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???SUPPOSED ANXIETY FOR 3 YEARS? READ HE LINDEN METHOD
I come to you asking for help. This will be a long post, anyone who supposedly has anxiety may find this refreshing. it is loaded with questions I have for all of you out there.
My Back ground.
Tristan
25 years old Male
My mom passed away when I was 20 years old, I think this planted a bad seed in my brain. She died from pancreatic cancer and it took two years as I watched in horror. I was also involved in my first serious relationship when my mom was dying in which I think emotionally I connected with my girlfriend all of the feelings of my mom dying, so when she died it wasn't horrible on me, but when my g/f and I broke up...and we begin...I wish I had all of the knowledge I'm about to share with you back then...these have been the hardest 3 years of my life. Wasted.
After that happened you would have never known, I was in shock I beleive now, but back then I knew nothing. Sure I would cry sometimes but it never felt like I was healing. I would have strangers I have NEVER met look at me and ask if I was alright ,when I thought I was in a great mood. They would say your eyes look sad...and things like I'm sorry. I didn't understand, I thought there were nuts.
May of 2006 2 3 years after my mom passed away I as at the gym working out and I was doing a shoulder press. While doing this lift I turned my head and then whammoooo...and electric feeling all over my body with 5 seconds of tongue burning and confusion. Then gone. I went home a tad scared.
For the next two weeks I had a weak sensation in my left arm. This is where I think..my opinion ONLY that fear of death from seeing my mom die subconciously came out slowly as I had never dealt with that emotion it was like the hoover dam holding my emotions in and now that I was scared something was wrong...that dam was on the verge of breaking.
Then one day I was driving in my car, a normal day when all of a sudden a cool wave came over me, instant nausea and I could barely think. I drove to my nearest friends house. I had minor facial twitching and this then sprung me right into my VERY FIRST PANIC YAY! Lasted for 2 hours I was in terror. My mom was misdiagnosed 3 times before they found a problem..( FEAR SEED IN HEAD GROWING) I had no logic at this point just panic. I though for sure I was dead, no questions. I had noticed I starting losing my hair a bit too. So I was thinking there is something wrong, if it was just panic that would not happen. So the panics and weird sensations became to much, I could not work. I would be at work on the phone and all of a sudden I would not beable to move for a second, or my ears would stop working, or I would have shortness of breath, or my left leg would not work, or my hands would all of a sudden be freezing. This was insane & I could not take it. This is when I turned to a psych doc. They prescribed me KLONOPIN(THIS IS THE DEVIL, DO NOT EVER TAKE THIS PRODUCT YOUR, IT IS LIKE HEROIN) I took 1MG a day and the symptoms calmed a tad but still kept coming. I didn't understand, this was supposed to solve all of my problems. NEGATIVE, they continued and got worse, because what Klonopin could not do, BEER could. I found this out one day. BAD IDEA. Don't use the alcohol. I went down a road that I imagine no person has ever gone down. First I needed 2-3 beers to stop the attacks, then 5-8 then I got up to 20 per day for 2 years straight, no joke. The problem with using alcohol is it made everything worse. It calms you at first, but doesn't allow you to get proper sleep which causes HUGE problems. In addition it stirs up your brain even more. WHen you repeat this cycle like I did, the results were insane and I am suprised I am still alive, not only from all of the beer on my organs...but the mental state I was in. My typical day. Wake up, with in seconds have trouble breathing so I would take 1MG Klonopin, but wouldn't do anything because I drank so much the night before I was behind. My brain could not heal. Then I would start drinking beer, but I was so sick and dried out I it was hard so I would puke at least 5 times until I could down the beer. Eventually I switched to Hard Alcohol and that was when I made a decision and checked myself in to a detox center. People always assumed I was just a drunk, and that I loved the alcohol. This was the not the initial case. I had so many neruological symptoms I could not handle it and the only way to stop it (but make it worse) was beer and Klonopin. So now it had been 2 years I had been drinking 20 beers a day and taking 1 MG of klonopin. I checked in to Alexican Brothers medical center I went from 175 to 260 in those 2 years of hell. I was teribly out of shape. The first night at Alexian I will never forget...I will just say insane for 8 hours shivering you name it. I could not believe what I was enduring, I would shoot out of bed at night like my heart was stopping and can't breathe sweats...and this was just from alcohol with drawl. I then told them I wanted to stop KLONOPIN and there is nothing harder to do. You can either have no effects or heavy effects of withdrawl & it does not matter if you took 1MG or 10MG. Worst drug ever.
Nov 2nd 2008 I was released from Alexian Brothers in Illinois. The minute I got out FULL PANIC, felt insane. Wanted to go back but could not, didn't feel like I had home, or new anyone. I had close friends with me, my father. Did not matter. It was like my brain was feeling for the first time in 3 years and I did not know what to do. Klonopin blocked all of my nerves everywhere, not just my brain. It is also a muscle relaxant. So once you stop it does the opposite. Think of it like this. Imagine putting metal sheets infront of all of your nerves in your brain(KLONOPIN) so your brain does not get the same signals it used to. Then one day you lift those metal sheets and your brain does not know what to do...system over load. Like trying to start an old car that has been sitting for 2 years, it will take time. The end result was feelings that no person should ever feel and I am still dealing with today. Now this has done a lot of damage to my brain becuase I'm a logical person. I have had every test done and NOTHING to report, but the feelings I have are the same of that who have MS, They happen randomly. I do not want to take any drugs. I still to this day take a trip to the ER sometimes. I have been drug free since Nov 2nd. No beer, no anything. I do understand why most people do not make it. It is VERY VERY HARD and not meant without proper guidance. They took me of the Klonopin way to quickly over 4 days, this is why I'm still so messed up, I hppe. I have had every neurological symptom you can have. I have lost my breath, had chest pain, had cold hands, cold feet, pain everywhere, waking up gasping for air, can't move, tongue goes numb, can't move limbs. These are scary symptoms that any normal person would think is stroke, brain tumor, heart attack, you name it. These are only a few symptoms I am having currently that I just live with. My post days of Klonpin and beer are better. I don't puke every day, or feel totally sick all day, but I am not cured. I'm still dealing with a lot of these same symptoms and they come in waves. I had a good March, but a horrible April. My symptoms keep changing so much I do second guess my own logical side in fear. This is very hard to deal with. I do not go out often yet, and it does suck to not beable to drnk. Better than being dead. I recommend a book called the LINDEN METHOD. This helped me more than any post, or anyhting I ever have read about anxiety. I urge you to do this because it does what no books do. Explains all/ most. It makes me ponder for example. On days I feel awful is it becuase of some stored memory or feeling around this time May 1st? back in 2004 when my mom passed? interested in hearing more email ***@****
My Back ground.
Tristan
25 years old Male
My mom passed away when I was 20 years old, I think this planted a bad seed in my brain. She died from pancreatic cancer and it took two years as I watched in horror. I was also involved in my first serious relationship when my mom was dying in which I think emotionally I connected with my girlfriend all of the feelings of my mom dying, so when she died it wasn't horrible on me, but when my g/f and I broke up...and we begin...I wish I had all of the knowledge I'm about to share with you back then...these have been the hardest 3 years of my life. Wasted.
After that happened you would have never known, I was in shock I beleive now, but back then I knew nothing. Sure I would cry sometimes but it never felt like I was healing. I would have strangers I have NEVER met look at me and ask if I was alright ,when I thought I was in a great mood. They would say your eyes look sad...and things like I'm sorry. I didn't understand, I thought there were nuts.
May of 2006 2 3 years after my mom passed away I as at the gym working out and I was doing a shoulder press. While doing this lift I turned my head and then whammoooo...and electric feeling all over my body with 5 seconds of tongue burning and confusion. Then gone. I went home a tad scared.
For the next two weeks I had a weak sensation in my left arm. This is where I think..my opinion ONLY that fear of death from seeing my mom die subconciously came out slowly as I had never dealt with that emotion it was like the hoover dam holding my emotions in and now that I was scared something was wrong...that dam was on the verge of breaking.
Then one day I was driving in my car, a normal day when all of a sudden a cool wave came over me, instant nausea and I could barely think. I drove to my nearest friends house. I had minor facial twitching and this then sprung me right into my VERY FIRST PANIC YAY! Lasted for 2 hours I was in terror. My mom was misdiagnosed 3 times before they found a problem..( FEAR SEED IN HEAD GROWING) I had no logic at this point just panic. I though for sure I was dead, no questions. I had noticed I starting losing my hair a bit too. So I was thinking there is something wrong, if it was just panic that would not happen. So the panics and weird sensations became to much, I could not work. I would be at work on the phone and all of a sudden I would not beable to move for a second, or my ears would stop working, or I would have shortness of breath, or my left leg would not work, or my hands would all of a sudden be freezing. This was insane & I could not take it. This is when I turned to a psych doc. They prescribed me KLONOPIN(THIS IS THE DEVIL, DO NOT EVER TAKE THIS PRODUCT YOUR, IT IS LIKE HEROIN) I took 1MG a day and the symptoms calmed a tad but still kept coming. I didn't understand, this was supposed to solve all of my problems. NEGATIVE, they continued and got worse, because what Klonopin could not do, BEER could. I found this out one day. BAD IDEA. Don't use the alcohol. I went down a road that I imagine no person has ever gone down. First I needed 2-3 beers to stop the attacks, then 5-8 then I got up to 20 per day for 2 years straight, no joke. The problem with using alcohol is it made everything worse. It calms you at first, but doesn't allow you to get proper sleep which causes HUGE problems. In addition it stirs up your brain even more. WHen you repeat this cycle like I did, the results were insane and I am suprised I am still alive, not only from all of the beer on my organs...but the mental state I was in. My typical day. Wake up, with in seconds have trouble breathing so I would take 1MG Klonopin, but wouldn't do anything because I drank so much the night before I was behind. My brain could not heal. Then I would start drinking beer, but I was so sick and dried out I it was hard so I would puke at least 5 times until I could down the beer. Eventually I switched to Hard Alcohol and that was when I made a decision and checked myself in to a detox center. People always assumed I was just a drunk, and that I loved the alcohol. This was the not the initial case. I had so many neruological symptoms I could not handle it and the only way to stop it (but make it worse) was beer and Klonopin. So now it had been 2 years I had been drinking 20 beers a day and taking 1 MG of klonopin. I checked in to Alexican Brothers medical center I went from 175 to 260 in those 2 years of hell. I was teribly out of shape. The first night at Alexian I will never forget...I will just say insane for 8 hours shivering you name it. I could not believe what I was enduring, I would shoot out of bed at night like my heart was stopping and can't breathe sweats...and this was just from alcohol with drawl. I then told them I wanted to stop KLONOPIN and there is nothing harder to do. You can either have no effects or heavy effects of withdrawl & it does not matter if you took 1MG or 10MG. Worst drug ever.
Nov 2nd 2008 I was released from Alexian Brothers in Illinois. The minute I got out FULL PANIC, felt insane. Wanted to go back but could not, didn't feel like I had home, or new anyone. I had close friends with me, my father. Did not matter. It was like my brain was feeling for the first time in 3 years and I did not know what to do. Klonopin blocked all of my nerves everywhere, not just my brain. It is also a muscle relaxant. So once you stop it does the opposite. Think of it like this. Imagine putting metal sheets infront of all of your nerves in your brain(KLONOPIN) so your brain does not get the same signals it used to. Then one day you lift those metal sheets and your brain does not know what to do...system over load. Like trying to start an old car that has been sitting for 2 years, it will take time. The end result was feelings that no person should ever feel and I am still dealing with today. Now this has done a lot of damage to my brain becuase I'm a logical person. I have had every test done and NOTHING to report, but the feelings I have are the same of that who have MS, They happen randomly. I do not want to take any drugs. I still to this day take a trip to the ER sometimes. I have been drug free since Nov 2nd. No beer, no anything. I do understand why most people do not make it. It is VERY VERY HARD and not meant without proper guidance. They took me of the Klonopin way to quickly over 4 days, this is why I'm still so messed up, I hppe. I have had every neurological symptom you can have. I have lost my breath, had chest pain, had cold hands, cold feet, pain everywhere, waking up gasping for air, can't move, tongue goes numb, can't move limbs. These are scary symptoms that any normal person would think is stroke, brain tumor, heart attack, you name it. These are only a few symptoms I am having currently that I just live with. My post days of Klonpin and beer are better. I don't puke every day, or feel totally sick all day, but I am not cured. I'm still dealing with a lot of these same symptoms and they come in waves. I had a good March, but a horrible April. My symptoms keep changing so much I do second guess my own logical side in fear. This is very hard to deal with. I do not go out often yet, and it does suck to not beable to drnk. Better than being dead. I recommend a book called the LINDEN METHOD. This helped me more than any post, or anyhting I ever have read about anxiety. I urge you to do this because it does what no books do. Explains all/ most. It makes me ponder for example. On days I feel awful is it becuase of some stored memory or feeling around this time May 1st? back in 2004 when my mom passed? interested in hearing more email ***@****
Your book may be helping you deal with some of your many issues, but I strongly urge you to hook up with a good psychiatrist and begin the work of getting your life back! You have been through so very much and are carrying around a massive amount of extremely heavy baggage. Plase get yourself some help, Sweetie!
Let us know how you're doing, OK? And know that we are always here.
Peace
Greenlydia
Let us know how you're doing, OK? And know that we are always here.
Peace
Greenlydia
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