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My son that died.
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My son that died.

How long will i have to feel like this? I can't eat,sleep,can't stop thinking about him and what if I did this or did this. I just feel all alone anymore. My son Kane was 14 months old when he died and it was in my arms. I blame myself everyday. I wish i could just invest all this pain and hurt into something positive. I've been on that Suboxen program at the doctors office,where you get a month supply at a time. That alone makes me proud of myself cause I've been shooting oc's & herion for the long time. I'm finally proud of myself for being clean for 5 months!!!!
Tags: sober, Grieving, on housearrest
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Avatar_m_tn
I am sorry for the loss of your son.  The fact that you are here seeking help and sharing your experiences with us is a HUGE step in the right direction in my opinion.  And staying clean for 5 months is no small feat, so please give yourself credit for what you have accomplished.  Are you able to seek help through a support group while you are going through this?  There are many groups that meet in which people have lost loved ones and quite often through the shared experiences and bonds that form it can help you get through this in my opinion.  I am glad that you are here and please feel free to share as many questions and experiences as you would like here!
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Avatar_m_tn
well...being clean will help. the pain gets worse when you get clean, but thats only because you're finally able to feel it...to deal with it as it should be dealt with.

there's no one here who can make the death of someone we love any easier. there's no one in the world that can do that. there's also no one in the world who can 100% truly understand what a person goes through on an individual level when it comes to dealing with death. in this sense, we are all on our own when someone dies and we will all deal with it in different ways...but that doesn't mean that there is no one out there who cares about your pain and helping you get through it. you have to allow those people to help you. make sure you have a support team for your drug issue...as i'm sure you already do since you made it 5 months. you also need a support team to deal with the loss of your son. shutting the world out only makes it worse. no one can care about your feelings if you don't want anyone to care. seeing a therapist is definately a good idea...and you'll want to go for quite some time. this forum may also help vent some if you need to. there are other forums around here that may be helpful, also.

i'm sorry for your loss. i know it must be painful, though i can't imagine how much so. but there are always reasons to keep living and finding those reasons will help you through the pain and also through your addictions.
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665881_tn?1248930597
Hi, I know how you feel, well very similar. I lost my mother when i was 17 yrs and it was so hard, i couldn't eat, sleep etc...I remember think Omg! this is too hard, i can't deal with this anymore, how long will this last? All the advise i can give you is stay close to people, friends & family because it's such a hard time in life. Let me promise you, that in time, i promise it will get alot easier! I am now 20 and i can think of my mum with out breaking down in tears and i can have jokes about what she had done in her life & even pay her out with my sister about un-cool things she did like dropping me off to school with abba cranked up! Believe me, it will get so much easier with time. You will never forget & never stop hurting but your hurting will go from everyday to everery few days, to everyweek, to every week and a bit, then u'll start to think about them less and less but you wont forget! I only think about my mum now on her b-day and and mothers day & occasionaly when i hear a song she loved or things she most often did. I am so so sorry to hear about your loss that is sooooo sad! I have a baby daughter myself and i couldn't even imagine your pain. Don't blame yourself because it will only make things worse, you did what you knew best, you parented how you were taught. It's good your staying away from the drugs because that'll only make your life 100 times worse. Let me tell you honestly it will get easier,& i bet your think yeah right how is that ever possible, but it truly is.
Stay with fam, friends & people who care about you & i know how alone you feel even though you may have 100 people around you, but that's just what happens when you lose someone you love. It will get better! I promise...
Take care, all the best.
so sorry :(
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Avatar_n_tn
Hi I lost my daughter when I was 36 and 1/2 weeks pregnant with her. I delivered her April 21 1998. She died at least 2 days before delivery. I did meth up until the day I found out I was pregnant. When she died I asked the dr's and they tried to reassure me that this could have nothing to do with her death since she made it to 36 weeks. This has been what has keep me sober since. Just knowing I did meth while pregnant will always hurt me.I know it's not the same but I just thought I'd share my exsperience. When she died my son was 3 1/2 years old. I found I was unable to get out of bed for weeks and couldn' take care of him. I soon realized that for me talking was the one thing that helped. I had such a hard time with the fact that I never heard her cry or saw the color of her eyes. 11 years later I still think of her and how I never heard her cry or saw the color of her eyes. When I talk about her it really helps. For me I think talking on the computer is easier than in person. I never goes away, it just gets easier to deal with. Please don't let the death of your child cause you to relapse. If you every need to talk feel free to message me.
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