Social Anxiety has become debilitating

I have no social support, my family is in a religion that I've rejected so they have banished me.  My wife is spending 6 months in China with my 2 year old son and I have no social support, no friends or other family, close to where I live.  When asked if I want to join colleagues, I stand them up.  I'm just too nervous around other people in a social setting.  I'm OK in big crownds or one-on-one but with two or more other people I clam up and get very nervous.  This is affecting my self-esteme, which is cross contaminating my work and other social situations.  I spent all 4 days off of work just lying on the couch at home, wanting to go out to be with people but I'm too anxious.  When I do meet someone in public and they start a casual converstation, I tend to be quirky because I feel a need to entertain but have little experience, in other words I try too hard and they give off a "weirdo" vibe about me.  I'm good looking and otherwise healthy but this ailment is preventing me from making the most out of my life.  Can someone offer some help?   Advise?  P.S. I'm not religious so joining a congregation or synagog would be contrary to my belief system.

[cmjames2828]

I had the same thing it didnt occur to me till  my freshman year in college when i attended a huge classroom of kids. I couldnt stand sitting there i had to get up and leave. In effect i threw away my freshman years first semester then i went to a doctor and got medication which is helping me and i have a great social life. however once u start a medication it is very easy to become addicted to it. Are you on any medications??????? and dont worry this is cureable but someone who has no idea about it will never ever understand

[strangedork]

Before starting meds you should know that they can slowly become ineffectual. I was like cmjames.  I started on paxil, and finally became a normal person with friends.  Was on it for years.  Some doctors would withhold my prescription, as a bargaining tool to get me to get medical tests or what not.  Going off the meds cold turkey is awful so I'd do whatever the doctor said (which still pisses me off that doctors would do this.)  Over time, however, my anxiety even when on paxil started coming back.  Then we lost our insurance, so for the last 9 months I've slowly been trying to get off it.  It's been terrible!  All the problems I had before are all coming back.  Even though the paxil wasn't working great, it obviously kept some of the anxiety down.  I've heard cognitive behavoral therapy is a more permanent solution, so now I'm considering that.  (Another thing with the meds is that you can get an extreme craving for alcohol--I did, and other people I've known who were prescribed paxil also did.  Don't know about prozac and some of the other antidepressants)

[29sillygirl]

You are experiencing multiple life changes apparently in short period of time.  I can relate to your 1) laying around when not working (I did same before I retired) and 2) the behaviors we may exhibit ....because we are shy about having casual conversations.

I was told shyness was my core problem several years ago...and thought the shrink was nuts.  "Look at me...see this flaming red hair and the fashion forward look I'm rocking :)???"

You need a friend who doesn't give f***all about what others think.  That was the most helpful thing..and still is for me. They will also let you know if you are going a little over the top.  On the other hand...giving out a weird vibe can keep people you really don't care about at arm's length:).  

You may want to check on  seeing doc about head meds..I take Klonopin (yeah I know it is an addictive drug)...so sick of that word ..becoming a fave cliche in U.S.

Know lots of  people have whatever they call it...social anxiety..agoraphobia..whatever.  Just chip away at social skills.  And don't be so hard on yourself.  What's wrong with  chilling when home?  Ditto...enjoying your own company. Keep your expectations reasonable.  The days of great expectations ended with Dickens:).

[mmjworks]

I have always been a pretty outgoing person until the last few years. I am bi-polar with anxiety. I started getting "new symptoms" that turned out to be Tardive Dyskenisia, from taking certain anti-psychotic meds. I think that's when it got worse. Now I don't want to go in public because someone will stare at me or I will think someone is staring at me.
I smoke Medical MJ for the TD it helps a little.

I really liked your encouraging comments!

[cj29]

I would also have to agree that you have a tremendous amount on your plate right now.  Also, remember, social anxiety is nothing to be ashamed of in my opinion.  You have recognized a problem and you want to confront it; that in itself takes much courage and willingness to better yourself.  Remember, to give yourself credit.  As far as confronting, this, are you open to getting counseling.  For me, talk therapy has been one of the most important steps I have taken in learning about anxiety.  In my experience, learning about it, makes it seem much less daunting and can put a specific approach with both short and long term goals to reach for....keep us posted!

[29sillygirl]

Hi you,
Glad you found my comments encouraging.
Thanks for additional information.
Noticed the post was from 2007, and thought I'd wasted my time:).

Ok.  Now we are getting down to the nitty gritty!  You are having trouble with TD (facial tics???) so of course you don't like heading out! Geez...so understandable.  Glad the medical pot helps some with this side effect.

Odd how it hits some ...and totally skips others.  I have a friend in my apt. building who takes two antipsycotics plus an antidepressant, and I've never noticed any sign of TD.

Back to you: I think we both suffer from social embarrassment.  A term I just made up!
After anal cancer and treatment, I put on 50 lbs and meds caused a horrible acne like condition on my face.  Once I startled a young kid when my daughter forced me out to Starbucks!  Yeah!  Sucked big time for a woman who used to get appreciative glances for her attractiveness.

I was able to stop med/try several others ...all with the nasty side  effect of acne...so now as I've already said...it's Klonopin.  Don't think you have option of quiting what is causing tics....or do you?

You must feel like an alien has invaded your body.  If you mention side effects to others as I have they usually tell you ...."We love you like you are".."You were always too thin"...yada yada yada.  Well...appearance matters.  You know it.  I know it.

So...how do we get you out a bit?  And feeling less strange about yourself?  As another member mentioned, therapy is usually very helpful.  A thought.  You may not be a therapy type guy.  

Enough for now.  Keep me posted.