I am 16 weeks with my first child. I decided that im not going to take any meds during my pregnancy just to stay on the safe side. So, my anxiety has been through the roof.
I decided that I don't want a baby shower, but would rather have a "welcome to the world" open house baby shower after the baby is born. I read alot on it and people will do it 4-6 weeks after the baby comes.
The problem is evryone is making me feel horrible for this. & I understand I don't have what I need for the baby...& i get that everything is expensive but i feel it's best for me & baby to not stress as much as possible. My fiance's mother thinks its "stupid' not to have one. & my Fiance says his (huge) family always come the day after the babies born..(which i think is kinda rude considering we just got the baby home) but he says its always been that way.
I wish my anxiety wasnt so bad, cause I would love a baby shower...My coping skills work at home... but as soon as I think of something or right before an event I get so nervous it gets way out of control no matter how hard I try to minimize it.
My fiance's mother also says i need to "get out of that" "stop being anti-social" she doesn't understand, I want to be social and outgoing...but with alot of people I get panic attacks, hyperventilate and so on. Its hard, and I hate that I am this way I just wish they would understand.
The only one that is supportive of me is my mother....she thinks the "welcome to the world" is a great idea considering how severe my anxiety can get.
I feel like such a horrible person, am I wrong? I am very grateful for anyone wanting to throw me a shower, its just I dont know how far i should push it, my body and my baby can only handle so much....im worried if i get too anxious its not good for the baby.
It's your life and your baby, and I think a "welcome to the world" party is a wonderful idea. Tell the people who want to throw you a shower that you would love for them to be a part of the "welcome to the world" party when you are able to enjoy it. Family tend to forget who this is all about, their intentions are good, but they should respect your wishes. Talk to your husband and tell him that the three of you don't need a bunch of people showing up the day after the baby is born, he needs to be in agreement so he can talk to his family. Your first day alone with the baby as a family is special and over-whelming, explain this to your husband. You will not feel like entertaining these people. This isn't about what they want or what is their tradition, you now have a family and want to start your own traditions. The important thing is that you get thru this pregnancy with as little stress as possible, so don't be afraid to put your foot down. It's wonderful that you've chosen to do this without medication, people need to back off and be more understanding and respectful of your feelings. Don't allow them to make you feel bad, you're doing what is right for you and the baby. They will have an opportunity to celebrate at the "welcome to the world" party. Just tell everyone how much you appreciate them wanting to throw you a shower, and they can do this at your party when you are ready and feeling up to it.
Thank you, your post really makes me feel so much better.......although i feel like crying right now which is probably my pregnancy hormones running wild. He made it seem like well thats what theyre going to do. I will talk with about it and most definately will put my foot down....I cant stress about it anymore..people just need to understand. its my life. Thank you again so much for your input.
Hi! You are going to hear from someone that could easily be your Grandmother (I'm 71 age wise, but 40 inside )and since I am sure that your mom taught you to listen to your elders, I will share MY view. I am glad that your own mom understands, and I also think the "welcome to the world" shower is a really neat idea.
Try to talk to those who are so intent on the "before" shower, and try your best to work it out, with maybe a compromise of some sort. Print out articles of what stress for YOU can do to the mental and physical health of your baby, as well as to you. Surely they want what is best for the baby, as well as for you.
While it REALLY should be your choice, you also need to remember that these people are going to be a very important part of your new family, and you have a whole lifetime to reap the rewards of whatever seeds you sow now - be they good seeds or bad seeds. And not only will you and your fiance/husband have to live with the "feelings" of the others, so will your child, and you want the BEST for your child, so think about it.
You might limit a small shower to maybe 6-8 (or less) family members and have someone else do EVERYTHING - all you do is show up. You could take a natural stress reducer just before the shower. Make it last only ONE hour and stick to it.
Another thing, since you do not want to take meds, check out some "Natural" stress reducers, like: "Calms" made by the Hyland company (SmartNutrition.info) - I get it at Drug Emporium (My 10 yo daughter** has panic attacks, and it works GREAT for her); or Native Remedies(also online) has several items - like "Mood Calm", "Pure Calm", and others. These people are very knowledgable about what to take for what ailment you have. They will all let you know if it is safe to take while pregnant.
**And YES I do have a 10 year old daughter - I adopted a 3 day old drug addicted baby when I was age 60! I have 9 kids - 5 are adopted special need kids. All but the 10 yo are married and grandparents!
Pray diligently for God to give you wisdom to help you make the right decisions and to make sure your baby is born healthy.This is the MOST IMPORTANT thing you can do, for not only you and the baby, but also for all concerned.
You can also talk to your doctor, and have him/her write a note on letterhead or on an "Rx" pad, to your family advising you NOT to be placed under any stress while pregnant, surely they won't expect you to go against your doctor's advice . . . .
May God bless you and protect you and the baby from any wrong decisions. Please, keep us all posted, we love you and care about you!
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