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My adult son hates me!
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This patient support community is for discussions relating to generalized anxiety, anxiety and eating, anxiety and sleeping, mood swings, panic attacks and panic disorders.

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Avatar_f_tn
Hi Mary Lou .. So sorry that you are enduring this mess with your son. I have recently told my 25 yr old son to leave. He has...in part . Yes he is depressed, jobless, and seemingly rudderless. He is facing small claims court for a balance on a repossessed vehicle 4800.00. Owes 699.00 for repairs on another vehicle and is being taken to court for that as well. He blames ME for most of the ills that have befallen him. Particularly the $ woes. Yes.  I referred him to both of the entities concerning the cars. He had job(s) and was either laid off, quit or fired from them. Since the  it has been stop and go. Mostly stop. He recently enrolled in a local comm college and plans to attend, but in the meantime he is/has been collecting unemployment benefits @ 244.00/week. He finally started paying me $50/week about 6 weeks ago. He did not pay up last week and offered no explanation until I asked. He had to pay extra $ that he owed to his friend for a used car he'd purchased from him.  Bottom line with him is that he has no intention of taking just any job.. something that I have encouraged him to do very strongly. He is depressed, did make an effort to reach out for referrals for so e counseling but stopped there stating that all any if these peoe would do would be to throw pills at him. Mind you...this boy has been known to like his pot smoking. Although of late he qui smoking cigarettes completely and I had not smelled  evidence of pot lately either. He is very angry and goes off like a rocket at me at the slightest turn. For example, Inhave begun working out of home and that has put a crimp in his life. Anyway, me working. It one, but two jobs to meet our expenses while he goes off to "hang out with..." Or he watches tv all night or cartoons during the day. It came to a head today's ago. I asked what he had been doing in terms of job search or writing a letter to the court explaining his current jobless situation in an effort to perhaps have the amount owed reduced. He went off like the rocket telling me to shut the fu.. Up and that I was so f...stupid. The blatant disrespect, constant blaming toward me and/ or the world at large/ the **** poor state of economy that "my generation has ruined for his" finally hit home. This litany of insults and clear unwillingness to take responsibility for his own life out of his overwhelming sense of fear of failing or that he is too good to waste his time on menial jobs just got to me BIG TIME. I told him to clear out and that he was no longer welcome in this home. "So great, Ma! Are you going to have me sleeping in my car? You ate ruining my life just when I am starting to pull it together"!    Well, he has been at this juncture before and what usually and has happened is that he meets a girl and gets swept up in her life. He loses himself and whatever sense of direction he may have been approaching. Lately it is obvious that he awoke after the most recent break up with a girl to the fact that here was...25 yrs old, life had moved on but he didn't. Great awakenings? Absolutely! The. He wanted to fix it all in one fell swoop. Applied to local college, obtained referrals for counseling. But to get a job . Nope. He would plan to collect to the end his unemploy bennies and the. What? Fall back on good ' mom? Not with his attitude of entitlement and disdain towards me. I chose to live with it no longer. I am not his or anyone else's mule or vending machine.  He has an older bro who is on his own some years now and in successful recovery for drug use. He has held a job, bought cars, has own place in Fla. my son that lives/lived with me kept saying that maybe he, too, would succeed if he got into some heavy drugs. I sincerely do not believe this you g man will do that, but I do not see him as being especially equipt in terms of coping mechanisms. How will he develop them unless he has to? Li inv with me was enabling him and disabling opportunities for growth all the while I was being sapped of energies due to living with such an angry person! AND working two jobs to support such an environment? Nope. C.S. Lewis is right:  "the door to hell is locked on the inside"
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Avatar_m_tn
i am a 46 year old mother of two. 25 year old son and a 16 year old daughter. been in love twice so they have different fathers. my 25 year old father is currently locked up for murdering his grandmother and a boarder who lived in the house. he just lost it one day. served in the army worked for the school district so this guy was well educated. my son was 4 years old when it happened. my son was such a sweet loving kid. he made me happy and smile. but when he became a teenager, there was a lot of issues from school to drugs to the wrong crowd.he dropped out in the 11 grade. we lived with my mother so she always stepped in. but there was no one to step in when she was raising us alone and she did a great job and i am the oldest of 3. I moved out when my daughter was born but didn't move far. when my mother has taken ill and i moved back home after only being gone for a year and a half. oh i didnt go far, i lived across the street. my sister got married and my brother moved out so i did not want my mother living alone.. she recently passed away at the age of 69 on feb 1, 2013. the day she died she told my son that i did not do anything for her and i left her home alone.I worked and took her to all her doctor's appts. the worst thing is my son being in the same state of mind as his grandmother believed her.(she stop taking her medication and he was using drugs). to make this short, my son lives with his girlfriend and when i tried to reach out to him, he has called me all kinds of names. said he do not want to see me.this has not been the first time. now to step back, i lost two babies before him so he is my miracle child from the same man.i gave up my life for both my children to focus on their needs and wants so the only fun times were with my sister, extended sisters and friends.my son is an adult and i must move on as he wants me to. but when his dentist bill comes in the mail for those two front teeth that he cracked from falling off a bike last year..with all power in me, i want to knock them out but i am not that person.i cry but i must move on and take care of my daughter who is doing great in school. but one fear that i have is "do history repeats itself?" i find myself thinking that my son is going to physically harm me and or my daughter. its a feeling i can not shake.
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Avatar_m_tn
The behaviors of most kids in these letters sounds exactly like what people/kids act like when they have drug and alcohol problems. FYI, it is not easy to tell when people are taking many drugs -- heroin, methamphetamine, etc. -- and most of us don't even want to go there in thought but it is a very real predicament and more young people than you would ever imagine are caught up in this lifestyle. I am losing my daughter to it. What a sad thing it is.
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Avatar_m_tn
Thank you for this forum.  I've just come across it but it's  helped me already.  My oler son is 27. He's never been easy but he is being particularly foul at the moment.  He shouts at me on the phone and has written me furiously angry emails.  I honestly did not do anything to provoke this recent rage.

I have always been very close to this son.  When we are getting on we can talk and be in accord in a way which is quite unique.  I think that's what's making this so painful.  It is also frightening because I myself had rows and eventually cut myself off from my mother.  I believed she was a very destructive part of my life as she openly showed that she thought little of me and found me an embarrassment.  She was cold and never made physical contact with me after I was about 7.  Mine was a dysfunctional family with endless screaming and shouting and hatred between my brother, father and myself.  It was also violent.  My brother had a mental breakdown when he was 11 and was out of school for a year.  I was depressed and had all the eating disorders.  

My overriding aim with my own children was to make their upbringing as different as possible.  I have a wonderful husband who couldn't have been a better father.  I'm affectionate and always positive with my sons and have never shown favouritism (I don't have a favourite).

It now seems that despite my life plan, my own son is showing the same behaviours towards me as I did to my mother.  I would not be at all surprised if he cut himself off from us over the next year or or so.  Last Christmas he said he hated being at home and didn't want to come home this year.  I think this May be what's behind the recent anger.  How I dread Christmas and always have.  It brings up all the pain.

My thought is that perhaps.some of this behaviour could actually be in the genes.  My son is like my mother in that he is physically cold and has trouble getting on with people.  Worst of all, he may end up like me and become estranged from his mother.  I hate to think this.  It's so fatalistic.

Thank you for the advice to create space from him and get on with my own life. It's hard. I also think our children, perhaps the ones who are most like us, blame us when they are unhappy.  We perhaps act like a mirror and reflect back to them all the things they don't like about themselves, just because we're so alike, there's nothing conscious.  I don't know.  I just feel sad.

Another thought was that there seems to be a common theme in these posts.  We all seem to give so much to our children.  A couple of months ago I told my son I would give him a large sum of money to help him with the deposit for his first house.  I'm now thinking that was very foolish.  He's certainly not grateful.  He's used this knowledge to stop saving as carefully and going on expensive holidays.

Thank you again.  It's helped a lot to know I'm not the only one going through this, and some of you are having an even worse time.  Best wishes to you.
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Avatar_m_tn
Thank you for this forum.  I've just come across it but it's  helped me already.  My oler son is 27. He's never been easy but he is being particularly foul at the moment.  He shouts at me on the phone and has written me furiously angry emails.  I honestly did not do anything to provoke this recent rage.

I have always been very close to this son.  When we are getting on we can talk and be in accord in a way which is quite unique.  I think that's what's making this so painful.  It is also frightening because I myself had rows and eventually cut myself off from my mother.  I believed she was a very destructive part of my life as she openly showed that she thought little of me and found me an embarrassment.  She was cold and never made physical contact with me after I was about 7.  Mine was a dysfunctional family with endless screaming and shouting and hatred between my brother, father and myself.  It was also violent.  My brother had a mental breakdown when he was 11 and was out of school for a year.  I was depressed and had all the eating disorders.  

My overriding aim with my own children was to make their upbringing as different as possible.  I have a wonderful husband who couldn't have been a better father.  I'm affectionate and always positive with my sons and have never shown favouritism (I don't have a favourite).

It now seems that despite my life plan, my own son is showing the same behaviours towards me as I did to my mother.  I would not be at all surprised if he cut himself off from us over the next year or or so.  Last Christmas he said he hated being at home and didn't want to come home this year.  I think this May be what's behind the recent anger.  How I dread Christmas and always have.  It brings up all the pain.

My thought is that perhaps.some of this behaviour could actually be in the genes.  My son is like my mother in that he is physically cold and has trouble getting on with people.  Worst of all, he may end up like me and become estranged from his mother.  I hate to think this.  It's so fatalistic.

Thank you for the advice to create space from him and get on with my own life. It's hard. I also think our children, perhaps the ones who are most like us, blame us when they are unhappy.  We perhaps act like a mirror and reflect back to them all the things they don't like about themselves, just because we're so alike, there's nothing conscious.  I don't know.  I just feel sad.

Another thought was that there seems to be a common theme in these posts.  We all seem to give so much to our children.  A couple of months ago I told my son I would give him a large sum of money to help him with the deposit for his first house.  I'm now thinking that was very foolish.  He's certainly not grateful.  He's used this knowledge to stop saving as carefully and going on expensive holidays.

Thank you again.  It's helped a lot to know I'm not the only one going through this, and some of you are having an even worse time.  Best wishes to you.
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1699033_tn?1405352675
Hi Suzy....this is a good post for the "Parenting young adults 18 - 26"  even though he is 27.  This is not a new forum but one that I don't think a lot of people know about.  
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Avatar_m_tn
My fiancée's son has just about torn my relationship apart.  It started off by him being rude, but I could handle that.  I am fortunate enough to own 3 businesses and I am an only child.  While my fiancée and I were planning our future together I said that someday in the near future I would like to change my will and leave everything to her grandchildren if we were to both die together.  I don't have any other family.  Boy did that cause a firestorm.  My son's wife, her parents invited us over for Fathers Day 2013 and the law was laid down.  We were told that the kids (my fiancée's son) and wife would never allow us to be around the kids outside of supervision.  Who knows? they commented, you could be a child molester or a pedophile.  They told my fiancée that they could do nothing about me coming to watch their sporting events, but we would never be able to have a life with her grandkids.  So... my fiancée wrote her son a letter stating that it was unfair, and completely unjustified which caused another firestorm.  The other grandparents along with their daughter verbally assaulted her in public.  The man (65 years of age) was so abusive my fiancée was afraid of being physically assaulted.  My fiancée was broken.  I called her son and asked him (do you realize how sick your mom is), she deserved to be treated with respect.  Then his verbal assault started against his Mother (my fiancée).   I told him this has got to stop and to tell his father in law this type of behavior was inappropriate and had better never happen again.  He fired back to me that he did not believe it happened and his mother was nothing but a no good trouble maker.  Unfortunately I had enough and I told him to tell his father in law that if it happened again that I would hit him so hard he would wake up laying on the ground wondering what happened.   He then calls his mother an tells her that I threated his family and that I had said " I would come and hunt them down and cut them into little pieces and throw their body parts in dumpsters"  MY GOD!   My fiancée and I have been arguing ever since.  She keeps insisting it's not her son's fault... it's the other grandparents or his wife.  I am so sick of their hate.  I don't know if I can continue this relationship even though we love each other so much.  His hatred is overwhelming and his lies and accusations are beyond belief or my acceptance.  
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Avatar_f_tn
This is a sad but helpful forum.
There are two patterns that I can see and I think I also faced: a kid who receives too much and feels always entitled AND ex-s or relatives who are melting in a very wrong and/or unethical way confusing the kid and such creating problems and grief.  Everything else likely needs a psychologist.

I have a son who doesn't seem to realize who did the heavy lifting and was always there when needed. I divorced when the son was 6 years old because his father was abusive and mother in low (sorry, law:) controlling and very melting. Ex refused to work on correcting anything hence I believed it was healthier to divorce. Got uncontested full custody. As I believed peace was more important for the kid, I left my ex almost all our common assets as to fight would have taken years. I was not going to trade kid's peace in a house for assets.  Turns out that it was a damn if you do, damn if you don't situation as after ex boasted to kid how he is rich because he is so smart and mom poor because she is so terrible etc, etc.... Forgetting who worked on all (no money from home, we worked on all)

I was educated, made a good income of my own work and started to invest again. Two years after the divorce I got an offer to work abroad. I took the kid with me and the new school system was better for the kid. Hence we stayed. It was very difficult for me juggling a new country, a new demanding full time professional job and being a single mom with no relative or friend around.

I was there for the kid as much I was able to and we had to both learn a new place. Most other moms where we lived were stay at home. My ex meantime took advantage f the situation by paying zero financial support (knowing full well that I had enough things to deal with and will make all more difficult for me - not withstanding that not only that I had full custody but he happily sign for the kid to leave). he was also telling the kid who happier he would be in any other circumstance than with mom.

That included how non successful mom was by not having a big mansion with swimming pool, tennis court etc.... (Very stupid, I know, but kids might believe in fairy tales..,,)

I was a no nonsense mom with very little time for anything else than work and kid. There was no drinking, smoking or a string of lovers. We always lived in places with best schools, hence expensive - where one might not think that a single immigrant mother will rent a house or a condo.
I had the constant melting of the ex via phone, Skype and in vacations - conditioning the kid to expect the moon, the star and a few galaxies as his own and blaming mom for not having them.
Was maybe my mistake of not doing my best to cut ex off. Maybe foolishly I decided that it is nonsense and to concentrate on education and a good living situation for the kid. With a scholarship due to kid's work and my financial support to close the gap, kid went to a private highschool and after to one of the best universities. Dad paid nothing, nada, nil and continued to misdirect the kid. I tried to speak to him but it was no way to bring him to see the best interest of the kid. He even pretended that I asked him to contribute to his son's expenses only to find a way to hang on him. Right - from 10,000 miles away, by asking to contribute to his son's college expenses directly to university and to stop raising irrational expectations!

Kid is already 24 but I still hear father's hateful comments repeated verbatim, with no support/examples or rational behind.

Mom is not good enough, not successful enough, is to be hated etc, etc....
I believe this is beyond being ungrateful and immature. So far I just did all my best for the kid regardless of situation and believed that no intelligent person when mature will be unable to see all that hateful speech of his father for what it was - just garbage.

At 24 and a graduate I expected son to activate his brain more outside academics and dealing in a civilized manner with strangers and business contacts.
But no, I still hear the same. When I ask kid to substantiate by examples his verbatim sentences from dad, I just get an other verbatim hurtful sentence.

Unfortunately I can't find this adult kid any more excuses. When I look back I know it was tough for both of us, but when one is given lemons, it has to prepare lemonade and this is what I did. The best I could in the given conditions and not winning the lottery.

Yes, I am guilty we didn't have the big mansion, a dog and a fancy car and parties. We only rented a condo where dogs were not allowed and the car was a regular simple one. Yes, the area was excellent and safe. I did not shower kid with thousands of USD per months during college, but he had all he needed and even if I had billions I would have still not thrown that kind of money at him as that was bad education.

Didn't give him a car at 16, but he did not need one, I had no money for a safe one, parking a second car was close to impossible where we lived and anyway getting the son a car at 16 I don't think is mom's duty but maybe father's if he feels like?
So, no, I don't feel guilty for a no fancy car at 16. Kid drove the family car. Not most convenient and macho way but hey, that's life. Told him that it is what it is for the given reason and yes, I know that hate is free but he will get over it as it is no biggie.  I tend not to be the wallflower hence he got the no nonsense speech from me and no oh, poor you, poor, poor baby.......

Anyway, looks that kid will forever keep mom in contempt and say hurtful things. He engaged in the same just very recently, right after I picked him on my medical insurance to save him money - at his very request.

And I am paying when he has a job. Did I get a thank you? Oh, no - mom is never good enough as she did not provide something elusive, only his father might know what that was.....   (While providing nothing than irrational expectations and lies)

I cannot anymore rationalize kid's behavior - except that he is maybe spoiled which is also unacceptable at 24 and when we lived with modest to medium means.

Yes, I am sorry it was though for both of us, but I did my best. Hence I only feel very sad as i am trying to find a way to balance myself in the situation this adult kid will never ever get it. Might need to cut him off and consider I never had a kid - which will make his father happy since his dirty ways finally worked. But I am going to say that this is yet an other proof that I had a case of a divorce-able guy, to start with. And ignore that thought. Any advice re?

Regardless how I slice it except not marrying his father way back I don't know how I could have made things better as I think it might have been worst if I did not divorce.  Not great for the kid regardless and i was always felt bad about, the best way from two bad choices.
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Avatar_f_tn
I love this. Thank you. You are so right! i am just listening in. My oldest son makes me wish I had spent alot more time in the wood shed with him.Everything bad in his life is my fault. I to was a single parent with two sons to raise.It breaks my heart but I cant do this any longer. I think the verbal abuse is much worse.I will let you know how it goes. My son is 40 now and lost his oldest child from his first marriage 2 years ago and he lived for that child. that too makes it that much harder for me.
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Avatar_n_tn
If it is any consolation,you are not alone.Abuse from adult sons toward their mothers is very common.They are the losers not you.I know it is heartbreaking and hard to understand but it's better to be without the abuse that they seem intent on piling upon you.I put up with it for many years because I didn't want them to stop talking to me until I started feeling like a whipped dog cowering before them.I ended up in hospital with a nervous breakdown and it still didn't stop,so I finally ,with advice from professionals to cut them off.I did everything I could for them including going into debt helping them out.No gratitude from them.
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Avatar_m_tn
Having read tons of comments I've come to the conclusion that life is far to short to allow my son who is 27 to distory me. he decided 2 Years ago that he didn't want me or his dad because he wanted us to buy a 7,000  pound car for him. Like a lot of you, I too have beat my self up wondering what I've done wrong. I can't live my sons life for him he's doing that well himself. He doesn't need me, has a good job now and a lovely home. I've done a good job in bringing him up because he's independent. Job well done. So, why do we punish ourselves? I think if I could go back to the past I won't change anything because I loved him with all my heart, fed him and cared for him. what more could a mother do? Who am I kidding... I'm beating myself up again.... And he loves it.
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480448_tn?1403547723
Hello and welcome!  I'm glad you found reading others' similar stories helpful.  If you'd like more input, or support, please start your own thread (link below), as the older ones usually just get passed by.

http://www.medhelp.org/posts/new_with_new_subject?forum_id=71

Thanks!
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Avatar_f_tn
I totally relate to your story. wow. I am a single mother who raised my son by myself. I bought a home at 27 and raised him the opposite of how I was raised. my parents live in the same town. as they started to put me down again three years ago I allowed him to continue to see them. I have traveled the world with him and treated him like a king. totally overcompensated for his father not being in his life. at first when my family would go skiing for Christmas and leave me behind he had my back. it took awhile but he started treating me the way they did. at 16 we wanted to spend mothers day alone. my mother and sister convinced him to run away. they tried to take custody in which he was to be returned to me. he was home for 4 days before my parents made a false cps claim and kept him for the next month. I had paid an attorney who did and said nothing at the next court date instead he gave my parents an extended visitation for three months under certain stipulations but failed to tell the judge that they weren't following the court orders. I missed out on all the holidays and even his birthday this past January when he turned 17. he wont even speak to me and I am trying to terminate their temporary visitation and have him immediately returned but they are brainwashing him and he is making up lies to his court appointed attorney about me. unfortunately today I thought it would be resolved but my original Judge left about a week ago so the new judge isn't familiar with the case. I feel so stabbed in the heart that I want to die. I am treated as a disease by my family even though none of my sisters or famly accomplished anything I did. They said they will fight for him. His attitude has turned horrible. he has been arrested twice in their care, thrown out of school and they totally ruined the telephone relationship my son and I had. I want him home to teach him ways of the heart and they are only in it for the control. I don't feel a reason to live anymore. I cant deal with the fact my own family turned the one person I dedicated my entire life too... please help me
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Avatar_f_tn
  Hi, Omegle; back when my son was little and I would see some kids turn out badly, I used to blame the parents, too.  
   I would even say, "Kids don't just "turn out" -- they are taught to be bad by the stupid ways their parents rear them."
     I did everything as well as I could; I read many books about child rearing and tried always to use the best possible ideas.  I saw professionals to guide me when I had troubles I couldn't solve by reading...I disciplined and praised, rewarded and encouraged, loved and gave him time each day--not just "quality" time, but quantity time that I did my best to make good quality out of, too.  He had all he truly needed, and learned early to work...he was cleaning neighborhood ditches for 50cents each at age 8; by 10 (a big, strong boy) he was mowing nearby lawns; by 16 he had $12,000 in the bank that he had earned himself.  At 18 he was so argumentative that I had constant, nearly blinding headaches and we helped him set up a little trailer in our driveway with a flush toilet so he could finish high school without making me fall apart or yell all the time (he used to take my towel from the bathroom and throw it on the floor and wipe his feet on it, for just one example of his strange behavior).  He tried to drop out of high school but I refused to let him, promising him his father would come home from work every day and haul his sorry *** and sit with him in class all day if that's what it would take.  He was horrified, but finished high school.  Since then he had his own son; they asked me to babysit but the mother refused to let me give the baby more than her breast milk and he cried all day long, every day.  Finally I insisted they find a relief babysitter and she told them the kid had to have more food, so they let her feed him--and I didn't see him again for a half a year.  It has gone downhill from there, finally my daughter-in-law told me she wanted to hit me and ran out of the room; then the next day I got a note from her telling me she had nothing to say to me ever again and wanted to hear nothing from me ever again, and I called my son and he got nasty with me almost instantly and I said I wasn't sure I wanted to be around her any more and he said fine, then I'd never see any of them again, so for the fifth time I didn't see my grandson for a year...and when he did come to visit he behaved so badly, breaking my computer, lying to me, cursing, calling my dogs names and telling me to get rid of them (two little middle-aged pug girls who love him)--anyway, this site has been an eye-opener...I thought it was something I'd done; he has said I am so sick and crazy and out-of-control that I need permanent total care in a facility--he has accused me of hideous abuse of him when he was young, each time he tells the tales he makes them worse and worse...his son even said his dad was a liar, but he's almost as bad himself.  
   This all came to a head because my husband retired and we're going to roll over his 401K and we had to list a beneficiary...we'd had our son on it from 25 years ago, and now realize we don't want him or his son to have anything out of it, not now, anyway.  But oh, my, this is a painful decision, a real brick wall, and we have to decide what to do before we can finalize our financial plans...why, why, why do these things happen?  I think my son is some kind of a psychopath, marked either by genetics or genetics and some influences early on that I'm unaware of...my psychotherapist said there are enough strange/criminal/nasty people in our family on both sides that genetics alone could account for our son's personality...at first I felt I had to take all the blame, but after a couple of years thinking it over, maybe it's not what I did, an even that all my hard work with him may have kept him from becoming a dangerous criminal...and this is as good as it could ever get with him.  Maybe.  
    It's too easy to blame the parents, Omegle, really, it is.  And he had a religious upbringing, a positive and loving one, so it's not for lack of god, either.  It's something else.  Something worse.  Something deeper.  
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Avatar_m_tn
It is almost a year since my only son, daughter in law (they met when they were 16), and her parents did everything possible to cut me to ribbons.

Her retired parents have been 24/7 "there" for these kids, and they have now gone so far as to move into a new custom home on the same street as the kids.  They would have moved next door, but the contract fell through. They were retired and fairly well off.  It is almost like the show Everybody Loves Raymond.

They clearly wanted sole access to the grandchildren and me out of the picture as far as the grand children. They hate that my granddaughter is practically my clone, and that the grand children both passionately and with humor loved both me and my fiance. My son has not had contact with my side of the family in almost 15 years. He is 33, and this is ridiculous.

I backed off. Followed expert advice, but I am struggling to accept that I will never see my son or grand children again. There has been unspeakable cruelty. My relationship was at first threatened by this, but we sailed through it together and came out stronger. Kudos to my fiance for even going to counseling trying to navigate this situation.

I did a great job raising my son. He accepted God/Christ in his teens, and he has had a dream life. On their 4th custom brand new job, free car and gas from work, he worked his way up to managing an entire operation of a family owned business after the financial crash in 08, etc. Wherever they went, her mom and dad were there. Technically, it is like they never left home, and they have a huge sense of entitlement.

I had to begin a saga of over 12 years of taking care of critically ill parents and crippled siblings. My marriage disintegrated over the stress. I had two long marriages with abusive husbands, but I have worked hard for decades to put down that baggage, and I did a good job of keeping my son out of it.

At the time my son claims abandonment was when he was completely on his own and was attending and graduating from 2 prestigious universities. He married and his high school sweetheart and had the two most beautiful grandchildren ever. Boy, 8, girl, 3. I have a huge family of origin, and my son was an only child. He had a chance to do things as a child that most folks never get to experience. Oddly, his complaints (all of their complaints) are of my supposed abandonment during the years I had to commute around the country helping my immediate family. It cost dearly, but it also was a gift of pure family love and beauty. I saw the kids at least 4 times a year by either flying or driving 24 hours non-stop. My son stated he has no memory of this. I have thousands of photos he looks right at and denies. He and his family (the first great grandchildren) never once came to see me or his grandpa and grandma on my side. Now it is too late.

I sought excellent counseling with two specialty therapists after the original attack from the in laws began at the father's day table, of all things. I have been working with them a year.

I wasn't a threat to the in-laws prior to my engagement to a wonderful man with is a very healthy relationship filled with love. They had previously seen  me as a poor little struggling single woman. I had nothing after the divorce, and I worked hard at low wages to circle back and relocate (at my son's request) to where they lived. The grandchildren and I bonded, and I regularly  took care of them.

I met a wonderful man, and we are engaged. That is when it hit the fan. In their in-law's eyes, I was suddenly a player. I had a beautiful home again, and both the grandchildren started accidentally calling their mom and the other grandmother by my nickname of Nana. That was the last straw for the adults. Over night, my fiance and I became the enemy. My son says he recognizes my unconditional love, but he can't stand to be in the same room with me.

Daughter in law's family literally attacked me on a couple of occasions, as well as attacking my fiance...a fine man. I guess they thought of us as competition and their envy or fear was out of control.  During this time, I was also diagnosed to have overlapping auto immune diseases and became permanently disabled. The stress was exacerbating my illness. I moved to the woods and lake area for the serenity and peace.

My son absolutely will not believe what his wife's family did, and he calls me a pathological liar,  etc. He did not witness the attacks perpetrated by the in laws. He has completely disowned me unless I will crawl back and admit that all their lies are true, and even then I do not believe it would gain any foothold of a relationship or be allowed to see them...it would be a joke for them.. My son and his family is using the children as weapons, withholding access and returning and throwing away gifts, cards, and remembrances for the children from me and my fiance. Including many hand made items for the children.

They accused my wonderful fiance of the possibility of being a pedophile. Shocking. Unbelievable.

The grief and sadness doesn't go away. It is getting better. At one point, I felt like doing myself in because I felt I lost my identity a bit when the caretaking of the ill family members ended. Now my motherhood and being a Nana has been taken away forcefully.

I don't know what to do.  My pain won't go away.

I want to build this new life and move on.  But the pain is indescribable.
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Avatar_m_tn
Nice to see I'm not the only one experiencing this. I left domestic violence, established a stable home and successful career to support us for my kids. I have never dated and put my kids first,  thinking I was doing all the right things, to have my 2 oldest cut me out of their lives as adults. Now a 3rd one has decided her boyfriends claim I never gave a damn about her is fact and she is shutting me out  Well my approach is life goes on and they know where my door is. If they choose not to use it, my life is not going to end. I know I did nothing wrong, they tend to surface long enough to use me then dump me and I have reached a point they know I am no longer here to be used so I dont anticipate any form of a relationship with them at any point,  I am disallusioned as life is not the way I thought it would be and I am very hurt so I focus on work and home and wont allow myself to think about it. There are times I regret having kids or getting married and for making the sacrifices I did. I have put up a wall that does not allow anyone to get close to me and that is the way it is going to be. My family I consider to be my 2 dogs and 2 cats with myself. Outside of that nobody and nothing else matters.
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Avatar_m_tn
Nice to see I'm not the only one experiencing this. I left domestic violence, established a stable home and successful career to support us for my kids. I have never dated and put my kids first,  thinking I was doing all the right things, to have my 2 oldest cut me out of their lives as adults. Now a 3rd one has decided her boyfriends claim I never gave a damn about her is fact and she is shutting me out  Well my approach is life goes on and they know where my door is. If they choose not to use it, my life is not going to end. I know I did nothing wrong, they tend to surface long enough to use me then dump me and I have reached a point they know I am no longer here to be used so I dont anticipate any form of a relationship with them at any point,  I am disallusioned as life is not the way I thought it would be and I am very hurt so I focus on work and home and wont allow myself to think about it. There are times I regret having kids or getting married and for making the sacrifices I did. I have put up a wall that does not allow anyone to get close to me and that is the way it is going to be. My family I consider to be my 2 dogs and 2 cats with myself. Outside of that nobody and nothing else matters.
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It is sad to say but I am in your same boat!!! My Sons both hate me too!!! One is 42 and one is 46....They love my WALLET ONLY!!! Let Go Mary Lou and move on....Save yourself and your dignity!!! If you must have "Love" or feel you failed get some Foster kids that need you perhaps with special needs!!! Mine have hated me since puberty and no matter what they will die hating me.....TO DARN BAD!!!! Gayle C.
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Hello, everyone. I have cried for so many of you reading these postings.

I am not posting to ask for help. I already know my decision: not to speak to my son any more. And it is MY decision.

I was not married when I had my oldest son, who will shortly be turning 28. His father refused to have anything to do with us and was literally “hidden” by his parents, who shuffled him off to school without telling me where. I was a kid. I had no idea what to do. So I just worked and worked and supported my son.

My son had issues from nearly day one. He was angry, and pretty much all the “professionals” in my life – teachers, doctors – assumed it was because we were a single-family home. My son was often violent. He would harm the other children. He was kicked out of two daycares and one preschool by the time he was four.

I would go to his doctor literally sobbing, and begging for help - remember that I was dealing with this sort of thing *every single day*. Constant calls during work, and me being terrified I would lose my job because of them (and who would take care of us then? Nobody). Being called away from work to come pick him up from school because they wouldn't allow him there for the rest of the day - or rest of the week. He was even suspended from the cafeteria for one full month and I had to take my lunch hour during his, park out front of the school and let him eat his lunch in my car.

While I poured my heart out to the doctor in terror for my son, she would tighten her lips with that familiar look of disapproval that I was a single parent, and snottily make comments to the effect that I simply must be a terrible parent, and/or must be abusing my son.

In reality, he was abusing me. He would literally tell me he was going to kill me in my sleep (this starting at approximately age nine). He would smile and stand over me and tell me he was going to set the bed on fire with me in it. If I cried, he would scream with laughter standing over me – on a chair, or if I had fallen to the ground (he often pushed/shoved me/shoved me with objects), laughing with joy that he had made me cry.

I tried behavior charts. I tried witholding activities. I tried "positive reinforcement." I tried "tough love." I read dozens of books searching frantically for an answer. I begged him to tell me what was wrong. I tried going with him to his therapy sessions...letting him go without me...letting  him decide what therapist he wanted to see...butting out...being more involved...less involved...ignoring bad behaviors...punishing bad behaviors...ceasing to call them "bad" behaviors...showering him with attention...creating stories to illustrate how to treat people...and on and on and on and on I tried, tried, tried, tried, tried, tried.

It. NEVER. ENDED.

I took him to psychiatrists. He was even on antidepressants for a time. At one point I tried changing his diet; I used an elimination diet to try to see if he had some form of food allergy that was making him so harmful. Nothing worked and still, no one listened to me.

As of the last time I spoke to him – about six months ago – he was still blaming me for “abusing” him by “making” him eat an elimination diet.
He would frequently tell me that if I didn’t do what he wanted me to, he would call Child Services and have me arrested. I think the first time he threatened this, he was about seven.

I was married very briefly. My son was overjoyed when my husband and I divorced as he (my son) had me all to himself to abuse again. He’d call me a wh*ore, a b*tch, etc., If I tried to call someone for help, he’d yank the phone out of the wall. He’d smilingly tell me to watch my back as if I didn’t do as he wanted, he would push me down the stairs.

He dropped out of school at 16 (I was drained, an emotional wreck and out of “fight” by that time). I had just remarried. My new husband and I had a son and then we moved cross-country when my oldest son was 18. I did not ask my oldest son to come with me.

My oldest son would cry and cry on the phone to me and tell me his problems, and would beg for money, etc. and guess what…I would send it to him. Yes, really. If I didn’t do it quickly enough, he’d get that threatening tone of voice again, on edge, demanding to know “what the holdup” was.

Meanwhile, a few things were beginning to dawn on me...call me a slow learner. For example, as late as my last birthday in August, he had no idea my birthday was coming. He had never cared enough about me *even to learn when my birthday was*. *This was my own son...and a person who lived with me for many years.*

He also never called on Mother's Day. Such things didn't matter to him, because it wasn't an occasion for him. It was just for me, so forget about it.

Suddenly, separated from him – and the situation – I realized it for what it had always been: abuse. And I put my foot down this year. I told him if he could not be decent toward me, I would no longer speak to him.

You really will not believe what he answered: “You need help. Get it.”

I just shook my head and erased the text and have not spoken to him since.

And I do not plan to.
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Avatar_m_tn
Well it is official this has become an epidemic .I am in the same situation as most moms your good and bad  needed not needed , in then out it happened to me twice with one son three with the other son a grandchild held from me 2 years and much more . I cried ,kicked ,screamed ,begged pleaded and got told to my surprise that my husband and I were a burden .Funny when we worked so hard as parents to find out years later we were worthless because I never found 1 moment to be a burden when my children were little even now with all that had happened I don't feel that way but I do feel sorry that they don't realize how this will come back on them one day . I truly believe God or the universe has a way with righting the wrongs in life .This new fad will wither and die and something else will replace it .That's where we as the parents of pain might THANK God it isn't US on the receiving end.
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I can tell you that you are not alone.  My only child, a 34 y/o calls me horrible names.  He has always talked disrespectfully to me.  I made mistakes, I am a Christian too, I know that I am forgiven.  Daily he calls me, asks me for money asks me for my pain medication and if the answer is ever no, I can't help you today, I am called a *****, *****, worthless piece of ****...any name that you can imagine, he calls me.  He is disrespectful to his wife, they have no kids thank God!  She has a very good job and she gives him at least 40 to 50 dollars daily so he can buy pills, weed, beer, whatever he wants.  He cheats on her, she catches him and does nothing.  I have made my mind up today, that I will no longer be called filthy names by this cretin that I gave birth to.  He is a convicted felon, he just recently totaled his dads truck (we are divorced) while his dad is in the hospital almost dying from a heart attack.  He has access to his dads bank account.  He is a criminal and a menace to society.  My fear is that he will commit suicide by cops in front of me.  I called the cops on him just this week for calling me horrible  names while he was in my home.  There is no helping him until he wants it.  His issues are HIS.  I have made my mind up to never cry one more tear.  I have an awesome husband (whom my son hates).  All I need is my husband, my siblings and my friends.  I don't need this horrible demon that I brought into this world.
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Your story sounds exactly like mine even down to our birthdays being in August.  My son has been disrespectful to me since he was about 5 years old, kicked out of daycare, school, constantly being called at work, same scenario.  I will be honest, I made mistakes.  There was a short time of alcohol and drug use, but I constantly maintained a very good job.  We were never evicted from where we lived and always lived in very nice places.  Now at 34 years old, he is addicted to multiple drugs.  He takes almost any pill that will get you high.  I have chronic pain and have been on pain meds for years.  If I don't give him my meds, he threatens to call my doctor and tell lies about me, call my church pastor, all of my family members and when I finally give in, he loves me again, for about 2 days.  I am with you on this, I am done.  I have him blocked from calling me.  My husband wants me to change my phone number.  I gave him a vehicle less than a year ago, he is trying to sell it right now after he ran it into the ground.  His wife, a beautiful sweet girl used to love and cherish me, now she calls me a ***** right along side of him.  I hate that someone else is going through this, but I feel empowered knowing I am not alone in this.  Hang in there, stay strong and pray that I do too!  
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Hi there!!

This is a VERY old thread, it will get passed by.

It would be much better if you could start your own thread.  You can do so by clicking this link:

http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Anxiety/My-adult-son-hates-me/show/434458#

Thank you!
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Avatar_f_tn
I'm in the same predicament as you only worse my son beat me up and had me put in jail. I'm so angry with him that he would lay his hands on me,I was literally shocked. I to raised him with stricked hand. I believe in spanking when needed. Look at our generation we got spanked regularly and we were always scared to do bad stuff cause we didn't want that whipping, kids these days have no sense of respect towards adults in general. I know first hand how hard it is not to talk to him but it's a lesson for him to that he needs and wants you but you MUST demand respect. I haven't talked to my son now since Feb it's killing me but I'm staying strong he needs to apologize for his actions I at least deserve that, he now realize he is missing me so he calls for silly stuff n I do like that but then we end up fighting usually over nothing.
I'm..going with the police to get all my stuff n we will see what it's like without mommy's help n I'm taking him to court for all the money he borrow n now he's saying I gifted it (30,000,00) and its gonna kill me more we probably won't talk for quite some time after they award me judge ment but a hard lesson is in order here....stay strong DEMAND RESPECT and don't let him know it's hard on you too or he will keep doing it to try n make u feel bad. Sincerely Courtney
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I totally understand how you feel.  I have a 26 year old son who hates me.  He told me he can't stand me and that he has a lot of resentment towards me. I kicked him out when he was 16. He was using drugs and violent towards me. That was 10 years ago and he won't let it go!  He also has my granddaughter who is 6 years old.  She is diabetic. He currently won't let me see her. He holds her over my head.  It is tearing me up inside.  I am having nightmares all the time and miss my granddaughter terribly.  I truly believe he has a mood disorder along with other issues. He is a control freak and treats me very bad especially in from of my granddaughter.  I can't deal with him anymore.  Anyone have any suggestions?
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I am happy to have found this site & see that I am not alone. I have a 17 year old Son & a 12 year old Son. I divorced their Dad when they were 6 & 10. The youngest was always a Mommy's boy but, the oldest WANTED to be a Daddy's boy. However, Daddy always had better things to do with his buddies than to spend time with us :/. We fought all the time, he was lying to me all the time, sneaking out at night, not where he said he would be, etc. We broke up & got back together a million times. When he would drink he wouldn't know his limits & he would ALWAYS lash out at me. I even had to call the cops once. I finally left him for good because I didn't want my children growing up like that. I put myself & my children in counselling right away. My oldest Son was always "indifferent" & "perplexed". Neither of my children wanted much to do with their Dad because they saw him for what he was. However, somehow, that suddenly changed. My oldest was turning 16 last August & my ex mother in law told him he can do what he wants now & I can't do anything about it. Already being a troubled, angry, confused child, I'm sure she really helped him out by telling him that! So, he left me & went to AB with his "Dad". His Dad always says bad things about me & he & his entire family tell my Son EVERYTHING including what I say about the ex MIL providing my child with such info. Of course, this upsets my Son because he is being put in the middle of our "war" & shouldn't be! He takes everything out on me & has told me he is going to bash my face in with a hammer! My response was that you are not allowed in my home anymore. I have tried everything to talk to him, text him, write him, etc. He says I am not his Mother. His "Dad" supports his behaviour & allows him to smoke & drink underage & also drop out of school. I am the horrible parent who tried to make him stay in school, & make good decisions about drugs & alcohol. He has ADHD & I believe he has underlying issues that he would never let me help him with. He stopped going to counselling when he was 14 & even the counsellors agreed I can't "force" him to go because it won't do any good. He has to get the help himself. He has been told by my ex that I screwed around while we were ,married. I did NOT. However, even if I did, that's not something you tell a child & has nothing to do with the kind of parent one is! My ex tells him & my youngest Son terrible things about me & it has worked with my oldest. I am terrified every day that my, now 12 year old, will also take the same turn. I cry each & every day & can't "get over it". My heart is also broken into a million pieces. My Son tells lies that he truly believes as fact. He says I never did anything for him & I was too hard on him. I have beaten myself up for a very long time accepting the blame & trying to figure out what I should have done differently. NOTHING. My so called being hard on him was pick up your dirty laundry, be in by a certain time, study, get the help you need at school, don't be disrespectful to me, pick up after yourself, etc. Normal parental expectations as far as I'm concerned. However, his Father has developed a very high earning job & has become the "fun friend" making me look even more like Cruella Deville! He throws his money around like there's no end to it while I try to teach my children it's not about money. He lets him do as he wishes...smoking, drinking, cursing, no curfew, drop out of school, disrespect his Mother, etc & he has done a very good job at making my Son & all his friends & family think I am the lunatic bad parent. I, honestly, don't care what his friends & family think of me. My beef is with them surrounding my Son & filling him with ideas that they do things right & are so much more fun & I do things wrong & I am nuts! They are starting to work on my 12 year old now who always thought they were "idiots" but, suddenly, thinks they are pretty good! I don't know how they do it & I don't know why they have to keep trying to make my life miserable & hurting my children! I fear I have lost my oldest Son forever. It keeps me from being 100% happy in my new life. I supported my children completely on my own for several years before he gave a penny & I never had government assistance & my children never did without. I don't know how someone they never thought very much of can suddenly tweak their minds & make them forget everything & see me as horrible & him as fantastic! The counsellors have documentation of the childrens' negativity towards him & how they didn't like how he treated me (They saw it), how he treated them (Or didn't), etc. I don't know what happened & how my child can actually hate me :( I can't stand this BS! It needs to stop! An example, just the other day my 12 Year old had soccer. He had to be there as close to 5 as possible, not earlier but, 5 or thereabouts. The ex picks him up at 4! They, obviously, get there WAY too early & nobody is there. My Son texts me at 4:45 & asks me to check my email to see if it's going ahead. When I checked, they had emailed 10 minutes prior to cancel the game. My ex immediately says to my 12 year old Son, that's your idiot mother not checking her emails! Seriously!!?? They sent the email 4:35, he picked the child up at 4!!!! That's something to say to your Son about his Mother, right? Urgh! Anyway, I don't see it getting any better because he just got remarried & I do believe he treats me this way because of her because things only started getting disrespectful once he started seeing her & as much as we didn't get along, there was a time when he wouldn't allow the children to disrespect me :/ He was always the type that would be whoever he needs to be to impress others. We fought about it a lot. Now, that's exactly what he's doing with my children & his new life. He wants to impress her by dissin me & impress his children by being their friend instead of their parent. Therefore, I don't have much of a chance :( I can only continue being the parent & hope my children understand this someday.
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Avatar_f_tn
Totally agree with this!
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Avatar_f_tn
Here's what worked for me big time. I read this in one of the forums and it has changed my life. I have a good relationship with my kids but after reading this, and applying it. I can say my relationship with me kids got even better.

Here is what I read:



This is all my own humble opinion but here is my take on what I read (from you and everybody).



S/he resents resents resents.  Child resents resents resents  .. child is angry angry angry angry angry.  The resentment & anger doesn't end.



Wow .. some of these kids really think they have a license to resent and be angry.  I have to wonder, is there something wrong in their brains?  One thing that all these estranged kids seem to mass believe is their position that they are RIGHT, parent is WRONG, and the kids (at whatever age) are going to make the parent pay pay pay pay pay for it.  



I don't see any 'problem solving' even when an initial offering to sit down and talk is offered.  Only one thing I would have done different.  You say he did offer to meet at the library.  I would have agreed.  The nice thing about the library is that you must speak softly.  Keeps emotions in check.  You get loud or yell, you will asked to leave.  But if you are loud and asked to leave, that means the conversation really wasn't ready to be had.  Another thing - I always meet in public.  My kid can never come into my home again.  You give a kid more of an opportunity to strike out, hit, when you are in the privacy of your home and if domestic violence breaks out, the police are not inclined to interfere with a family domestic situation.



Came to the conclusion .. the kids don't want to solve it.  They seem to get off, they seem to LOVE, making parents suffer.  The more the parents suffer, the more the kids gain satisfaction.  I see from too many posts all over, this is the real agenda for almost all the kids when they do finally agree to meet.  Or bring themselves and the grandkids over for a holiday or visit .. and then don't show and they don't show and don't call deliberately .. to make you angry and pull your hair out of your head and make you cry.  That is not only what they are hoping you will do but these narcissistic kids of ours, they truly believe that is what is really happening.  



I have come to think, the kids use their anger like a drug.  Their drug of choice is ANGER.  Call it beer, alcohol, pot, or anger.  They all seem the same.  Kids don't want to give up their 'drug'.  They like being One-Up on mom, dad.  It makes them feel .. powerful.  Like a drug.  Some say (like 12-step) "we admit we are powerless over our drug" but with these kids, they hold on to the power.   Cuz they don't want to give up the 'drug'.



The more the parents want to try, to see the grandkids, to work it out .. the more the kids seem to act worse.  What a conundrum.  And from everything else I have observed (reading all this plus my own experiences with my own partially estranged son) they do like it.  They just can't give it up.  From all the boards I am a member on and read .. even when a reconciliation is achieved, it is never the same again.  The kids go back and forth, in an out of it.  Like a drug, they are hooked on the drama.  It makes them feel soooo important.  



Something, I think, is wrong with these kids.  Somebody said, why does a kid walk from a parent that really loves/loved them?  Good question.  My other observation is, the more the parent 'begs' (come see us, come talk, let us see the grandkids, etc) .. again, new opportunity for the estranged kid to dig the knife in deeper.



While a few kids outgrow this sometime in their adulthood, I don't see about 98% of them going in that direction from all my years of reading.  Hmmm ... one thing these kids have in common, they can't solve problems.  They run from them.  And they torture those that really want to solve them.  The number of dinners parents give their kids, and then at the end, the kid calls them names and walks out of the restaurant (but not till they have eaten) .. astounds me.



I'm no expert.  I'm just commenting on what I read here and other sites.  



For me, all I can say is, the more I pulled away, the more frustrated my kid got.  I may or may not answer the phone or text when it comes in.  And if I do, I am all 'hmmm' and nicely noncommittal.  I don't fall for my kid's stuff anymore.  He starts in, it's time to say goodbye, have a good week! and hang up.  He cannot rile me up anymore.  I am always cheerful.  And things are good with me (even if they are not.)  The less opportunity I give him to berate me, the better it is for me.  I'm not that concerned about him anymore.  He is mostly concerned about himself, doesn't need the two of us focusing on him!  He takes care of him, I take care of me.  I have seen him a couple times and if it is nice, we finish our taco at Taco Bell.  (NO MORE sit downs in full service restaurants.  I need the freedom to walk out, say adios, after 5 minutes if need be.)  If he is nice, we can sit and talk over a soda that is already paid for, for an hour or two.  



It's a sick game and the winner of the game is the one that gets the rules.  He thinks he is gonna get my goat but lately, he can't.  I now know he is baffled.  I don't play to his sicko ways or silly ways or his anger.  I've 'gotta go!! the MOMENT it starts.  It was the only way I could figure out how to disempower him.



Don't misunderstand me please.  This is my son, I have love for him, but if the 'games' come, I WIN or I leave.  His 'games' have one 'winner' .. and it is me.  Took me a while to figure it out.  I do see some changes in him.  I had to make him understand HE LOSES out.  He is very narcissistic, says to me, you will never see me again Mom, what do you think of THAT?  I say, sweetly, hey it's OK, you act horribly and mean, I don't want to be around you anyhow .. who would?  I de-power him.  I don't moan or cry or whine or beg.  Inside I do sometimes, but not on the outside.



It is almost like classical conditioning in a sense and it takes great strength and I should get an academy award.  But this is how I am handling it.  I 'defuse' that which he thinks will upset me.  I'm not upset (on the outside - and I am toughening up, I am less upset this last year on the inside now.)  I see him being baffled.  GOOD.  That means something is getting through to him .. however .. it does take time for all this to evolve.  Maybe years.  I accept that.



Don't know where my kid, starting at 14, thought we were equals and by 16, he decided he was more powerful than me.  Hmmm ... but save that conversation (Facebook, internet, other miserable kids, drugs, smoking, schools giving awards for losing, all of it) for another day.



This is all my own observations and conclusions and ways.  You have to do what works best for you.  If something I said makes sense, then I am glad.  


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Avatar_m_tn
I understand how you feel.  I have 3 grown sons and my youngest son has been a long road to tow.  I am from the south.  I have a great relationship with my older sons, 32 and 26 but it was not always been that way.  I am hoping that as he gets older things will get better.  Am I delusional.  He talks to me in a way that the other two did not but I carry a lot of guilt and that has made me more passive at times, but when I challenge him, lack of a better word, it gets worse.  Sometimes I just want to kick him to the curb, but I feel there is hope if I hang in there. Sometimes it just gets tiresome because I want peace at my age.  It claims to be an adult but he does not act like one.  He can be hateful and it hurts my feelings because I am want to help him but not at the cost of my peace of mind.
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Avatar_f_tn
YOU are not alone. My son will turn 33 years old in January.  We have not seen each other in about 2 years.  He will not allow me to see my 7 year old grandson.  However, my grandson's mom let's me see him.  I get to see my grandson maybe 1 or 2 times a month if I am lucky.  If I see him I know I will get a ton of phone calls from my son to tell me that I am not in control of his life anymore and to stop seeing his son and he threatens me all the time calls me every name in the book he can think of.  If my daughter-in-law (divorced) didn't let me see my grandson...I would not get to see him.  It breaks my heart everyday.....and the days I go to work after I've seen my grandson...my phone rings off the hook and the message's he leaves on my phone at my work....very disturbing...I'm thinking of getting a restraining order against my son...any thoughts?
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Avatar_m_tn
Hi,

Your reply particularly stood out to me.

My son is 20. We have always been very close.
Around 6 years ago it all started going wrong.
I don't not know if there is any connection but around the same time he came out as being gay. I have no problem with his sexuality. He has his partner to stay often.
In the last few years he has begun to say awful things such as if he never saw my face again he would be happy. He hates being in my company. He says me and his grandmother are so dull. The list is endless of nast comments.
Everyone is saying it is because he is too spoilt but I dispute this as other parents spoil there kids and don't get treated this way. My son tells me he looks at me and feels not one emotion. It all finally came to a head on Sunday when he said he wants to live with his dad. He has left temporarily not with his dad as his dad says it is impossible!!
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I want to add this discussion to my tracker.  I'm new to website, and not sure how to do it.  The only way I figure is to post a comment here and the press add to watch list.  Can someone help me with this?
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Avatar_f_tn
opps, i forgot to press/click on add to watch list.
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