No hope in sight

[Jimmy870]

Medicine:

Currently on:
80 mg Geodon
2 Adderall XR capsules + Adderall 2x a day
Xanax 3 times a day
100 mg Lamictal

Have been on a combination of about 8 medicines.  Failed medicines include Lexapro, Concerta, Effexor and probably another one (Cymbalta).  I have been almost perfect in making sure that I have taken these pills at the appropriate time.  Originally visited the psychiatrist for common anxiety and lack of attention.  I was diagnosed with ADD almost immediately.  It has been about 4 years since my first visit at this psychiatrist.  The results include moderate to severe depression, mood swings, extreme self-awareness and a dramatic increase in anxiety.  I really have no hope for the future after being so patient and giving the medicine time to work.  The only medicine that has been effective are Adderall XR and Xanax, which both are temporary solutions.  Any advice that this pointless forum can give me besides the same old BS about contacting medical help if I have any thoughts of suicide? Please respond quickly.  I've run out of patience and I'm desperate enough to write out my medical history on this silly forum.  Thank you.

[muffy235]

Hi Jimmy i can truly relate to where you are coming from out of the blue i started having attacks like crazy the littlest task in everyday living became the hardest task. I was afraid to go to the supermarket because i feared what would happen there I was afraid to live basically, immediately after i informed my doctor with my problem he put me on medication and the medication made me feel like i was completely insane, I started having thoughts of killing myself this sacared me completely, So I talked to god and asked him to please remove this feelings and thoughts out of my heart for a couple of days i saw no results but after while the more i talk to god the better it got I have not been on medication for almost 2 months and I still have them but I'm dealing greatly with them I'm not a doctor and i don't know the severity of your case but I will tell you try not to focus on stress because that can tigger it don't drink caffine and most impotantly give all your problems to God everyday I promise you, you'll see how easy it gets it would feel like he's right there beside you holding your hand through this.

[JSGeare]

Well, when you've been reduced to chatting with folks on a pointless forum, that's about as low as things can get. I once had a girl friend who said I was pointless.

But I digress.

Anyway, one thing I notice in your missive of angst is a lot of trying this or that drug and a total absence of anything about therapy. In fact, a great many anxiety patients -what the heck, people in general- are hopeful that a pill, a food a supllement, a mantra, a program or some other conscientiously applied external thing-a-ma-jig will take care of their problems.

Matter of fact, sometimes that stuff CAN help. It can help you by supporting your efforst to get your head straight again, same way aspirin gives us some relief when we have a fever due to the cold or flu. In the end, it is our own bodies and brains that do the work -from WITHIN.

And I see nothing in your post about such efforts on your part. I'm not wagging my finger at you, you young whipper-snapper, you. I'm really trying to give you what you seem to be asking for -some new approach. So here goes:

Either fire your shrink and get a new one, or have a real eyeball-to-eyeball confrontation with the one you've got now. The agenda: you need to be making changes, to identify what's at the root of all this mess, and stop messing about with medication roulette. Find the ones that give you some relief -even if temporarily- so you can GET TO WORK. Intensive talk therapy, maybe on a weekly basis.

Then tear a page from cj29's play book and look at changes to your life you can actually go out and do, so your approach to life and the meaning of it are created from a whole new perspective. Wanna BE different? ACT different. Build a house with Habitat, serve soup at a kitchen, be a big brother, learn piano, take a course in electrical wiring -just get out of the RUT! This isn't just activity to keep you busy while we all place bets on what happens to you. I'm talking about new inputs, new stimuli, new environments, to call out in you some unsed attributes and qualities -ALL OF WHICH will give you some higher self-awareness. For everyone here who has recovered or is on their way, nothing happened until they started doing things differently and understanding themselves differently.

Finally, do your research here on the forum -see what has happened with others. Read the journals, get a "profile of success." And also be of some help to others here.

NOW -get busy. And let us know what's new and different as a result.

And by the way, we are all on your team.

Pointless. Hmph!

[dstylist]

HI I JUST JOINED HERE I READ WHAT YOU SAID MY OPINION IS THE ADDERAL WILL CAUSE ANXIETY AND PANIC ATTACKS I WOULD FIGURE OUT WHAT ONE EITHER ANXIETY OR ADD IS BOTHERING YOU THE MOST I WOULD THINK IT WOULD BE ANXIETY IF IT IS I WOULD GET OFF THE ADDERAL GET A BENZO FOR EMERGENCY PANIC ATTACKS. AND TRY ANXIETY MEDS IM ON EFFEXOR XR BUT ITS TRIAL AND ERROR I FEEL LIKE I WAS ALAB RAT I TRIED EVERYTHING UNDER THE SUN.WELL I COULD GO ON AND ON ABOUT ANXIETY!!!! SEE YA DANIELLE

[melodynervosa]

wow we are freakishly alike on the med department!!
i am on adderall,lamictal and xanax.
and have had failed attempts on cymbalta,lexapro and concerta.
so weird!

[Jimmy870]

I will check that book out Lil. I really appreciate all of you for taking your time to write your generous comments!

[Lil711]

For starters, you are on too many medicines, imo.  :)  The medicines themselves have side effects which can bother you and make you feel more anxious. Anxiety/panic attacks are miserable. I know, I suffered from them for years and still can have anxious times and even an attack now and then. What helped me most was reading and PRACTICING the advice in Claire Weeks' books  "Peace from Nervous Suffering" and "Hope and Help for your Nerves." There is an excellent book, "Don't Panic" and I also work with that. I have had mitral valve prolapse since my teens and only six weeks ago had open heart surgery to repair a leaking mitral valve. While I was on the bypass they discovered I had a small hole in my heart. I always had skipped beats, palpitations and great anxiety when I got older, and I know the mitral valve had something to do with this. There can be physical reasons for your anxiety so check out your cardiac profile - please DO NOT GIVE UP! This gets better as you get older. It really does. And practicing letting the fear come and not adding additional fear can really work. ACCEPTING the fear. I know how hard this is, but as you practice it will get easier. Your nerves are in a high state of arousal - please consider getting Claire Weeks' books and see if they  help you. You are going to have better days.
Lil

[radagegi]

Been there,done that
Suicidal thoughts,0 hope,depression
all anxiety/depression syndrome
Ur brain tends to think negatively

[Jimmy870]

Thank you for your helpful reply.  I will try to take your advice and do what you recommended.  I see that you've replied to a lot of comments and I respect your care and generosity for others.  I really appreciate your help and I will try my best to make things work for me.  Thank you.

[cj29]

I often felt like you after suffering my first panic attack in my mid 20's.  I was full of life, exercised everyday, involved in activities, extremely social, and very confident of my abilities.  When this happened I was confused, depressed, angry, and often thought it was not fair.  I was put on meds and of course talked it through with my psychologist, but it did not seem to help me; I fought everyone tooth and nail and remained fearful of even leaving the house.

I guess the only thing that really started to make me feel better at first was focusing my attention outward (MUCH easier said than done).  I started to volunteer, and started doing little things for my wife instead of staying in bed all day. Slowly, I started to feel better and EVENTUALLY started to come out of my shell.  But, this was the hardest thing I had ever done in my life.

I also felt ZERO hope and did not see any relief.  I came to understand there was no 'majic pill' that I could take, and realize that so much frustration came from lack of control over the situation.  I, too, at first was very skepitical about posting my problems on a forum such as this, but there are so many people on this forum that know what you are going through and actually care what happens.

I am not pretending nor do I know all of the solutions, but I do understand how one can feel utter dispair with no end in sight.  I have been there and continue to struggle with this.  At first, I did not see it, but we as humans tend to shape ourselves in these bad times, which in turn make the good times so much better.  The good times WILL eventually come, and the journey is hard as $%^&, but after years of struggling I have FINALLY started coming to some understanding of this and patience was and is the last thing on mind.

The only thing I can say, is that I do care about people with this (because I have it).  If you need to talk feel free to email me at any time.