight through a night in six weeks.
ithis is kalmkidd under my g/fs name/ i have to start off by agreeeing with JSGEARE which i always. do and honest to godi have THE EXACT same type of anxiety u have wth the EXACT same symptoms/wedd issue EVERYTHING. fortanitly i have a good doctor who pu me on effexor 75mg a day which is the lowest dose and it helps alot withvirtually no side effects or withdraws if i ever forget to take it or anything like that.. def look into it hope this help reassure u.. good luck.
Thanks for the responses.
Worried - I'm curious what you mean when you say you've been going through the exact same stuff? There's no way that all of what I mention mirrors someone else's struggle (at least, for your sake, I hope there isn't). Did you honestly have issues with vision, nerves and all?
JSGeare - I am wondering what you are wondering about my situation? You talk about background material and whatnot. What do you mean by that? If there's more information from me that would be helpful, I would love to share it, just ask specifics. Or perhaps you meant health background? As I said, I had felt a little of the nerve pain, etc earlier in the fall, but never before smoking weed. The first time I smoked, I remember the next day I was rather anxious (perhaps not out of the ordinary). The mistake I think I made was going back to it, knowing full well that I was an anxiety sufferer in the past.
An update from today - I woke up rather allergic again - sinuses. I have the sort of sinus congestion that doesn't produce much of anything when I blow my nose... it's just some sort of annoying blockage way up there. When I was in the ER after the fainting spell, I mentioned the sinus pressure and ears popping a lot. Doc looked in my ears, said they looked good, and reiterated that WBC wasn't elevated enough for him to want to give me anything. I am curious how much sinus congestion, in addition to anxiety/panic, could be contributing. I have read about marijuana that is contaminated with fungus causing fungal sinusitis. I also read an article or two about sinus problems actually mimicking chronic fatigue syndrome.
I still feel awfully slow... it's hard to concentrate or read, hard to focus. Today I taught a drum lesson and couldn't think even one step ahead. Vision remains the same...
At times, it feels like there is some sort of pressure at the center of my forehead, between my eyes. Almost like someone is pushing on my head. This might suggest sinus, again. I also should mention that I had some Reiki (sp?) done by a friend of mine. It was a trip - you can actually feel the heat from her hands... I was skeptical. Anyway, in the Reiki session she said she felt a lot of energy in two anxiety indicating zones, as well as a lot of energy around my sinuses. Who knows, because I also told all of my symptoms to her.
Anyway, after two weeks on Celexa (which, by the way, I keep thinking is making my eyes and throat itchy every night, even though I took it two years ago just fine) spirits are on the rise, I am actually laughing and smiling somewhat today. This makes me all the more eager to get back to full capacity - even if it means investigating possible medical causes.
Worried - I'm curious what you mean when you say you've been going through the exact same stuff? There's no way that all of what I mention mirrors someone else's struggle (at least, for your sake, I hope there isn't). Did you honestly have issues with vision, nerves and all?
JSGeare - I am wondering what you are wondering about my situation? You talk about background material and whatnot. What do you mean by that? If there's more information from me that would be helpful, I would love to share it, just ask specifics. Or perhaps you meant health background? As I said, I had felt a little of the nerve pain, etc earlier in the fall, but never before smoking weed. The first time I smoked, I remember the next day I was rather anxious (perhaps not out of the ordinary). The mistake I think I made was going back to it, knowing full well that I was an anxiety sufferer in the past.
An update from today - I woke up rather allergic again - sinuses. I have the sort of sinus congestion that doesn't produce much of anything when I blow my nose... it's just some sort of annoying blockage way up there. When I was in the ER after the fainting spell, I mentioned the sinus pressure and ears popping a lot. Doc looked in my ears, said they looked good, and reiterated that WBC wasn't elevated enough for him to want to give me anything. I am curious how much sinus congestion, in addition to anxiety/panic, could be contributing. I have read about marijuana that is contaminated with fungus causing fungal sinusitis. I also read an article or two about sinus problems actually mimicking chronic fatigue syndrome.
I still feel awfully slow... it's hard to concentrate or read, hard to focus. Today I taught a drum lesson and couldn't think even one step ahead. Vision remains the same...
At times, it feels like there is some sort of pressure at the center of my forehead, between my eyes. Almost like someone is pushing on my head. This might suggest sinus, again. I also should mention that I had some Reiki (sp?) done by a friend of mine. It was a trip - you can actually feel the heat from her hands... I was skeptical. Anyway, in the Reiki session she said she felt a lot of energy in two anxiety indicating zones, as well as a lot of energy around my sinuses. Who knows, because I also told all of my symptoms to her.
Anyway, after two weeks on Celexa (which, by the way, I keep thinking is making my eyes and throat itchy every night, even though I took it two years ago just fine) spirits are on the rise, I am actually laughing and smiling somewhat today. This makes me all the more eager to get back to full capacity - even if it means investigating possible medical causes.
The problem I'm having here, friends, is the idea of ONLY panic. I don't believe there is ONLY anything when it comes to what are senses and sensations tell us. If I feel hot or cold, there is a reason. Likewise, anger or love. The problem is that with anxiety/panic, the causes don't immediately present themselves. But, the fact that we don't know what the causes are doesn't mean that the panic/anxiety just manifested itself as sort of a random, independent, self-working event.
This does not mean that we should necessarily sign ourselves up for weeks and weeks of therapy, meds or anything else for that matter, either. It may be, in fact, that if we do something that treats of the symptoms primarily, the aggravating cause may pass or we otherwise learn to adapt to circumstances comfortably.
Is the cause dope? Hard to say. We can pretty well predict what happens if you drink poison, but weed has different effects on different people -and even the same people- at different times. Maybe it was just some bad you-know-what. Maybe not, and maybe it was a contributor. I would be suspicious of anyone who volunteered that it was the prime mover, and nothing else was involved.
The entire complex of your problems suggests that a number of factors are at work. Some, such as the Mary Jane, you can easily control to rule them out; others may be more difficult. And this is why it may be fruitful to do some detective work over past events and see if there are any suspects lurking about. Unquestionably, allergic reactions can contribute to an "emergency" sensation.
How I would love to say, "It's just anxiety, push through it." Indeed, how would we all love that idea. And you may, in fact, be able to do just that. But for now, make such adjustments as you can to account for environmental factors, and sort of pay attention to yourself a bit more - keep a watchful eye. I would guess that the next 3 or 4 weeks will tell us whether there is background material that really needs attention -or not. Believe me, I hope NOT.
Please keep us in the loop! Best wishes.
This does not mean that we should necessarily sign ourselves up for weeks and weeks of therapy, meds or anything else for that matter, either. It may be, in fact, that if we do something that treats of the symptoms primarily, the aggravating cause may pass or we otherwise learn to adapt to circumstances comfortably.
Is the cause dope? Hard to say. We can pretty well predict what happens if you drink poison, but weed has different effects on different people -and even the same people- at different times. Maybe it was just some bad you-know-what. Maybe not, and maybe it was a contributor. I would be suspicious of anyone who volunteered that it was the prime mover, and nothing else was involved.
The entire complex of your problems suggests that a number of factors are at work. Some, such as the Mary Jane, you can easily control to rule them out; others may be more difficult. And this is why it may be fruitful to do some detective work over past events and see if there are any suspects lurking about. Unquestionably, allergic reactions can contribute to an "emergency" sensation.
How I would love to say, "It's just anxiety, push through it." Indeed, how would we all love that idea. And you may, in fact, be able to do just that. But for now, make such adjustments as you can to account for environmental factors, and sort of pay attention to yourself a bit more - keep a watchful eye. I would guess that the next 3 or 4 weeks will tell us whether there is background material that really needs attention -or not. Believe me, I hope NOT.
Please keep us in the loop! Best wishes.
im going through these exact same symptoms...i have been diagnosed with panic disorder due to anxiety...i found regular exercise, breathing routines and stop smoking/drinking/weed helped me so much.
and once i knew it was ONLY anxiety causing these sypmtoms...it really calmed me down and relaxed my anxiety.
and once i knew it was ONLY anxiety causing these sypmtoms...it really calmed me down and relaxed my anxiety.
Thanks for the response.
I should have noted that I have been going to a therapist. We have done some EMDR over the years and will likely do some more next week. What I do not have is the ability to keep going as often as I would like, so that frustrates me, I guess.
Looking back, I certainly wrote a great deal. I apologize for that. Perhaps what I should have just asked is this:
Here's what I am feeling (laundry list) is it possible that anxiety/panic and marijuana abuse could cause all of these things? (for example, can an episode of acute stress change your vision)
Everyone I know says that it is terribly unlikely that my symptoms (incl the brain fog that is most distressing) are actually neurologically caused. MS, they say, is rare and the coincidence of the panic episode which seemed to cause all of this is almost too weird.
You asked me to detail my life circumstances a bit - I am a creative type person - writer and musician. This makes life a joy but also a stressful grind at times. I just spent the summer and fall playing a lot of jazz gigs and waiting tables. I loved it. As I said, I was running a lot, was very healthy and healthy in the mind.
When this stretch came to its seasonal end, I ended up back in a city without a whole lot of direction or answers about next steps - namely income, I suppose. While I was not overtly stressed out or anxious, I suppose this could have contributed subconsciously to the ramping up of my anxiety.
As you can see here, I am able to express myself fairly well still. It's just those moments where I feel unable to think - to come up with a word or track with a conversation - that are distressing to me as someone who usually has NO trouble doing either.
I also neglected to mention that I have some pretty bad allergies to the place I live here in the city. I have been back one night and I woke up with my entire left sinus plugged. Also, I often get a recurrent twitch in my eyelid on that side, but that's likely stress, I have been told.
Essentially, if someone could assure me (I know it's not possible, but bear with the example) that what I am feeling is anxiety/panic and nothing worse that I am ignoring, then I'd be able to push through it - perhaps begrudgingly, but I would feel hope.
The vision loss is the only thing that scares me, because it is tangible. I don't want to rush off to an eye doc just yet because if it's an anxiety/stress-caused thing, it may leave as quickly as it came, I feel. It also isn't in keeping with the type of vision loss people report with MS or other neurological disorders. That seems to be more of a complete and sudden loss of vision, usually in one eye.
Anyway, I'm rambling again. I appreciate the help.
I should have noted that I have been going to a therapist. We have done some EMDR over the years and will likely do some more next week. What I do not have is the ability to keep going as often as I would like, so that frustrates me, I guess.
Looking back, I certainly wrote a great deal. I apologize for that. Perhaps what I should have just asked is this:
Here's what I am feeling (laundry list) is it possible that anxiety/panic and marijuana abuse could cause all of these things? (for example, can an episode of acute stress change your vision)
Everyone I know says that it is terribly unlikely that my symptoms (incl the brain fog that is most distressing) are actually neurologically caused. MS, they say, is rare and the coincidence of the panic episode which seemed to cause all of this is almost too weird.
You asked me to detail my life circumstances a bit - I am a creative type person - writer and musician. This makes life a joy but also a stressful grind at times. I just spent the summer and fall playing a lot of jazz gigs and waiting tables. I loved it. As I said, I was running a lot, was very healthy and healthy in the mind.
When this stretch came to its seasonal end, I ended up back in a city without a whole lot of direction or answers about next steps - namely income, I suppose. While I was not overtly stressed out or anxious, I suppose this could have contributed subconsciously to the ramping up of my anxiety.
As you can see here, I am able to express myself fairly well still. It's just those moments where I feel unable to think - to come up with a word or track with a conversation - that are distressing to me as someone who usually has NO trouble doing either.
I also neglected to mention that I have some pretty bad allergies to the place I live here in the city. I have been back one night and I woke up with my entire left sinus plugged. Also, I often get a recurrent twitch in my eyelid on that side, but that's likely stress, I have been told.
Essentially, if someone could assure me (I know it's not possible, but bear with the example) that what I am feeling is anxiety/panic and nothing worse that I am ignoring, then I'd be able to push through it - perhaps begrudgingly, but I would feel hope.
The vision loss is the only thing that scares me, because it is tangible. I don't want to rush off to an eye doc just yet because if it's an anxiety/stress-caused thing, it may leave as quickly as it came, I feel. It also isn't in keeping with the type of vision loss people report with MS or other neurological disorders. That seems to be more of a complete and sudden loss of vision, usually in one eye.
Anyway, I'm rambling again. I appreciate the help.
Sorry it has taken so long to give you a response, and welcome to the forum. You've said so much it is hard to know where to start, which probably accounts for the lack of responses. I'll try to keep this short.
If you lack the resources to seek diagnosis and appropriate treatment, then everything we do from this point forward is just an interesting conversation, and all anyone here or anywhere can do is offer support and sympathy. Maybe some green tea -but there's another post on here from a guy who went bananas after drinking too much of it. There is the possibility you may try other herbal, natural things and who knows what the impact of that may be. At the least, a visit to the health department to discuss your care options is a starting place.
You know doubt read, an then re-read what you wrote. And thus, we can probably, under some doctrine of proximate cause, regard the dope as a significant contributor to your discomfort. And my guess is that there were and are circumstances sort of below the surface emotionally which got kicked up by the move, the loss of a friend's mother, the dope and other occurrences. I don't know this for a fact, but, judging from your lack of insurance and your very literate and lucid writing, you are either unemployed or under-employed, and THAT certainly puts the pressure on.
While you have written a good narrative of your recent activity, sensations and thoughts, I'm not able to discern an emotional context or background for you at age 27. I'm not saying you spill all that here -but I am saying that it matters. If you can't afford a therapist from the medical system directly, make every effort to find someone who can fill that role -perhaps a minister, a hotline referral or, again, the mental health section of your health department.
MS, I suppose, is a possibility; why not copy and paste your question here to that forum? There are some excellent folks on the MS side of the house, so to speak. Heather3418 (or something like that) seems to be particularly savvy. Give her a shout when you get there.
And, by the way, all the forums are going through various upgrades and changes in format. Sometimes things don't work right. Just please bear with it.
The final portion of your post refers to the fateful marijuana use. Of course, you can't unsmoke it. On the other hand, whatever was kicked up by it was there in the first place to be kicked up. And so, in the final analysis, it may be well for you that this has happened now. Get it handled -and move on.
Please stay in touch -we're in your corner.
If you lack the resources to seek diagnosis and appropriate treatment, then everything we do from this point forward is just an interesting conversation, and all anyone here or anywhere can do is offer support and sympathy. Maybe some green tea -but there's another post on here from a guy who went bananas after drinking too much of it. There is the possibility you may try other herbal, natural things and who knows what the impact of that may be. At the least, a visit to the health department to discuss your care options is a starting place.
You know doubt read, an then re-read what you wrote. And thus, we can probably, under some doctrine of proximate cause, regard the dope as a significant contributor to your discomfort. And my guess is that there were and are circumstances sort of below the surface emotionally which got kicked up by the move, the loss of a friend's mother, the dope and other occurrences. I don't know this for a fact, but, judging from your lack of insurance and your very literate and lucid writing, you are either unemployed or under-employed, and THAT certainly puts the pressure on.
While you have written a good narrative of your recent activity, sensations and thoughts, I'm not able to discern an emotional context or background for you at age 27. I'm not saying you spill all that here -but I am saying that it matters. If you can't afford a therapist from the medical system directly, make every effort to find someone who can fill that role -perhaps a minister, a hotline referral or, again, the mental health section of your health department.
MS, I suppose, is a possibility; why not copy and paste your question here to that forum? There are some excellent folks on the MS side of the house, so to speak. Heather3418 (or something like that) seems to be particularly savvy. Give her a shout when you get there.
And, by the way, all the forums are going through various upgrades and changes in format. Sometimes things don't work right. Just please bear with it.
The final portion of your post refers to the fateful marijuana use. Of course, you can't unsmoke it. On the other hand, whatever was kicked up by it was there in the first place to be kicked up. And so, in the final analysis, it may be well for you that this has happened now. Get it handled -and move on.
Please stay in touch -we're in your corner.
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