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Please help I am scared and crying
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Please help I am scared and crying

PLEASE DON'T BE PUT OFF BY ALL THE TEXT PLEASE READ I REALLY NEED HELP!  I am a 18 year old male and I've been worrying so much for the past 8 weeks it's ruining my life.  (Note I've posted in the STD forum already).

8 weeks ago I had an unprotected sexual encounter with a man I didn't know.  He performed fellatio and annilingus on me, he fingered me briefly and there was very brief genital-genital contact where our penises touched (for less than a minute).  I'm sure no fluids were exchanged (other than saliva I suppose) and he had no sores/abnormalities on his mouth or penis.  This is the first time I've had sexual contact.

3 days after the encounter I developed a small rash on my penis.  I have a history of eczema, and when I went to the GUM clinic two separate doctors identified the rash as dry skin.  They did a herpes swab anyway, which came back negative, and told me just to moisturise it.

3 weeks following the encounter I started having the frequent urge to urinate.  I went to the GUM clinic again and they did a urethral swab and urine test, both of which came back negative.  The frequent urination continued, so after another week I went to get another STD test.   They did a blood test, swab of the urethra and urine test, all of which came back negative.

The weekend following this test I went home from university and during this period the frequent urination stopped.  It then started again in week 5 after the encounter.  I went to the doctor and he tested my urine and said it was neither diabetes nor a urinary tract infection.  After another week the frequent urination stopped and I haven't had it since.  The break in the symptom makes me feel as though this isn't connected to an STD but I thought I should include it to be sure.

At the beginning of week 6 after the encounter I started developing slight discomfort in my anus.
There was prolonged burning/general discomfort after bowel movements at first, and 3 days after this started I decided to check my anus in the mirror and noticed a segment of the anus was slightly puffy/swollen and at the end of this swelling, at the opening inside the anus is a single tiny pink bump.  The burning stopped after the 3 days but the swelling remained.  This didn't hurt or itch, nor was their blood in my stools.  It felt soft to touch, and the only trouble it has caused is sometimes it felt like something was stuck in my anus (this is the best I can describe it, I'm sorry!)

I went to the GUM clinic again and the bump was examined by a nurse and a doctor, both of whom said it didn't look like herpes.  The doctor swabbed it anyway, but he assured me it was neither herpes nor genital warts (nor a haemorrhoid).
The swab came back negative for herpes, both HSV1 and HSV2, and syphilis.

I went back to the GUM clinic in week 7 out of worry as the swelling grew, and I told the doctor I hadn't had an anal swab for chlamydia or gonorrhea so was worried it might be that.  He did the swab and it has come back negative too.
Since then the swelling has gone down slightly, but is still present and occasionally causing the minimal discomfort I described earlier.  I went to another doctor in week 8 who told me it was the normal anatomy of the anus.

This is now week 8 after the encounter.  I've started feeling burning in the crease between my thighs and groin (it started yesterday before I went to sleep but I tried to ignore it, and now I've woken up and had a shower it is definitely noticeable).

Posting this in the STD forum I was told that it was probably anxiety and I'm at a low risk for everything.

I'm absolutely terrified.  I can't concentrate on work and I'm not sleeping well and everyone has noticed how down I've been lately, I just feel like killing myself I can't take it anymore.  My main concern in herpes and this burning seems to match up.  I can't see any lesions but I've read on the internet that you can have herpes symptoms where it's just burning and then it goes away.  Does this sound like herpes?  This is the first time I've done anything sexual and I'm terrified that on my first try I might have contracted something.  I feel so much regret and guilt.
Please help me I'm so scared.
7 Comments Post a Comment
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480448_tn?1397235344
Hello and welcome.

I'm sorry you're in such emotional agony over this.  From what you described, you really didn't have much of a risk for any STD, and no risk at ALL for STDs like HIV.  Your encounter was pretty safe.

When anxiety becomes severe and all consuming, it's hard to accept information as it is being presented.  You've visited the GUM clinic multiple times, and to date, all indications (INCLUDING very reliable tests) are that you're free of any STD, including herpes.  You must try to accept that information as factual.

Being that this was your first real sexual encounter, you are most likely struggling with confusion, guilt, and regret, which is normal.  Are you openly gay?  If not, that could also be creating some turmoil for you as well, being that your experience was with a man.

There's a few things you can do...ONE, you need to stop searching the internet, as that is only fueling your anxiety.  That's honestly the worst thing you could do.  Secondly, your anxiety is at crisis levels, with mention of suicidal thoughts.  That means it is time to seek some professional help, ASAP.  Normally, a small amount of anxiety over these kinds of situations would be expected to resolve, but yours is off the charts, causing you very high levels of stress and worry, to the point where thoughts of suicide have entered your mind.  That isn't good, and it isn't anything to mess with.

From an STD standpoint, I don't see one thing of concern for you to still be worried about.  From an emotional standpoint, you are struggling and need to seek help soon.  You can ask your family doc for a referral to a psychiatrist, who can discuss various treatment options with you.

You're young, and only just starting to explore the sexual arena.  With exploration comes negative feelings along with the positive ones, especially if you happen to be dealing with being homosexual, that's not an easy situation, and sadly it causes a lot of anxiety and worry in people, especially if you haven't come out yet.  Therapy would be great in that regard for you also, as you can discuss and explore your sexuality in more detail.  I would encourage you to embrace your new sexual experiences, it is a time when you can learn a lot about yourself...and you should be enjoying the new sensations you will experience.  As long as you stay committed to safe sex (condoms for any insertive sex, oral sex is personal preference), you will never have much to worry about as far as STDs are concerned.

Best to you, hope you can start to relax about all of this...let us know when your first appt is to see either a psychiatrist, or therapist.  
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136956_tn?1363091289
If you have been tested that many times you 100% do not have an STD. Everything seems to be fine as per all the tests you have had and that was a lot of them.

I see that you are scared and this might have scared you enough to remember next time to use protection.

You have anxiety over this and the anxiety is what is causing the symptoms you are describing. The more you worry the more your body is going to react. You are clear of any STD it seems by all the testing so in my opinion I really would stop stressing if you have one, listen to what the doctors and tests have said. Trust me they would be positive if you had one and you would know it.

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Avatar_f_tn
Thankyou so much both I have since calmed down and am taking steps to deal with my anxiety.
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Avatar_m_tn
relax and even if you had std, there are lots good meds, the prb that I would worry and start treating will  be anxiety....and dont worry they got something for it , you young and be happy experience anything you want as long as you dont feel quilt or shame...
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480448_tn?1397235344
You don't have an STD, don't even continue to think along those lines.

Hopefully you've put this behind you!
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Avatar_m_tn
Wow medren that is just an awful introduction to sexual relationships. I am so sorry this has happened. If there is a man you trust in your family-your doctor-- or friends---if you are in school perhaps a teacher or counselor---that you can talk to about this it will help.   Is there a clinic where you can go for counseling----do you have insurance to use for some therapy with this---. You don't need to reply----just something to think about because there is a whole lot more here than the worry over stds etc. that you need help dealing with. I am guessing you might know what i mean?
     So first thing is to deal with suicidal issues. And i mean right away---call a hotline for referral maybe to someone in your area. But talk to someone please. You will feel so much better after things clear up a little.
     And it will be good for you to read nursegirl's post a few times--there is a lot there that can help you.
    Ok?  You are going to be ok and there will be some great sex in the future.  Medren---consider this if you want as a sex encounter----but you still have not "made Love" yet! You still have that First to share with someone you love.    omhome
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Avatar_m_tn
Medren----it is reasonable to feel some "regret and guilt" but not so reasonable to dwell on that for too long. And you say you have "since calmed down".  Good.  You are "normal"!  Ha!  
    The only thing wrong you did as ticked mentioned was to be unprotected.
I question the "stranger" thing but some folks like the excitement of that.
And now your adventure will continue. And you still have the excitement of a First Love to look forward to. Enjoy your years at university---a wonderful time of life!    omhome
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