Please don't judge....

[mandapanda928]

Sometimes when i get mad or upset or i feel like I've done something wrong i hit myself in the face or i pull my hair. I know it's stupid I'm a 21 year old woman and it's pathetic but I can't help it. I don't know what else to do when i get angry. I do have Borderline Personality Disorder so i know this is an impulse directed at myself. But it's beginning to make me really upset, is this something that i can tell my therapist? I never used to just get snapping anger outbursts at myself but it just happens when i get really upset, is there anything i can do about this? I am on medication, obviously it's not working too well. Also I have crying outbursts if i feel like I've hurt anyone's feelings in any kind of way , i feel like i should be punished. Or if I'm frustrated i just start crying and sobbing, for long periods of time. I don't eat a lot then sometimes I can't stop eating. I have the worst diet i don't eat healthy or i feel to sick to eat a lot of the time. I have major stomach problems, sometimes can't go to the bathroom, my stomach always hurts, is in knots. I have feelings a lot of being worthless, wish i was invisible, don't ever feel good enough. (this happens when I'm really depressed). I have the biggest fear of hospitals so if i feel really really sick i won't go. I most of the time feel like I'm in my own head , i think way too much and over analyze.
And if I'm feeling really really bad sometimes i throw up to punish myself.
Help? or opinions? Does anyone else ever feel these ways or am i a lone?

[JGF25]

Absolutely...they can't fix what is not working in your life unless they know about it.    Good luck.  

[mandapanda928]

Thankyou very much. I am getting a new therapist and hopefully it will be a learning experience and i will know that i can say anything and be open. I guess it's really hard to get help when they don't know what needs to be helped.

[JGF25]

I'm sure you are not alone and honestly, what are you paying that therapist for in the first place?  You can tell them everything and anything and in all likelihood they have already heard it before from someone else.  So next visit, get all this out so that he/she can start helping you with your problems.  You have a whole life ahead of you....get help for the problems you are facing so that you can hopefully move on with a better life than what you are leading now.