Not in control

I dont know whats wrong with me because i always thought i was normal. I recently got in a relationship with a person who is tough love. If it wasnt for him i would have never noticed im a nut case. I have always thought i was normal til this year. I dont know how to stop my racing thoughts and anxiety. I am always trying to find something wrong with my boyfriend so i can have drama in my life. And its weird cuz i dont like drama. I make impulsive moves that affects my children and me which then gives me a short relieve from anxiety but then comes back. I cant stand myself right now and im going to see a med. doc tomorow but im soo scared im going to become someone else. I dont know any other way to live because this is the way i have lived since i can remember because my mother made alot of stupid impulsive decisions. I have controlling issues and i dont know what i want. I say i want to be by myself but when i try after a day im having anxiety attaches and have nervous breakdowns. Has anyone ever experienced all this?

[theotterone]

Find a good doctor who can not only help you medically, but with recomendations for therapy.  I have dealt with this for 20 years (I am 34) and as a mother of 2 girls, I sympathize.  The first medication may not work, the important thing to remember is to keep working with a doctor and never stop your meds when you feel "better" and "in control".  I can't tell you how many times I thought I was "ok now" and stopped because of it.  The crash is worse than the condition.

Hang in there!  You will get it worked out!

[silverberg]

Always remember you are NORMAL, never ever say different! this is why you are normal, because you know there is something that is wrong and your willing to correct it. good for your BF for the tough love stance, this keeps him safe and lets you know that something needs to be worked on, I found myself going off on my partner, during times I was stressed, why ? because he was the cloeset person around and that ANXIETY I did not want to turn into Panic so I vented and felt better (for a moment) then realized I had hurt the person I cared for.

You are not a NUT CASE, nut cases do not know they need to work on issues. keep moving forward, I always recommend other treatments, before Meds. Always remember allot of support here!

[cj29]

I have to agree with the above posters.  I was intially agains any forms of medication or talk therapy.  I have used both and they have not changed who I am...except for the better in my opinion.  I also agree that talk therapy is the most important step that you can take in confronting this.  While medications can be a very useful tool in my opinion, they will not 'cure' you of anything.  To gain long term relief from this, you must gain the long term knowledge about it.   You recognize and accept the problem, which in my opinion is one of the hardest things one can do and you have already done that....keep us posted!