So, I've been told that I'm not sick but have stress and anxiety.

[uncertainty1981]

I need feedback from all of you.

I thought I had HIV.  I still do think that but everyone is saying that 3 month testing is conclusive.  Even though some people are saying that 6 months is.

I had all of the symptoms for HIV and still feel very ill.  I never got better.

I have joint pain in my whole body. I have red palms. It's like my blood is not circulating properly.  Aches and pains throughout my organs.  Vision problems.

When I go to the ER, they send me home and say I'm just stressed and anxious.

My very first test was a false positive.  I tested 14 times since and all of my tests have been negative out to 3 months.  I even took early detection tests that were also negative.

I thought that maybe reading about symptoms could have effected me but I had serious fatigue before the first time I tested and that's why I went in to the HIV clinic to begin with.  Everyone on the HIV forums are saying that I'm fine.  2 days ago when I went in for my 14 week test, a doctor told me that I might need to test at 6 months and a year.  That really put me back to the uncertainty category.

I'm convinced that I'm infected and people are calling me crazy.  I had a very high risk exposure and all the symptoms occurred exactly 2 weeks later.  I even had painful groin and rash on my anus.  All of this is embarrassing to talk about but I hope people on this forum can help me.  

I don't know what to do.  Should I trust in my negative test results?  Something is not right.  I just want to feel normal again but I can't.  I stopped talking to all of my friends.  They never want to hear what I have to say.  I've been going for all these tests and everything for the past 3 months has been about HIV.  I think I'm going to die soon from my pains.  I feel that I need a diagnosis and some kind of treatment for whatever is going on in my body.

Can anyone suggest on what I can do.  Should I keep testing?  Should I completely forget about HIV?  I'm even afraid to get a job because of all of my symptoms.  All I do is obsess about a disease.  My girlfriend left me because I had sex with a man.  My mother is an alcoholic and a pill popper and hates "fags." My dad hung up the phone on me on fathers day.  I've been on these forums and have been calling HIV hotlines and that helps a little but maybe it's just feeding my obsession.  I can't ever just forget about it because the symptoms are a reminder that I might be infected.

I know I'm dishing out a lot here but I really need help to fix myself up.  Is it to late for me?
My sister is to busy with her kids and new family.  

[worried788]

I am currently in a similar predicament - in the window period and awaiting an appropriate time fram for accurate results on herpes and hiv....

All i can say is that i have cried, stressed and entered phases of severe depression as i am also suffering from symptoms - constant mild burning sensation of my urethra (for the last 30 days)... everyone says not to worry blah blah

In your case your results seem pretty conclusive, and as a statistician (studying maths at uni) - chance is with you! (3-months according to what i have read - is pretty conclusive despite the RARE anomalies) - I think the fact you had a false positive test would be excrutiatingly hard for someone to understand the pain and anxiety caused!

So perhaps consider that the symptoms you feel are brought upon by stress and that the best option (despite how hard it is) since i am struggling to heed my own advice - is to move forward with a possitive outlook and prevent negative thoughts as much as possible. I have found that excerise helps release some endorphins and the company of others is also soothing.

At least know that my thoughts are with you and that someone truly cares (and believes that it is the best case scenario and you are FINE)!

Good luck

[uncertainty1981]

thank you.  

[kcdem]

rare anomally...that sounds pretty good to me. stress and anxiety can cause many symptoms. i have read many post on here about people in the same predicament.

the uncertainty must be very hard to deal with. worried gave you great advice and seems to know what they are talking about regarding the chances of being infected.

i used to have panic attacks about hiv for absolutely no reason. i would think about women i had been with and freak out, so i can imagine what you are going through.

these symptoms are probably all caused in your mind. anxiety can actually make people go blind, it is very serious.

sounds like there is very little reason to be worried about hiv at this point, sounds like the odds are way in your favor. go with it and live your life. eat healthy exercise and you will feel better. the 6 month and the year test are just a precaution one would assume.

best of luck to you and get back to living.

kcdem

[lonewolf07]

Have you gone to the HIV or HIV prevention Forums?  They are quite good and the people there are knowledgeable.

If you keep having negative test results but still feel you have HIV you could be suffering from depression, anxiety, OCD - all those fun things.

Having sex with a man does not necessarily mean you're a "fag".  Too many negative stigmas around sexuality .... I'd rather have my sons be gay or bisexual and happy than to live a lie.

Obsessing is another way of not dealing with underlying issues - but that's just my opinion.

Good thoughts to you ....

wolf