Need help

Hi,
I have a son that has anxiety and ocd.  Instead of taking medication, he self medicates.  Why won't he get help? I am so stressed out, I have tried to help him, he just won't listen to me, I know he hears, just won't do anything, why would he not want help? Sometimes he wants help, says he does, but never does anything,  He doesn't work, has nothing, doesn't do anything consructive.  I just don't know what to do anymore, I don't know where to go to get help, who to turn to, I am just so stressed, I am hoping someone can help me, please,
Thank you

[Rkk71]

Hey, well let me tell you a little bit about myself. I'm a 25 yr male who abused alcohol and drugs for about 5 years (from 17 to 23). I have not used anything for almost two years now. I was always wound a little tight, got overly stressed over trivial things, and was a perfectionist. Now I would definately say that I did not have a serious enough of problems in the past that required medical attention. But after quitting alcohol and going through serious withdrawals, I am left with a pretty bad anxiety disorder/depression. They have never diagnosed ocd but several have said I have some ocd "features". I think I was predisposed to this illness and the alcohol was keeping it at bay for the time being. But I too, had trouble keeping a steady job and doing anything to move forward. This was a whole lot worse after I quit drinking. Since I have quit, my anxiety has been thru the roof and this has interferred with me and a regular job. I've had several, one in a kitchen that I kept for about 8mo., and some other construction jobs and the like. I absolutely could not handle the stress of everyday life period. I can't even describe how terrible a bad anxiety disorder can really be. If I could swap it out for cancer I think I would take my chances. Seeing doctors can be a joke like lots of people talk about. I've seen several Dr.s , psychs, therapists, tried many meds, but found my good primary care physician to be the best one to help me. Trying different meds can really suck and they do have side effects that can be very bothersome. My anxiety never caused me to not leave the house and stuff like that, but it made my quality of life absolute sh**. I currently take a benzodiazepine called Ativan. I usually only take half mg per day and sometimes a full 1mg. There is a lot of propoganda out there about these meds and they can be abused. But coming from someone who abused everything I could get my hands on, I have complete control over my med, would never abuse it, and to me it doesn't feel like being drugged at all. It just levels me out and slows down my mind. And if I develop a tolerance, I don't really care! Nothing could be worse than the withdrawals of stopping serious alcohol abuse cold turkey!! Now I'm not saying he should get out and get himself on a benzo, my point is just that there is many meds out there to try and something will work out for him. I would also like to ad that coming from your sons perspective, the hardest thing was to explain to my family how awful it can really be. They used to get on my case so bad about not working etc,...until my therapist had her come to a session with me about a year ago and he explained what its like. She broke down pretty bad and cried. Since then she herself has read many books, got educated about it, and doesn't push me. Having my family understand and knowing that its something I cannot help took a ton of weight off my shoulders. Their understanding and patience and support is what got me back into the doctors and on meds instead of suffering. Don't be discouraged if he does get help and tries a med that doesnt work or he doesnt like. I never had any luck the the SSRI anti-depressants that they like to think are first line treatments for anxiety. These personally made me feel the worst anxiety, like a bad drug trip. But for others they can work great! I hope everything works out. Please be patient with him. Reacting to the situation in the proper way can make all the difference. Instead of my parents harping on me for now figuring out what I'm going to do with my life, they encouraged me go out and golf, and fish, be with my friends,  and ride my motorcycle everyday. I now have a good job and am feeling pretty decent compared to how I was. I think you might find he is in pretty rough shape, and moving forward with life, and a job, will come after he starts the healing process. Just give it time! It took me a few years!!!!

[marie147]

Hi,
Thank you for your comment.  But how and why did you quit drinking?  I took him  to a alcohol treatment center for 30 days, when he came home that is when I found out that they diagnosed him with an anxiety disorder which is ocd.  He was taking Luvox, I noticed how he had changed for the better, but then he quit taking it, and went right back to his old self.  I try to get him to take it again, I even picked it up, he has no money, but there it sits.  Have you ever tried Luvox maybe it would work for you, I have been doing alot of searching and that is why I believe what they diagnosed him with is true, he has every symptom of anxiety.  Try going to Good Therapy.org  talks all about anxiety, and which drugs work best for aniety and Luvox is one of them.  Thank you so much for sharing with me. Have a wonderful day.

[scaredjo]

hi im 33 yrs old and have suffered health anxiety for 14 yrs, i too self medicate not with drugs but with alcohol, i dont get drunk everynight i just use a few beers to take the edge off my anxiety ALTHOUGH the day after i feel even more anxious, its one big circle. im scared of taking meds cause of the side-effects, i have been prescribed loads of them but have never even tried any of them. does the alcohol make your son less anxious? how is he the day after drinking? i think some CBT will help him, its good to talk and he needs to break the anxiety/OCD circle. has he told you why he prefers alcohol to the meds?
sorry for all the questions x

[Rkk71]

I never planned on quitting drinking forever. My gf was about 5mo. pregnant and I knew I had to clean up my act. My plan was the "cut back". Well about 3 days in I starting going thru serious withdrawals. It was a living hell. If I would have known that I had a dependency and what would have happened I would have went to a detox facility. The experience was so horrific I just have not drank since and with a daughter to take care of I'm pretty sure I will just never drink again. I have tried 5 SSRI's with the same negative reaction (Luvox is in this same class) so my doctors won't even give me them. I probably wouldn't take one anyway. The SSRI's just don't agree with me. Thats great that it worked for your son though. Is there any reason why he quit taking them? Like any negative side effects or didn't like the way it made him feel?  I know a lot of people who take various meds and quite a few say that although the ssris calm the anxiety it leaves them feeling blunted, like they have no feelings or motivation to do anything. Addiction is SO common in OCD, I've read a lot about it and it can be a hard one to treat. Has he seen an addiction therapist? I saw a great one and it was a big help. Just a thought. I was also wondering does he have compulsions? I have never been diagnosed with ocd, but the ocd "features" they said I have were the circulating/intrusive thoughts but don't meet the criteria enough for a dx especially without the compulsions.

[marie147]

Hi,
yes that is why he drinks to calm himself down, I really don't know why he quit taking the medicine,  I am thinking because he was afraid to change, I don't know, for sure. The day after the same thing, very irritable, then if he drinks calms him down, it really is a vicious circle.  That is the problem we know he has a problem I just can't get him to go see anyone not even his regular doc.

[marie147]

Hi,
You know I really didn't see that he had anything, just a drinking and drug problem until he went to the treatment center,  when I first heard he had anxiety/ocd and read up on it, I was saying to myself what why are they saying that, he doesn't do any rituals, he has the intrusive/obsessive thoughts but doesn't have the complusions, but they still said that is what he had.  I wish I could get him to a therapist of any kind, I can't get him to get any kind of help.  I don't know why he quit taking the medicine, he really did change when he was on it, I liked being around him again, now again I don't even like to be around him, so irritable,crabby, gets mad at me if i say anything, even ask a question, he gets mad.

[boogieman]

hi. sounds like the emphasis is being placed on the ocd as opposed to the substance abuse. most people with a chemical dependence also suffer from varying psych/emotional conditions, the most common being depressive, anxiety based, or some combination of the two. additionally, chemical dependence itself will manifest characteristics of many different disorders, especially once the use of alcohol and/or other mind altering substances becomes chronic. what is important here is that if your son is chemically dependent and still using, the symptoms indicative of ocd or any other psych/emotional condition will likely worsen. i have been dealing with my own chemical dependencies and attendant psychiatric diagnoses for several years, and have found progress only through psychotherapy, medication, and the application of the principles of 12 step programs such as alcoholics anonymous. it's not important what came first, or if one caused the other. what matters is there is no pharmaceutical solution to chemical dependency, and all the meds in the world will most likely be contraindicated by continued abuse of alcohol or other drug. all this being said, if you would be willing to provide feedback to this post, i think i can at least give you an idea of possible options. take care,   gm