Noise

Hi, i have a new neighbour and all in honesty they arent that noisy except in afternoon for a bit and at night when he loads his van up then theres no noise really till next morning. The house was empty for a long while prior to neighbour moving in too.
I then found out he was at same school as me where i was bullied, although not by him i might add. Since he has moved in my anxiety is sky high and every bit of nose i hear or fear. I have no appettite and im on cipralex 15mg - any help or suggestions, much appreciated . thanks

[greenlydia]

If he was not involved in bullying you, why do you fear him? Did you two even know each other at school? How long have you been out of school?
I also don't understand the issue with noise since you seem to be saying there IS no issue with it.
Since this person has apparently never done anything to harm you, your fear of him and the anxiety he is provoking in you is somewhat irrational. I would strongly suggest you get a referral to a psychotherapist and figure out what the heck is going on.
Perhaps if you just went over and introduced yourself, you would see your fear was misplaced.
Peace
Greenlydia  

[harryf]

there is issue with the banging doors of the van and the noise of banging, loading up. I have dread over anything about my secondary school, maybe i need more counselling yes

[harryf]

to answer your questions, i left school 25 years ago and i knew his brother at school but hardly knew him really

[allmymarbles]

Your anxiety is not your neighbor's problem. He is not causing  your anxiety. Your condition is. Why not get treated?

[alsky]

is moving an option for you  ?     Sometimes its easier as dealing with your situation will take time.    

[greenlydia]

Since your experience with being bullied by this persons brother happend 25 YEARS ago, I would definitely say you need more therapy. That is a very long time to carry around so much angst from the past. That merely by moving in he has caused your anxiety to skyrocket and your appetite to plummet are red flags that you should not ignore......especially since he was not the one who bullied you and no doubt would not even remeber you at all. That thinking is a bit paranoid.
Are any of your other neighbors bothered by the noise of the van being loaded? If there are, perhaps you could all elect the most diplomatic person to go speak with him and see if something could be worked out.
We have all had neighbors who do something that annoys us, it's the price of urban life. If his noise is causing you and other neighbors to lose sleep or keep babies awake and if the diplomatic approach didn't work, you have the option of filing a noise complaint with the police. Most areas have a week-day limit about noise.........out here it's 10pm and on the week-ends, it midnight. This is usually a step that doesn't foster goodwill between neighbors, though, so it's best to try and work it out.
"alsky" asked if you had the option of moving, stating that sometimes it's easier than dealing with the situation. While I have no doubt this strategy could apply in some circumstances, I think for you, harry, this would be a real mistake. You cannot outrun your past........living like some kind of fugitive.
I think there is more to this story than we know, but once again I urge you to return to therapy and deal with this situation head on. It is obviously affecting your life in a negative way and you need to pull up your socks and take care of buisness like the grown up and intelligent man you are.
Peace
Greenlydia

[harryf]

thank you so much everyone especially green lydia, you are so right. I initially thought about swapping rooms as i live at home for financial reasons, with my dad, but i decide not to as thats avoiding the issue. I am staying where I am and dealing with it in my own way and if it continues i will get more counselling.
In all honesty, i have listened to noises over the weekend and my mum and probably me without noticing it slam my car doors, they arent noisy people, i was just being irrational and my anxiety bubbled over and i shoudnt of let it. Im not good with noise in general but is anyone, i just need to tolerate it and enjoy my life and not let someone, who in all fairness, has done nothing wrong yet or ever affect my life.

[nursegirl6572]

Harry, it's good to see you're willing to explore your feelings about this and do some self reflection to realize that it is likely your buried anxities that have triggered your feelings.  Addressing these feelings with a therapist like lydia mentioned is a great idea that will probably lead you to realize that this past "trauma" could be causing you more stress in your life than you even knew.

Good luck...let us know how you're doing!