Aa
Relationship Anxiety
I am currently going through a rough time with the woman I love. We are not split up but we are on a 'break' and it is due to my stupid behavior of being jealous. Long story short, we are in a period where I dont get to see her much and she has devoted her time to work. I have developed anxiety to the point where I cant do anything, have a continual sweat that no matter what I do I cant regulate my temperature. The sweat generally smells bad as well but I dont notice until others point it out. I also have horrible breath for some reason. I am either too cold or too hot and the sweating continues. My stomach is constantly in a vice like grip and I cant eat or sleep for long. If I sleep, I wake up in a panic for some reason around 330 or so every morning. Through the day I fall asleep here and there but panic again when I realize Im sleeping. I love this girl so much that all I can think about is trying to get her back and get off of this break. I have never had anxiety like this. A friend of mine told me it is anxiety so that is how I know. Even writing this is causing me to freak out but I dont know what to do. A friend of mine helped me and is still helping me. I have identified some key issues as to why this is happening and have been reading some good books about it. ANY advise you all have would help. I feel like I am going to die sometimes also. I can get occupied with other things for a short time but my mind is always on her calling, will she call, when will she call, why isnt she calling, should I call, etc. I crave being with her again and it seems that everything has lost its value and worth to me. I do better sometimes when I am with people but I dont have that luxury at 330 when this really hits as I live by myself. Every second seems to last for years. When I do get the chance to talk to her everything feels right again and then a little while afterwards it degenerates again. Sorry for going on and on but I dont know what the heck is happening to me. I am older and should be better prepared for this but Im not.
Hi Everyone,
I want to thank those of you that posted your comments. They are deeply appreciated. I want to also update you on my situation as it has changed. I reached the very bottom of the crazyiness that I was experiencing. The girlfriend wasnt answering calls, texts, nothing, no seeing her for days, etc., and I thought I was losing my mind. For whatever reason, I had major panic attacks set in and they pretty much ruled the last week of my life. I would wake up every morning at 330am or so as if I was in a combat zone, drenched in sweat.. etc. I am an academic by nature so I started taking notes and trying to figure it all out on my own with a moderate amount of success. I finally got to speak to her and see her and we talked about our issues and what we will do next. Last night was the first night I have slept in a week. Through my research into myself I came to realize I have issues going back to childhood that I wasn't aware I had, in particular something called Attachment Hunger. This has apparently plagued all of my relationships throughout my entire life and I never knew why until now. Basically I would just act certain ways and never had any clue as to why I did it (the behavior) or anything other than sit back while emotions took over and ruined my previous relationships. It was because of this hell I have recently been through that this fact came to life so in a grand sense, this HAD to happen in order for me to start to live a life without being controlled by jealousy, etc. For the first time in my life I can see outside the box as it were, and from another vantage point other than being in the middle where I played either the defender role or the attacker role and when I say attacker, I mean in a argument context only. I had jealousy like crazy that just consumed me and never knew what to do about it, or how to deal with it. The contributions you made here helped me to on the path to realization of this. I see it all now as something that had to happen in order for me to be the real person I am, rather than the jealous person I had become.. I couldnt see it for the life of me! I felt the sting of it once the relationships ended but it was always blame I placed in the other party... which made me 'right' in my mind but in winning the battle, I lost the war. So if anyone reading this is going through something similar, please know that you CAN come out of what seems like a hopeless situation with your feet on the ground.
I want to thank those of you that posted your comments. They are deeply appreciated. I want to also update you on my situation as it has changed. I reached the very bottom of the crazyiness that I was experiencing. The girlfriend wasnt answering calls, texts, nothing, no seeing her for days, etc., and I thought I was losing my mind. For whatever reason, I had major panic attacks set in and they pretty much ruled the last week of my life. I would wake up every morning at 330am or so as if I was in a combat zone, drenched in sweat.. etc. I am an academic by nature so I started taking notes and trying to figure it all out on my own with a moderate amount of success. I finally got to speak to her and see her and we talked about our issues and what we will do next. Last night was the first night I have slept in a week. Through my research into myself I came to realize I have issues going back to childhood that I wasn't aware I had, in particular something called Attachment Hunger. This has apparently plagued all of my relationships throughout my entire life and I never knew why until now. Basically I would just act certain ways and never had any clue as to why I did it (the behavior) or anything other than sit back while emotions took over and ruined my previous relationships. It was because of this hell I have recently been through that this fact came to life so in a grand sense, this HAD to happen in order for me to start to live a life without being controlled by jealousy, etc. For the first time in my life I can see outside the box as it were, and from another vantage point other than being in the middle where I played either the defender role or the attacker role and when I say attacker, I mean in a argument context only. I had jealousy like crazy that just consumed me and never knew what to do about it, or how to deal with it. The contributions you made here helped me to on the path to realization of this. I see it all now as something that had to happen in order for me to be the real person I am, rather than the jealous person I had become.. I couldnt see it for the life of me! I felt the sting of it once the relationships ended but it was always blame I placed in the other party... which made me 'right' in my mind but in winning the battle, I lost the war. So if anyone reading this is going through something similar, please know that you CAN come out of what seems like a hopeless situation with your feet on the ground.
What you describe sounds like classic symptoms of anxiety and depression. Probably a major depressive episode,, as it's termed. The stressful event with your girlfriend has triggered it off and I'm betting you have had problems in the past. but maybe not as severe.
The early morning wakening, the stomach ailments, dry mouth, bad breath, are all VERY common symptoms, as are the obsessions and excessive worrying.
You need to seek out professional treatment, preferably a psychiatrist.
Contact your local library and ask for the community referral section, where someone can tell you about where the free mental health resources are in your area.
You need to get on with your life and get back to normal health. Seek out other social activities that will take your mind off the past and get you motivated toward a better future.
The early morning wakening, the stomach ailments, dry mouth, bad breath, are all VERY common symptoms, as are the obsessions and excessive worrying.
You need to seek out professional treatment, preferably a psychiatrist.
Contact your local library and ask for the community referral section, where someone can tell you about where the free mental health resources are in your area.
You need to get on with your life and get back to normal health. Seek out other social activities that will take your mind off the past and get you motivated toward a better future.
Hi. Just read the comments above and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for the info you gave. A few items to put on the table though: (1) I dont have a doctor or insurance so I am not sure what to do. I have been out of the 'traditional' workfield for 10+ years and I never get sick so I just dont ever go to the doctor. So what can I do in this case? (2) As for the breath thing, my mouth is always dry and it wasnt this way before the incident with the love of my life and myself. I cant drink enough water either. I havent ever notice any bad breath like this before either so i am thinking these are side effects of what is happening but I have no idea .. these things just came about when all this went down. What do I do about this constant vice grip on my stomach? I know people arent supposed to give medical advise so I guess Im not necessarily asking for that just any ideas or ANYTHING AT ALL. Along with the stomach in a grip feeling the undersides of both of my arms start to get tingly when the stomach feeling is happening. Has anyone heard of the concept of Infant Time as opposed to Adult time? Im reading this book about it and it says that sometimes in these situations we as adults experience time as an infant does; no logic, feeling of complete helplessness, abandonment, etc. I have identified that I am experiencing this too. Anyone have any experience with this?
Where love is concerned we are very vulnerable regardless of age. First thing you need to do is see your GP to make sure there are no other causes for your symptoms, and to address the bad breath, which can be caused by a decaying tooth, sinus and stomach problems, and easily treatable. Seeing a therapist will teach you how to overcome jealousy, which is a very quick way to push someone away from you. Jealousy is saying you don't trust her, and makes one feel smothered. So getting over this will be a great help to you and your relationship. You do exhibit signs of anxiety and hopefully the therapy will ease this, if not you may need an anti-anxiety medication to help you get thru this time. It's best to see a psychiatrist regarding medication as they are the most knowlegable as to what will work best for you. A therapist can teach you relaxation techniques as well which can be very beneficial. Seek help right away so you can start to feel better and think more clearly, and get some sleep as well. There is so much help for you, so take advantage of it. We've all been thru the horror of extreme anxiety, so you're not alone and we're glad you found us! But don't wait on getting help, this is literally making you sick. Hang in there and work thru this. I wish you all the best and take care.
Sorry to hear you are going through such a rough time. I am not a dr but my first advice would be to not just take your friend's word that this is all caused from anxiety. It very well can be but I would get checked out by your dr to be on the safe side.
Relationship problems are never easy and it can take it's toll on our bodies. I would recommend that if you want to make things work with your girlfriend that you give her space. I know that is really hard to do but on the other hand that will give her time to miss you. In the meantime you might want to consider talking with a therapist. They are a great outlet and they are trained to teach us coping skills. I know that is a big step and it doesn't mean you are crazy it is just another outlet for you to vent and deal with what is going on with you.
Just remember you will get through this one way or another. I wish you lots of luck....
Relationship problems are never easy and it can take it's toll on our bodies. I would recommend that if you want to make things work with your girlfriend that you give her space. I know that is really hard to do but on the other hand that will give her time to miss you. In the meantime you might want to consider talking with a therapist. They are a great outlet and they are trained to teach us coping skills. I know that is a big step and it doesn't mean you are crazy it is just another outlet for you to vent and deal with what is going on with you.
Just remember you will get through this one way or another. I wish you lots of luck....
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