Aa
Really need help in trying to figure out what is going on please!
About ten years ago when I was 19 and had no fear I was a drug user. Several nights after smoking some marijuana I started having some really scary experiences. I had started to notice that when I smoked marijuana I would go in to these weird attacks. I don’t think they were panic attacks because it felt more like some kind of brain attack. They made me feel like nothing I have ever felt before and they were really scary. I was also experimenting with meth at this time and did not have any of these weird attacks while on meth. One night while using cocaine I went into one of these attacks and the feeling was horrible. I was sitting on my buddies couch and all of the sudden it was like something snapped in my head and I got this huge rush and my head felt really messed up. It was really like a major out of body experience and it was the scariest thing I have ever experienced in my life. I did not say a word to my buddies, I just go up and left. I do not remember driving home, I just remember I thought I was gonna start screaming cause of the way I felt . I have no idea how I fell asleep that night. The next day I got up and I was still having the attack, I just felt like I was constantly on the verge of dying and it scared the hell out of me… I could barely leave my bed after that. So I went to the doctor and they said I was having anxiety issues which I desperately wanted to believe because I had a lot of the symptoms. But in the back of my mind because of the way my head felt I just couldn’t see anxieties causing all this. All the SSRI pills that were prescribed to me eventually sent me to the ER with weird side effects. I even had side effects from taking benzos and according to the doctors if I was having anxieties these pills would really help and they did not. When I took a benzo and it started to kick in, it would do something to my head and I would get this weird feeling through my whole body and than my body and mind would feel blank and the whole attack process would start all over again. I seem to have some reaction to fish oil and hydroxyzine too. I don’t think these attacks are psychological. After months of laying around and being scared to leave my bed I decided to try alcohol and it seemed to help tremendously. (I find this really weird because of how I was reacting to the pills) So I started drinking pretty heavily and I felt like I finally found relief from whatever was going on in with my head. I was able to start working again and met my wife and had a child, and things looked better and better year after year. That was about to change.
About a year ago after a night of hard partying I started feeling really weird. I went to a movie and was eating greasy popcorn and drinking soda and the feeling got worse. I tried to shake off the feeling by leaving the movie and walking around in the halls and than I was hit with a panic attack. I called someone to come pick me up because I could barely walk and I thought I was going to die. When I got home I was a real mess and could not stop puking. I started to feel a little better over the next few days and a couple of weeks later after a long weekend of partying Friday and Saturday night I went into another attack completely different than the one I had at the movie theater. It felt like my soul was sucked out of my body and I was staring at myself. It was creepy and weird. I went home and started puking again. Since than my life has changed drastically. I have not been able to work. I thought maybe it was the alcohol but I have not had any alcohol since than and I am still having these strange feelings in my head. Why does it seem like the alcohol made it better for so many years and now made it worse?
I want to add that throughout those ten years I still felt like something was wrong or something just was not right with my head. These feelings affect me every day. I cannot even just watch tv. If I do not get
enough sleep the feelings are worse the next day. Here is a list of my symptoms and feelings:
-My brain feels damaged. I get these waves of sensations in my head like pressure traveling from one ear to the other.
- When I am around strong chemicals I feel like my brain is trying to protect me somehow from feeling high and going into on of those brain attacks -Sometimes when on the computer or something I get the sensation my brain is trying to pull my head forward and throw it to the ground.
-I feel really detached from everything like my head is not on my shoulders or my hands are not real. - I look in the mirror and feel like I am not there or that I am looking at a ghost.
- When I am wearing my glasses it trips me out cause it seems to make that feeling worse so I rarely wear them. -If I am really trying to concentrate on doing something like playing a video game I feel really weird and awkward afterwards. I am even feeling kind of weird typing this.
-I wake up in the middle of the night with every single muscle in my legs twitching and I can barely walk. -Lots of muscle twitching through out the day in arms and legs and weird feelings in the back, chest
and throat.
-Everyday I feel like I am dying and I get feelings of unreality, like I am gonna freak out and go insane at any moment.
-Some days I feel extremely fatigued -I wake up in the middle of the night feeling like I am gonna forget everything so I will do math problems
in my head so I know I have my memory.
-Can never be alone cause of the way my body and head feel all the time
-Ears feel like they constantly need to pop - Eyes and head will feel strained sometimes --Back hurts a lot
-I go into these attacks where I just feel like I am going to die and they pretty much drop me, all I can do is lay down and overcome them.
-Sensitivity to light.
-Some mornings I feel extremely confused like I do not know what is going on and I feel really shaky and cannot even hold my phone still unless I am using 2 hands or holding it in a different position
-Seem to have weird reactions to benzos and anything that messes with my head. I will not take any narcotics because afraid of the effect they will have on my condition. I am afraid I wont even be able to handle anestathia if anything ever happened to me.
-Irregular heart rhythm if I lay down in a certain position…rate at around 90 to 110 bpm sometimes it is at 72 bpm
-Really bad pulsing in my head that wont stop.
- Increase in heart rate and blood pressure when I stand up
-I have had several tests done which have come back normal (ie blood work, eeg, ekg, mri )
-Constant feeling of blood rushing to my head.
-I feel like my shoulders and arms are trembling all the time on the inside. –I clench my jaw a lot and clench things with my hands…the worse my head feels..the more I clench.
-My vision is all messed up also. Some thing seem to vibrate that are really bright or really busy.
About a year ago after a night of hard partying I started feeling really weird. I went to a movie and was eating greasy popcorn and drinking soda and the feeling got worse. I tried to shake off the feeling by leaving the movie and walking around in the halls and than I was hit with a panic attack. I called someone to come pick me up because I could barely walk and I thought I was going to die. When I got home I was a real mess and could not stop puking. I started to feel a little better over the next few days and a couple of weeks later after a long weekend of partying Friday and Saturday night I went into another attack completely different than the one I had at the movie theater. It felt like my soul was sucked out of my body and I was staring at myself. It was creepy and weird. I went home and started puking again. Since than my life has changed drastically. I have not been able to work. I thought maybe it was the alcohol but I have not had any alcohol since than and I am still having these strange feelings in my head. Why does it seem like the alcohol made it better for so many years and now made it worse?
I want to add that throughout those ten years I still felt like something was wrong or something just was not right with my head. These feelings affect me every day. I cannot even just watch tv. If I do not get
enough sleep the feelings are worse the next day. Here is a list of my symptoms and feelings:
-My brain feels damaged. I get these waves of sensations in my head like pressure traveling from one ear to the other.
- When I am around strong chemicals I feel like my brain is trying to protect me somehow from feeling high and going into on of those brain attacks -Sometimes when on the computer or something I get the sensation my brain is trying to pull my head forward and throw it to the ground.
-I feel really detached from everything like my head is not on my shoulders or my hands are not real. - I look in the mirror and feel like I am not there or that I am looking at a ghost.
- When I am wearing my glasses it trips me out cause it seems to make that feeling worse so I rarely wear them. -If I am really trying to concentrate on doing something like playing a video game I feel really weird and awkward afterwards. I am even feeling kind of weird typing this.
-I wake up in the middle of the night with every single muscle in my legs twitching and I can barely walk. -Lots of muscle twitching through out the day in arms and legs and weird feelings in the back, chest
and throat.
-Everyday I feel like I am dying and I get feelings of unreality, like I am gonna freak out and go insane at any moment.
-Some days I feel extremely fatigued -I wake up in the middle of the night feeling like I am gonna forget everything so I will do math problems
in my head so I know I have my memory.
-Can never be alone cause of the way my body and head feel all the time
-Ears feel like they constantly need to pop - Eyes and head will feel strained sometimes --Back hurts a lot
-I go into these attacks where I just feel like I am going to die and they pretty much drop me, all I can do is lay down and overcome them.
-Sensitivity to light.
-Some mornings I feel extremely confused like I do not know what is going on and I feel really shaky and cannot even hold my phone still unless I am using 2 hands or holding it in a different position
-Seem to have weird reactions to benzos and anything that messes with my head. I will not take any narcotics because afraid of the effect they will have on my condition. I am afraid I wont even be able to handle anestathia if anything ever happened to me.
-Irregular heart rhythm if I lay down in a certain position…rate at around 90 to 110 bpm sometimes it is at 72 bpm
-Really bad pulsing in my head that wont stop.
- Increase in heart rate and blood pressure when I stand up
-I have had several tests done which have come back normal (ie blood work, eeg, ekg, mri )
-Constant feeling of blood rushing to my head.
-I feel like my shoulders and arms are trembling all the time on the inside. –I clench my jaw a lot and clench things with my hands…the worse my head feels..the more I clench.
-My vision is all messed up also. Some thing seem to vibrate that are really bright or really busy.
I get these feelings all the time and honestly they scare the crap out of me.. I kind of just want to die when I have them. I have been on paxil for 8 long years and i am expriencing them again but my fist time ever having one was when I smoked marijuauna. So I swore I wouold never smoke it again. And I didnt. But havent done any other drugs in my life an I still get them. This is why I went on paxil in the first place honeslty scared me to death. I am currently getting off of paxil Im on 15mg for the past two weeks before that it was 20mg.. I dont know if just 5mg makes these drastic changes for me but i hate it. I am going to be trying celexa.
One of the more common causes of DP/DR is anxiety. It can also be caused by some neurological conditions, such as seizure disorder, certain drugs can induce DR/DP as well. Since you've already had a negative Neuro work-up, I think it's wise to look at the most likely cause, which could very well be anxiety, as you have a lot of anxiety-related symptoms.
You could always get a second medical opinion, but I think it also would be helpful for you to start addressing the anxiety with a professional.
I found some very thorough info on DR/DP causes, etc online....it's great to read:
"Derealization can accompany the neurological conditions of epilepsy, migraine, and mild head injury. There is a similarity between visual hypo-emotionality, a reduced emotional response to viewed objects, and derealization. This suggests a disruption of the process by which perception becomes emotionally coloured. This qualitative change in the experiencing of perception may lead to reports of anything viewed being unreal or detached.
Derealization can also be caused by vestibular disorders such as labyrinthitis and vestibular neuronitis because the brain is receiving mixed signals from the vestibular nerves due to damage or infection, and so causes the brain to function slower and create feelings of unreality.
Cannabis, hallucinogens, antidepressants, caffeine, and nicotine can all produce feelings resembling derealization, particularly when taken to excess. It can also result from alcohol withdrawal or benzodiazepine withdrawal.
Derealization can also be a symptom of severe sleep disorders, and mental disorders like depersonalization disorder, borderline personality disorder, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and anxiety disorders."
You could always get a second medical opinion, but I think it also would be helpful for you to start addressing the anxiety with a professional.
I found some very thorough info on DR/DP causes, etc online....it's great to read:
"Derealization can accompany the neurological conditions of epilepsy, migraine, and mild head injury. There is a similarity between visual hypo-emotionality, a reduced emotional response to viewed objects, and derealization. This suggests a disruption of the process by which perception becomes emotionally coloured. This qualitative change in the experiencing of perception may lead to reports of anything viewed being unreal or detached.
Derealization can also be caused by vestibular disorders such as labyrinthitis and vestibular neuronitis because the brain is receiving mixed signals from the vestibular nerves due to damage or infection, and so causes the brain to function slower and create feelings of unreality.
Cannabis, hallucinogens, antidepressants, caffeine, and nicotine can all produce feelings resembling derealization, particularly when taken to excess. It can also result from alcohol withdrawal or benzodiazepine withdrawal.
Derealization can also be a symptom of severe sleep disorders, and mental disorders like depersonalization disorder, borderline personality disorder, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and anxiety disorders."
I think that I am suffering from that also but I think something else besides anxiety is causing it ya know?
If a medical cause has been ruled out, you may very well be dealing with a fairly comon symptom of anxiety called derealization...there is also depersonalization...it sounds like you could be experiencing both.
Do a search (plenty of info on this site...or google the terms)...read about it and let us know what you think. If you click on my user name and read my journals...I've done one about DR/DP and the most useful thing are the user comments that come after the journal. Quite amazing how many people with anxiety are affected by this.
DR and DP are both very distressing feelings and a lot of what you describe sounds right on the money.
Do a search (plenty of info on this site...or google the terms)...read about it and let us know what you think. If you click on my user name and read my journals...I've done one about DR/DP and the most useful thing are the user comments that come after the journal. Quite amazing how many people with anxiety are affected by this.
DR and DP are both very distressing feelings and a lot of what you describe sounds right on the money.
I have been examined by a neurologist and my primary dr. They cant find anything physically wrong with me and its hard for me to find other drs to go to cause I have no insurance. Does anybody know how I can contact a neuroscientist? I think that might have to be my next move.. Or maybe a naturopathic dr might be able to help. Thanks for youre post and concern,
You seriously need to see a doctor for a VERY thorough medical work up. I know you have had SOME tests done, all of which have come back negative, but in my humble opinion, there are a great many more tests they should run. Your list of symptoms is quite staggering and the tests you did have would not rule out all of them. If they cannot find anything organically wrong with you and they diagnose you with anxiety, you then need to consult a psychiatrist to figure out what's going on mentally and emotionally.
I wish you the best and hope for your recovery. You've lost enough of your life already.
Peace
Greenlydia
I wish you the best and hope for your recovery. You've lost enough of your life already.
Peace
Greenlydia
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