Racing Thoughts

I am 20 year old female, and sometimes I feel like I am going to have a nervous breakdown. I am not sure exactly what is wrong with me but something (or things) is wrong w/me. I have many racing thoughts that dont stop, no crazy thoughts, they are all normal (good and bad) but theres just too many of them at once. Most of them are important, many of them are pointless, but all of them are in my mind at once, almost everyday. It is so exhausting, & irritating.  I write a lot of things down (some pointless things some not) and I have been wasting my life, standing still, with my racing thoughts, my planning, writing, thinking so much, and talking. I also have an issue with anger, I have a bad temper. I dont go crazy, i just cuss a lot. I have done my research, and talked to my therapist and we both agree that theres different things affecting me right now, but it is mostly resulting in anxiety, mild depression, & maybe post-traumatic stress.I have always looked and acted normal, by that i mean I have always been energetic, social, and in check w/my emotions, depending on what kind of day I was having/what i was going through in my life. I take care of myself, physically, spiritually, emotionally, but inside, mentally, there is something not right. I dont have add, im not bipolar, I dont hear voices, I dont have panic attacks etc. I have read many different disorders but I dont have enough of any one thing to be diagnosed with one of them. I have gone through some rough things in my childhood which is where I believe my anger comes from. I made many mistakes as I a rebellious teenager. But the thing that has affected me the most is my 2 year relationship, with my ex-fiancee that just ended 3 months ago. All that I have explained started few months before & after my relationship ended, this is another topic but it very much relates with whats happening to me. Aside from all my 1000's of racing thoughts/stress about him & other things, I'm going through a cycle dealing with my break-up; anger, guilt, sadness, and peacefulness. I  have better days, some days I feel like a stronger woman, but other days I start feeling scared, exhausted, &  despite my "anger issues" underneath my frowns, I am very sad inside. I dont take meds, I tried to once about a year ago, (for depression/anxiety) & it made me a very indifferent, person, 1month later I threw them away & I decided I would be stronger without meds. And It was a struggle but I made it through, w/exercise, good diet, therapy, support from loved ones, including my ex-fiancee. I feel very lost and confused, and I would really appreciate any advice.  

[astou]

I AM SO SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH. THE RACING THOUGHTS ARE HORRIBLE, ANNOYING AND DOWN RIGHT  STRESSFUL. SOME OF US IN THIS WORLD ARE DEALT WITH THIS MENTAL DISORDER  BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT IT IS NOT GOING TO LAST FOREVER. YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING BY TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF EMOTIONALLY, PHYSICALLY, KEEP DOING THAT. I AM NOT GOING TO TELL YOU THE RACING THOUGHTS THAT I WAS HAVING 6 WEEKS AGO, THEY WERE NOT POSITIVE, THEY WERE HORRIBLE, I THOUGHT THAT I WAS POSSESSED BY THE DEVIL AND I WAS GOING TO END UP IN A NUT HOUSE SOMEWHERE, UNTIL I CAME ACCROSS THIS FORUM AND THEN  REALLY I FORGOT THAT I HAD ANXIETY/ PANIC ATTACK, BECAUSE I FELT SO BAD FOR OTHER PEOPLE WHO ARE GOING THROUGH IT.  I HAVE BEEN SEEING A THERAPIST FOR 6 WEEKS NOW AND  I FEEL MUCH MUCH BETTER .  I AM NOT ON ANY MEDS. DO NOT GIVE, KEEP SEEING YOUR THERAPIST A.ND MAKE SURE YOU BE HONEST, IT HELPS A LOT WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT YOUR THOUGHTS, BELIEVE I KNOW.

I WISH  YOU ALL THE BEST AND I KNOW THAT YOU ARE GOING TO FIGHT HARD