OCD - Anyone else like this?

Hi, I think that I suffer from OCD - just pure obsession - no compulsions and i was wondering if anyone could help or tell me if they feel the same.  My problem is that I have this complete terror of contracting hiv and I am too scared to even go for an hiv test because I am absolutely convinced that it will come back positive and then I won't know what to do with myself.  Any little problem my partner gets I am convinced is HIV.  I think about hiv all the time and am so clued up on it I could be an expert.  And yet even though I know all these rational fact and figures and statistics about it I am still terrified of it.  I cheated on my partner last year whilst he was living in another country and am now convinced that I have HIV, the person I was with I sort of know and I have asked him to the point where he thinks I am crazy about his HIV status, he has told me over and over again that he is negative and yet it doesn't seem to make a difference.  I have completed driven this person away by my constant questioning of his answers and no doubt my questioning his honesty and integrity.  I mean we also used a condom so it is not like I was completed foolish.  But still I think aout ridiculous scenarios though which I might have contracted hiv and then I start doubting scientists assertions that condoms protect you from the virus etc etc.
I feel so alone at the moment I don't know what to do.  I obviously haven't discussed any of this with my partner and I would really love it if there is anyone out there who could help me or tell me if I am just plain crazy.
Thanks

[Jade59]

Ok honey, your just plain crazy.  Just kidding sweetie, please take a girlfriend or your sister, someone your close to and get that HIV test.  You will be stressed out big time until you get your negative results.  Wont that be worth the peace of mind?  Beleive me, you are not alone in feeling this way.  

[marciej]

I know what you are going thru, I was to say the least not very careful in my younger days there were so many nights I wish I could take back. I always had anxiety that I was going to die. Even ended up at the emergency room one night thinking it was over. Diagnossed with anxiety I couldn't believe it. Had to take meds for awhile and finally got off them.Then at 36 now married and having fertility issues they made me and my husband take every test under the sun, HIV Hep a,b,c, and everything else. I was so scared that not only I was going to find out I was right all this time and did have a fatel disease but probibly gave it to my husband. Thank God I am ok and I have to tell you the world looked so different after my results. The sky was bluer and grass was greener. I know that if I would of had bad news things would have changed. At least I could have started treatments to increase my life expectancy and quality. Bottom line is you need to know and most likly you are going to be fine and feel so much better.

[confused426]

Hey frankie,

I was just about to log off the comp when i read your post. Almost two years ago i decided to get tested for HIV before i met my fiancee. I agonized over the descision for months. that coupled with anxiety that i normally had, and extreme anxiety about the disease caused me to get shingles! When i went to the dermatologist who had 17 years of practice behind her belt, she told me that rarely does she she young people my age get it from just worrying alone,. Usually they have a compromised immune system from a variety of different things. But when i was tested it was painless, the hard part was the wait. All the other std tests came back on time, but the hiv one took a little longer so i almost freaked out. It turned out that they hadnt started it yet because of the coming holiday, they were backed up to get things done. Everything came back non reactive which means negative and i felt so much better about it. Just do it, trust me, the peace of mind afterward is priceless. dont be afraid and take a freind with you to help you through--- you might also want to let the doctor know how nervous you are about it.

best of luck

[confused426]

oh and let me know how it goes.... im on here if you want to talk about it. I know the worrying on that one can literally make you sick. again good luck :)

[tototo]

OH man i feel the same why i actually take medication for anxiety
celexa but not to long ago i always started having feelings i have hiv
i always used protection but never when getting oral and thats through numerous girls back when i was 17 18 now i have a girlfriend and these
fears are getting soo much stronger iam thinking iam not going to have kids or have a big family and anytime i get a mark or spot on my body iam convinced its hiv... and iam haveing the same problems iam terrified too go to the doctors because i know it will be bad and if it were i dunt know what i would do... i wish the grass looked greener and the sky bluer.... and i have coughs i dont always feel well rested after more than enough sleep i cough up dirty nasty stuff my mouth is always dry lips always chapped ive seen a rash on my arm and chest little flat red ones not raised but iam wondering if thats because i smoke lots of pot about 4 joints a day for the past year and a bit am i frying my brain and body or do i have hiv??? this is what i have to fight with everyday and its stressful very very stressful maybe thats y iam getting some of these symtoms (symptoms) sooo your not alone