So I am starting to comtemplate if i am suffereing from social anxiety or something near that.. I went on a trip with a friend I was dating for about a week and barely talked. But I never talk around people unless I get to know them. I just say I'm shy. So she got mad because I wasnt talking and it made me mad just like it always does when people say that bc it seems like I talk alot but i guess not. So I told her I didn't feel comfortable and I just couldnt be myself with her. I felt like she always had something to say or was never interested in what I had to say and i told her i didnt like being judged. She started telling me that maybe i have social anxiety bc she used to be like that. So I broke down crying for a long time becuase I havent always been like this. It started in middle school. I just couldnt make friends. I became more self conscious and I didnt like teh way I looked or spoke. I didnt like my voice and I still dont. I dont speak infront of groups or with groups of friends because Im scared i will say something wrong or they will laugh. when i try, i sometime stutter on words and I twist my words around, like say one before teh other or I say the letter of another word with the wrong word if that makes sense. I always think about what I say before I speak. When someone calls me out in front of ppl I feel a hot flush come over my body and my heart beats heavy for a while. But sometimes I dont think about what Im goin to say and just speak my mind like i want. I just dont want to be like this. im 21 and i feel like i shouldnt feel awkward or shy infront of people. I shouldnt constantly think about what ppl will think about me when i speak or what i look like. should i just seek therapy? or am i just extremely shy?
Social Anxiety. Hmm. An interesting diagnosis from your friend. Defensive in my opinion.
Focusing on the trip for a moment: I picked up on a couple of possible problems. Your friend and you in close proximity for a week. That alone can bring out the worst in both, if you are very different. Your shyness, or reticence to engage her in conversation, seems to stem from your fear of her belittling you. Your silence may have been a passive aggressive way to deal with that fear. She reacted by diagnosing you with a nervous disorder. So all did not go well.
I am sorry you were so uncomfortable on the trip, which I assume was a vacation.
But, you did finally speak up and tell her how you felt. Good for you.
The larger issue is your shyness, which you say became apparent in middle school.
Shy people frequently wind up in a psychiatrist's office, complaining of problems like the ones you describe. A clinician will use the term social anxiety, a diagnosis, to advise therapy or medication to help you overcome it. I have the same difficulty, and when I was told I had 'the shy gene', refused to believe my doctor. I thought because I dressed flamboyantly, and was a free spirit in many ways, it couldn't be true...but it is.
It seems you are a shy person. That is not a bad thing at all. It is when you begin suffering from your shyness, withdrawing from people and activities that you want to do, does it become a problem. I recommend therapy for you, shy girl. Time to blossom!
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