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Ruining Relationship - Jealousy and Anxiety with Boyfriend (going on for almost 8 months)

This question i feel, I don't need a doctor. I just want honest answers from normal people. Maybe people who went through the same thing, or their friends did, or have any suggestions. It's hard to explain how I feel, because it doesn't make sense.
So, everytime my boyfriend is with a girl one on one, I'm constantly texting him to double check up on him. It drives me insaine. I feel like I'm being obsessed over him. This has been going on for almost 8 months, and I just don't know what to do! I hate doing it but I can't help it! And most of all, I hate doing it, because it hurts his feelings, thinking I don't trust him. I made him cry once, I felt horrible, and he didn't even cry at his grandma's funeral! Like, I know he won't do anything, but theres something in me saying that somethings gonna happen, and I get uncontrollable "butterflies" if I don't text him or phone him. So I just do it, to stop the tinge feeling in my stomach because it drive me insaine. But, I don't understand myself, because I trust him completely, but then you look at the situation and it's like: no I don't trust him, because why would I be bugging him like this and be so worried? He doesn't talk to his ex gf's or people from the internet anymore, because he knows how I feel, and it's ruining our relationship. He almost got rid of his facebook/msn and cancelled his phone for me, but I said don't, I don't want to take your social life away, I'd feel terrible.
At first, I thought this was something that I would get over, and it's human nature to be jealous. But, now I just think somethings wrong with me in the head to over react this much. His best friend is a girl, and they used to like eachother (maybe that bothers me) they had sex last year on prom (but it was before I knew him). Then again, he's so open with everything... he wouldn't tell me that if they were doing stuff together.
And then also he does have a lot of friends that are girls, I think it's because he's more of a sensitive guy. I don't know, girls like that I guess. He's also a very outgoing and someone who just talks to anyone, and will hang out with anyone because he's bored. He just likes people. Me on the other hand, I don't have many friends, maybe I don't understand what it's like to just hang out with everyone. He also has a lot of girls that are friends that he has "history" with. It scares me, and make me jealous of them. He says that, he won't shut people out of his life because it's rude and unfair to them. Then he makes me see how he sees it, and he says: would you like it if we broke up and I never talked to you again? And of course I said no.
Also, I found underwear pics of this girl on his phone. Apparently she sent them to him, and then they hung out and got drunk. That scared the living **** out of me. His other friends were with him though, and he said he was going to hang out with them, she was just there, and he's not interested in her, and also she has a boyfriend. He doesn't really talk to her though, I don't think.
I guess all my breakups and hookups in the past, were very bad. I've been cheated on, I've been the "****" of the school. I went through a horrible time in highschool. I won't get into that, but I got around a lot because I had low self esteem, and I felt prettier when boys wanted me. Now I finally have someone who cares, respects, and loves me. Maybe I just don't trust boys anymore? Or maybe It's taking me a while.
Or maybe, I have a trust issues? There is only 3 people I can think of who haven't screwed me over in life. And that's not including any family members. Also, last year I did a horrible thing that I still feel guilty from then up to this day. I had sex with my best friends boyfriend when they were on a break. That ruined everything. I trusted myself more than anyone, and when I did that, I lost my trust in myself, and now I don't think I can trust others.
I hate this, it *****, and I'm trying so hard to change. I cry maybe every other day. My boyfriend knows I'm trying and he said I've improved a little. But maybe that's only because he's trying to encourage me. My boyfriend has bi-polar, and used to suffer from depression and he's doing better than I am. I'm not even diagnosed with a mental disorder. Someone please help me, I don't know how to get over this trust issue, anxiety, jealously problem. I don't know what it is, but it has to stop or I'm going to have no friends, and my boyfriend will dump me.
4 Responses
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Avatar universal
yea he deleted the photos right away.

but, the thing is, i think were prefect for eachother, and he's the only person that i trust more than others, i trust him more than my mom. maybe i just have trust issues. and i can't break up with him, like i dun't even put that through my head.
Helpful - 0
605877 tn?1301700646
photos of another girl are going to make you paranoid especially in underwear. did he delete them straight away?
Helpful - 0
404138 tn?1308941656
I agree with toejam, you may want to post this in the relationships forum.
But also, it doesnt sound like a healthy relationship..maybe you should be single for awhile, as much as you love him, it sounds like theres no trust and without trust a relationship will struggle. Good luck
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
it sounds like you have a reason to distrust him. when you are in a commited relationship, there usually is no room for a guy to have any one-on-one time with any other girl besides his girlfriend....same goes for girls.
Helpful - 0
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