Severe HIV Anxiety-Need some Reassurance

I am a 23 year old male from FL. I never thought I could fall to stress and anxiety so hard. My story starts out when I was seeing a girl I have known for a couple years and we decided we wanted to start dating. This went on for a couple months before everything went really sour. During this time we had unprotected sex in which she said (mistake yes, I know, I trust people too much) she was HIV -. The last time we had sex was the first day of Feb. this year. I had little red pinpoint spots showing up on my skin everywhere mostly around the hair follicles and couldn't remember when this started so I went to go see the doctor at my University, twice, (2 different people) and they both said it was Keratosis pilaris. I had gotten sick before hand with all the symptoms under the sun which in which I visited my family physician and said it was just a bad case of the flu... I used marijuana as an outlet during this time, BAD IDEA. I went back and had blood drawn on the last day of April for an HIV test, 12 weeks on the dot. I had convinced myself that it was going to come back positive. He called me the day after the blood was drawn and told me everything was fine and that I was negative and my WBC count was fine. I finally pushed her into having another test which happened to be 6 1/2 months after the last time we did anything because she went to the doctor and they couldn't figure out what was going on with her, it came back negative. I still think I have this virus because it feels like my lymph nodes are still swollen in my neck, minor headaches often, feels like I have a lump stuck in the back of my throat (maybe overdeveloped muscle from grinding teeth which I do alot) and my tongue is still kind of white on the top (could be from the multiple allergies I have). I should be grateful and happy that everything came back negative at the 12 week mark but the "what if the test was wrong" has gotten the better of me. I have gotten to the point where I think I have worn myself out, thinking day and night doing the "what if" and trying to find my symptoms online. I am trying to start a company right now and being an engineer and scrutineering everything that happened is definitely not helping. I just need some reassurance that everything is alright.
Sincerely,
Me.  

[greenlydia]

If you had the ELISA test at 12 weeks post exposure and the results were negative then you DO NOT HAVE HIV.

Move on.

If you can't move on, move into therapy.

Greenlydia

[Krush87]

I'm not quite sure if it was or not.

[greenlydia]

Was what WHAT or not?

[Krush87]

I don't know if it was the ELISA test

[Irenak]

Ever hear the expression, "What you fear you create"?  Sounds like you are having psychosomatic symptoms created by your fear.  Stop it or things will get worse. You will eventually create something.  The deed is done so do what ever you need to to as far a testing goes.  Be smart, be cautious while at the same time having the mindset that you are fine.  Do what the doctors advise in this type of situation and let go of the rest.  I did the same thing to myself when I found out that someone I knew had bedbugs.  I was not even exposed and I broke out with this itchy rash on my legs for about a year until I got a hold of myself.  I was miserable.  All I'm saying is that if there is any chance that you are infected, just do the right and responsible things towards that.  Otherwise, let go and believe you are fine.  You probably are. This is not a way to live. You will eventually think yourself sick with something just as bad or worse if you don't change your thoughts.

[LIZZIE LOU]

your test was reliable and conclusive...PROVING that you do NOT have hiv.

work with your doctor if you are having health concerns...it's not hiv related.

[jul04]

If you tested negative then accept that you are negative and start living your life.  If you keep obsessing over hiv then you are going to convince yourself that you have it and you are going to cause yourself to be so sick and to have so much anxiety.

If you can't get over the thoughts you are having then I would suggest you see a therapist to help you move on.

Lots of luck....

[carguy1975]

Your anxiety is the problem.  It is probably causing your physical symptoms.  The brain is an amazing thing.  You can actually will yourself to be sick.  You are starting your own business you said.  Consider the kind of determination it takes to convince yourself to take on such a task.  If your brain is strong enough to do that then it is certainly strong enough to tell your throat to close up if that is a symptom that you read somewhere on the internet.  When I get anxious I get a lump in my throat along with lots of other symptoms. Dry mouth, muscle aches, headaches,etc.  If you look those symtoms (symptoms) up on the internet it says I could be dying 10 differnt ways. For me to relieve myself of my symptoms I have to insert myself in tasks which take 100% of my attention.  All of the sudden I realize my symptoms have subsided or at least lessened. Sometime once I realize they are gone and I start thinking about what ever is causing my anxiety they come right back.  Right now I am medicating myself to try and keep from thinking about my problems.  It doesnt really work and I will probably stop that process.  Mostly it just makes me think about my issues in a less nervous state.  Anxiety I am learning is a very strong emotion.  It can make you think crazy thoughts.  You really have to focus on realizing that the anxiety is your biggest problem and not some disease which you have already confirmed through extremely acurate testing that you do not have.  Once you realize its your anxiety you can focus on correcting that problem. Since you have been focused on this for so long you may need professional therapy to reset your brain.  You are ok. You just need to convince yourself of that.  Getting someone to help you is not a bad thing and therapists have heard it all.  I am sure your story will not shock anyone and therapy is totally confindential.  Try it out.  Cant hurt.

[Krush87]

I really appreciate it. You have all helped me so much. It is so hard to reach out and tell people these things sometimes. To carguy, you and I sound very much alike and your words have helped alot. Thank you so much to all, I am going to try and reset everything and immerse myself in anything and everything else to keep my kind off this. I guess the key is to not overthink everything like I have been doing. They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expect different results. Time to stop the insanity.