Really really stressed

[bosnianworrier]

My STBX wife said she is not going to give me our 2 yo son for sleepovers any more because she thinks I am not capable of taking care of him, despite that i was sol caretaker of him for 80% of the time since she left. Sure my mother was helping too but she left for a 3 months trip and thats her excuse.

I put this topic in this sub-forum because this brought a tremendous amount of stress and anxiety on me and maybe just maybe, someone will have a helpful advice for me.

I have 2 choices. One is that I remain nice, patient and keep hoping that she changes her mind (until we sign our seperation agreement) or 2. take her to court.

I wanna do it all nicely but if she makes me go to court I am afraid. I am afraid only because my anxiety makes me think that I could lose my son and only get visitation rights. I want my son at least for the weekends and my lawyer told me i can get that but my anxiety told me I cant lol.

I had to increase my anxiety meds since this has happened.

[Ash2213]

You should go to court. The court is all about having both parents in the kids life. There is no more Mom is the best and should get all the time. The only way that you would not get what you want is if there is any reason that you should not be alone with your son. If you do not think that you can take him overnight when your mom is out of town then do nothing and just be nice.

[tia77]

Sorry to hear about your problem.  It's nice to see a dad that wants to be involved with their child.  I can only give you a moms view.  I think Moms feel they can care for their children the best and is probable nervos about the overnights.  She probable is having thoughts of what if he wakes up and needs me and i'm not there and his dad doesn't know what to do.  Maybe if you can talk her down reasure her that if he needs her you will call and give the phone to him.  I really hope this is why she is reluctant.  Obviously the other thing is she could just be being mean and upset about this whole thing.  I like to think of the best in people.  So let hope it's just wanting to be there for him.  She is loosing control of this and it is probable hard.  That being said this is also hard for you.  Not being able to see your son on a daily basis has to be extreamly hard.  Keep taking your medicne as prescribed and if it does come down to court as long as you can prove you are a fit father that only has their child best in mind the judge should be fair.  There are alot of people out there on depresion and anxiety medicine and I would hope that would not be an issue or there would be alot of parents out there without there kids.  I feel for you and keep your head up.  Be the better person and do things the right way.  You will come out on top.   Good luck and keep us posted.

[silverberg]

I can only address your anxiety issues as this is what this forum is all about ONLY, I would like to remind you , we all here have Anxiety/Panic issues, and your situation now is something you will have to work out, but this is more of a LIFE situation, you may want to work with your Dr. on NOT increasing your meds at time of stress, we are talking about a overnight stay vs. taking the child away from you completely, my point is , please do not get in the habit of increasing meds at times of what I call NATURAL STRESSORS. learn to deal with theim.. wish you the best of luck.

[bosnianworrier]

@ash- Thanks. That is 1 honest advice

@Tia- Our story is long and complicated. Since she left the child has been 80% of the time with me. Her and me had a verbal agreement that needs to be signed and processed through court that I keep our son on weekends and she keeps him weekdays plus we both have unlimited visitation rights but since we planned to get back together we never signed in fact she said lets not do it its a waste on money. NOW SHE WANTS DIVORCE and is being unsually mean to me. But I will see if we can sign the agreement and if it comes to court I will fight for my rights. I even had a shot at full custody when the baby was with me but no, I would never take the baby from her. She loves him and cares about him. I feel betrayed but what can I do. My health should be my priority. Whining won't bring me any good even though I feel like someone died and I grieve all day long. I love her. Thanks

@Silverberg- You're right that I need to find a way to deal with "natural stressors" without medications because stress is a lifelong thing. She gave me the baby for sleepover the next day I made this thread. When she said no sleepovers for the son that struck me because we had agreement and I assumed she changed her mind. But YES I am trying to deal with things like this without meds. Thanks for advice.