Schzophrenia..and me..question.

prior, the last 7 years i thought i've been crazy but i finally let it out and started talking to someone about my depression and i just want to get it under control...

recentlly i've been diagnosed as manic depressant.. well i've been holding so much in my whole life...for the past 7 weeks its been a hellish battle for the doctors to get my moods and my thoughts under control... I've been to the ER FOUR times for being in a manic state..having racing thoughts and not knowing what to do..also trying to figure out ways to kill myself..It felt as if i was goingi to lash out also..and hurt someone, couldnt stop crying either.

i've been on these medications previously in the past 7 weeks, excluding xanax (previous episode) and never have recreationally used them.

xanax (took this about 5 months ago) the little blue pills, i took one and it did nothing for my anxiety within 30 minutes i popped another..still anxious and nervous as hell..popped one more and about 15 minutes after that i have no recollection of the next 17 hours..

paroxotine (aka paxil) This caused racing thoughts within the first 2 days..but i felt ok..but uncomfortably eager/anxious and thats why they put me on valium) but i've had a lifelong battle with depression and just havent told anyone till recently..

lorazepam (have tryed it before but its not NEARLY strong enough to stop the anxiety)

valium (valium made me very clumsy..i did notice a relaxation state from the anxiety..but im out of valium till i see my doctor on tuesday) but it did uplift my mood a bit more..from a "Anything could be better" to a "this is alright..im very creative right now." while i was on valium for about one-two weeks i felt alright from the valium..but i was very interested in intellectual things (as im an intellectual at heart) and i actually started enjoying reading, enjoying going places and enjoying things...made me relax for once in my life it felt like. But..its such an addictive drug

Tromodol (i had to take 100MG to sleep for just 2 hours, took this last time i went to the ER, helped me sleep for 5 hours about...

Ambien : the paroxetine was making me crazy and jittery like i was wired on caffeine 24/7 or draink red bulls every five seconds...there was muscle tension and racing thoughts... so he perscribed ambien, 2mg a pill. I've taken 5-6 of them without having any visual hallucinations and without getting drowsy/sedated/hypnotized

but there is sometimes other things and i'm not sure i if i should be worried about them or tell the doctor

Sometimes i swear i can hear my name being called. or even in a crowded place, this sometimes happens 2-4 times a day in a crowded place or even in just a local coffee shop. In my room  when i have my fan on it sounds like voices sometimes. when im driving my car sounds like a deep growl that no one else seems to here..Repetitive motion sounds also have been sounding like whispers..like laundry washers in the other room..or random heaters... Sometimes it sounds like a light buzzing or vibration noise near around. just static background noise.  i just know there voices and other stuff.. I've been up days without sleep and need some rest...when this happens usually will have VERY VIVID STRONG auditory and VISUAL hallucinations.. i'll be talking to someone who inst there in my room or on my bed.. rationally i know i shouldnt be seeing.

i havent slept in 3 days and over the table sleep medications dont help at all and i cant get ahold of my dr because i live in a small town and my doctor is out of town..i dont know what to do.

[kaossalami]

it just feels like no one understands me with the anxiety..that no one knows whats going on..and i've been holding all these irrational fears and angers in that no one but me knows about...including the voices. I get anxiety in social situation, at school, before tests, around people, im a VERY jealous person also...like irrationally jealous.