Social Anxiety or just shy?

[emily5518]

shhh

Last summer, I discovered something called 'Social Anxiety' and felt that it described me perfectly. Whenever i'm in class and someone laughs or whispers, even if i don't talk to them, I feel like they're making fun of me. The thing is - I know they aren't, I just feel like they are and it makes me really insecure. I'm basically known as 'the quiet girl' in my grade because I only talk to one or two people. Some people even come to me and say "can you talk?" It makes me really sad because I CAN talk, it's just really hard for me to. In my Spanish class, we do this thing where we have to rotate around the classroom and talk to everybody. Even just thinking of that makes my heart speed up and when we have to do it in class, it's worse. The last time we did it, around 2 or 3 weeks ago, I was shaking so badly i couldn't write. There's also this girl who says hi to me a lot and all i can ever respond with is me mouthing hi back. She usually says something along the lines of "oh, okay, I was expecting a hi back but whatever" and I start to get really embarrassed because it's usually around other people and it looks like I'm just rude. Last week, I finally built up enough courage to tell my mom that I thought I could have Social Anxiety. She said, "No, you're just shy." I hated how she didn't even want to talk about it and it was something that was making my life difficult. Everyone has pointed out that I don't talk. I'm too scared to go to a concert because all those people would make me so uncomfortable and I know that even if I just make a small mistake, i'll end up dwelling over it for a long time and how embarrassing it was. My mom gets mad at me when I can't go shopping by myself, even if she's just 10 feet away from me in the same store, and I've told her many times that people will think i'm weird for shopping alone, or that i'm too young to be shopping alone or something like that. It's also with the clothes I wear. I don't wear band t-shirts in public because I think people will judge me for what I listen to and how it isn't "normal or mainstream". I am not completely comfortable around family, but i'm more comfortable around them than i am with friends or in public. I've been constantly thinking about if I actually have social anxiety or if I'm just shy. Help?

[Paxiled]

This isn't really social anxiety, not exactly.  Look, don't sweat labels.  Your problem is, you don't seem happy with who you are.  You're constantly judging yourself.  You worry about what people will think of you instead of being secure within yourself.  This is anxiety, but you don't say how young you are or how long this has been going on.  Some people are quite happy being by themselves.  You're clearly not, or if you are, you're judging that you shouldn't be this way.  Clearly, you are feeling very insecure.  Could be a phase, could be based on something you need and haven't gotten, could be an anxiety problem, depending on your age, could be an awkward time in your life that will go away.  Could be lots of things.  If it's affecting you as much as you indicate, it wouldn't hurt to talk it over with a therapist or counselor, and discuss it with your parents and closest friend.  But here's one piece of advice:  do you judge others if they wear a band shirt?  If you do, well, maybe that's why you think they're judging you.  If you don't, what makes you think they're judging you or even paying attention to such things?  This is what I mean by you need some help thinking this out.

[emily5518]

I am 14 years old, and I know that other people my age feel like people are judging them, that's why I asked this question. It doesn't seem to bother them like it bothers me, though. I don't really know exactly how long i've been feeling like this, but I know i've been feeling some of the symptoms since I was around 10 or 11. I tried to discuss it with my mom but she quickly dismissed it. I don't have a bond as strong with my dad like I do with my mom. Also, no, I don't judge others by the shirts they wear. I feel like someone will embarrass me because the artists I listen to aren't exactly "normal" according to most kids in my grade. I hear them make fun of the bands I listen to for no reason, but I still feel like other strangers are like that too.

[AnxiousNoMore]

No one can diagnose you from here, however Paxiled's first few  sentences seems to sum up a lot of your situation. You are only 14, so likely too young to start putting labels like "social anxiety sufferer" on yourself.


Perhaps when you have more life experiences behind you, you will look back on this time and think that you were overthinking your situation looking for clues to a problem that might not exist.