Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

[Sister743]

My sister has OCD and won't seek  professional help.  She doesn't feel there is anything wrong with her.  She says I'm the one who needs help.  She did talk to her Primary Care Physician about it a few years ago.  Of course I don't know what was said, but she has told me she's on meds for OCD, but I don't see a difference in her.  In my opinion, she needs more help than just meds.  She needs behavorial therapy.  I can see that over the years and no treatment has lead to the addition of more and more obsessions and compulsions. Is this the pattern of people with OCD if no treatment is sought?  She is a very childlike person and she is in her 50's.  I've noticed that in her attempt to be a more assertive person she has become an agressive person.  The manifestation of her illness is in the area of cleaning and checking things she even mumbles to herself.  She can't stop cleaning and checking things and takes a very long time to complete a task.  She's a very dependent person especially on her husband and he enables her to stay the way she is.  I, myself, have generalized anxiety -- I don't have OCD.  Obviously anxiety disorders are  in our genetic make up.  Her young adult son exhibits signs of Tourette's Syndrome making snorting noises, constantly clearing his throat, checks his food and picks things out of his plate, and twitching his neck quite severly.  I don't feel I can have a relationship with my sister.  I don't know how to without it affecting my mental health and well being.  She's a very controlling person.  She is younger than I and is always trying to tell me what to do regarding the care of our elderly parents and incinuates I do nothing for our parents, when I do so much more than she does for them, but she truly thinks she does the most and is always on my case about it or assigns tasks for me to do for them.  I won't do what she asks of me because she's trying to control me.  We do nothing but fight with each other.  Years ago I would have told anyone "My sister and I are very close."  And then I realized one day that I was close to her because I did everything her way in order to keep the peace between us and then there came a day when I said no more!  We now don't even like each other.  She has chosen to clean our parents house, but her husband does most of the cleaning because he does anything she asks of him.  Most everyday chores are overwhelming to her.  She feels I don't do enough for our parents when I manage my parents lives for them because they are no longer able to.  JUST CLEANING for my parents seems to be the "be all and end all" of her responsibility for our parents.  She also takes them to their doctor appointments because I work.  Our parents are in their 90's and are in good physical health so there are not that many doctor appointments.  I feel very guilty for not having a relationship with her because she's my sister, but I don't feel I can have a relationship with her because she is manipulative, agressive, controlling, stretches out a story until it drives the listener crazy because she doesn't get to the point, and her conversations are very boring and rather silly given her age.  She doesn't work outside the home and seems to have no purpose or interests in life.  I do work outside the home and she thinks I'm a slacker.  She doesn't acknowlege she has a mental problem, and her immediate family continues to live with her this way enabling her to stay in this awful mental state controlled by OCD.  She seems to have narcassistic tendencies.  Are OCD people narcassistic?  I'm also wondering if she has a Personality Disorder.  Her personality is so haughty, resentful, vindictive and seems to be directed at me.  How does one have a relationship with a person like this who doesn't recognize they have a problem?  I don't feel I can in order to keep myself in a healthy state, but feel guilty about my decision to emotionally divorce my own sister.  I'd appreciate hearing what you have to say about my situation.  

[Sister743]

Cori,  it was so nice of you to acknowledge my story, especially since I wrote it I've fellt a little embarrassed thinking -- "Oh my gosh -- I've told every ear I can get about my problem with my sister and now I've resorted to strangers on the internet!"  I think I'm constantly seeking affirmation of my situation because of the guilt I feel because she's MY SISTER.   For you to say "You seem to have hit the nail on the head with everything you've said" is again another affirmtioon that the situation is REAL and NOT MY FAULT because she holds me responsible for the saddness in her life.  You are so right I would be there for her if she were to seek professional help.  I would welcome seeing a therapist together, but she doesn't want to.  I think her and her husband are afraid that one step might open up a whole can of worms that may cross over to their relationship as him being the enabler for so many years.  Friends, and even professionals, have told me it's my sister who has make the first step and seek help or make the first step to ask me to seek help with her.  She will not listen to me.  Thank you, Cori, for caring enough to respond and, yes, it does help!  

[be still my beating heart 13]

I am sorry to hear about your situation with your sister!  You seem have hit the nail on the head with everything you've said.  At this point you are at a stand still with the relationship.  If she refuses to admit she has a problem and get help, things may only get worse from here.  You sound like you would be there for her if she were to seek professional help, even after all you two have been through.  My only advice to you is to tell your sister that your relationship really matters to you, that even she has to admit that there is a problem with your "communication skills", and that maybe you two should go see a relationship specialist/family therapist.  The doctor might be able to convince her that she really does need alot of work in that department, maybe even address her obvious OCD, and be able to help you learn how to deal with such a person.  I myself have never experienced such a problem, so take this advice with a grain of salt.  I was just so moved by your story, and being that noone had responded to you as yet, I thought I would give it a try.  I hope this helps and that you felt well today!

Cori