My panic Attacks are back, Please Help!!!

[tina0214]

I have been suffering from panic disorder since i was 17yrs old, ive been on different medications and a few years ago actually seemed to control them to the point that i was able to live my life again, up until a year ago, circumstances changed and my husband and i and our 3 daughters had to move in with my in laws and within a month i was hit with a terrible panic attack in the middle of the night. I lived in fear since then of having another one, it never came but i did have axiety everyday, i practiced breathing excersizes and went on lexapro for a second time ( first time being for post pardom dep.) i went off of it after a few months being on because my anxiety was getting worse, to where i now fear taking any kind of medications, i barely take tylenol when i have headaches. I tried my hardest to control them on my own, ( went to counciling, excersize and breathing excersizes) i seemed to control the intensity of my anxiety. I stay home with my daughters as my husband works, we've had our own place again since Dec. 2009. Up until a week ago, my councilor had opened up an old wound from my childhood- to early teens and now i have been in full blown panic mode! even in my sleep, i wake up in the middle of the night with my heart pounding. When i try to sleep i get this sunkin feeling in my chest, stomach aches, sweaty palms and increased heart rate. I dont understand and i am terrified! i dont want to resort to medications but at this point im willing to do anything so i can be functional again, im living in fear as if i am dying, im home alone with my 2 and 1yr old and i just want to play with them instead of being on the internet trying to find a cure. Can anyone please give me advice. The reasoning for being fearful of medications are silly i know but the risks that come with it, hearing how people sleep walk or have seizures on certain meds scare me!

[tina0214]

Thank you so much for your comment, i hope to believe that now confronting the feelings from the past is bringing forward all these emotions and being who i am i tend to worry contantly over it. All this time i have kept it down inside of me and now facing it has made me go crazy (so to speak) i see the doctor this morning and hope to find reassurence. I cant go on feeling this way! for myself and for my family i need to do all i can to feel normal again and enjoy life :-)

The letter method does sound interesting, i will sure ask my therapist that this week.

Thank you again

[Nurse_A]

Hello there,

I can fully understand how opening up the 'old wound' is a very painful and scary thing to of done and now this big pile of worms has coming tumbling out, resulting in these high emotions.  Do you believe this is where the panic attacks first evolved from, this incident that has you now in an anxious state?  If so, this may be the perfect opportunity to work with the emotions you are experiencing and with the help of the therapist start to understand and close this painful chapter in your life.  I know how frightening this is to face the past and the emotions that come from it can make you feel like your going insane but i promise you that you will not, but only by confronting the issue will you be able to end it.  Remember this phrase... 'what you resist, persists'.

So, what can help you in resolving this painful memory?  well, maybe it would help you to think about writing a letter to the person or people who was involved in the painful incident, tell them exactly how what happened made you feel, scream, yell at them write all your feelings down.  You don't have to actually send it, but after you have got everything out of your system and down onto paper you can do a little ritual.  Maybe with your husband, who can comfort you while you do it,light a candle in a softly lit room and with a bucket of water nearby you can light a match and start to burn the letter.  Visualise all the pain burning away with the words and feelings that have tortured you for so long.  This can be very emotional, you may feel the need to cry or you may feel a great sense of relief or both.  Writing the letter can take a few days, if not weeks for some, while others write it in one fail swoop.

Another method is burying it, a bit like a little funeral.  saying good-bye to this memory can bring you relief.  This tends to bring a sense of closure to the incident for a lot of people and they feel lighter and happier for doing so.

Memories tend to be hazardous to us for a few reasons, but the main reasons are lack of control over the situation, which provoked the intense emotions and lack of closure, that causes the memory to stay alive.  I personally think that discussing this with your therapist will do you the world of good in the long term and think about asking her opinion on the letter... I think she/he will agree with me that it would help you in more ways than you can imagine.  

There are several other exercises i could recommend for you to try so if your interested please just say and i'll be happy to help.

All the best now

A  

[Stayinpositive]

Let me know how it goes!
Hope you get better.

[Princessdaniella]

It must be horrible to be experiencing this and it is terrible that You have to go through this. I know that taking medication can be something that a lot of us fear or do not want to do but I think if you're having a really difficult time medication might be the best bet.
Good luck

[tina0214]

Thanks for your comment, it really is the hardest thing to do to stay home and take care of children when you cant even focus and take care of yourfeslf. Im waiting it out a little bit before i resort to getting on meds, i have an appt on monday with my Doctor so hopefully i will get a little reassurence, and with counciling every thurs i am able to vent out my frustrations, she wants me to start writing down my last thought before having an attack so i will try to do so. My husband too gets tired of seeing me go through this but is also understanding of my wanting to get a hold of it without meds, but by all means if i cant i too will get on something because feeling like this is miserable.

[Stayinpositive]

I know what you are going through. I was on somewhat the same boat. Its my 8th day on Paxil. I am also taking .25 Xanax. I didnt wanna take anything but it was the only option I had left....I felt I was going nuts with these panic attacks. I am here waiting and praying for the day I get better. I have an 8 yr old 3 yr old and 7 week old to attend to and i cant bacause panic is taking over my life. My husband is overwhelmed with taking care of all of us.You're not alone. Get better.