Aa
Suicidal hurting bad again ....
Once again I am trying to reach out. I have been feeling suicidal for the past few hours - the emotional pain is overwhelming. I have prayed, smudged, re-read some postings on here and called the distress line but the suicidal feelings are still so strong. The feelings of lonlieness, helplessness and having no worth are consuming me. This is the only outlet I have to be honest about my feelings but still fear being judged. Reaching out is so difficult. Enduring this mental anguish is even worse, which is why I reach out. I feel so trapped and the idea of just falling asleep for good seems so appealing. Left a message for my shrink and hope she calls back. I just feel so much SELF HATRED!!!! Still hanging on by my fingernails and hugging my dogs; if hugging the dogs doesn't alleviate the mental and spritiual anguish then I know the suicidal feelings are real, not self-pity. Enough.
lonewolf
lonewolf
No, I am not on anti-depressants. The only one that helped was Prozac and even then I had talk therapy with the therapist and was in a group. Don't live alone - have four adullt offstrping and one still lives at home. #1 son is married with a baby boy named Lucas, #2 son just moved into a new house with his girlfriend - they worked really hard to get it, #4 daughter has decided she hates me and that I am the cause of everything bad that ever happened to her. Actually posted something about that and the questions help me think, see other perspectives, etc.
I do hug the cats and the dogs. They have an inredible sense of how I feel. I talk to the therapist but in the middle of the night when she isn't around, I find this forum helpful, painful sometimes but helpful.
Thank you for your message. I hope you write again.
lonewolf
I do hug the cats and the dogs. They have an inredible sense of how I feel. I talk to the therapist but in the middle of the night when she isn't around, I find this forum helpful, painful sometimes but helpful.
Thank you for your message. I hope you write again.
lonewolf
Are you on antidepressents is that why you are suicidal? Do you live alone? Call the hotline again if you need to talk someone will get you help. Just hug those dogs and look into their eyes they love you and need you..They know that you are hurting they can sense it and they dont want to loose you. We are here for you. You really need to open up with someone and talk to them so that they can help you.
stay in touch ok
stay in touch ok
Well hey! Don't you sound better!!! I'm so happy for you!
You know how I started a routine? It started with the simple thing of making my bed every morning. Not only did this give me the satisfaction that I DID something, but my bedroom looks so nice now. I feel lots better when my environment is picked up and neat. Plus, once the bed was made, it was harder to crawl back into it.
And good for you for getting up this morning. That's a good first step! I think if you can impliment a little bit of a routine each day, you will see a difference in your daily mood before you know it. Our bodies are made to sleep when it's dark, up when it's light. It took me a while to understand that. And, I know your dogs are thanking you for that walk. Dogs thrive on exercise (so do people) : )
I'm so glad you posted because I've been wondering about you.
Take care....
You know how I started a routine? It started with the simple thing of making my bed every morning. Not only did this give me the satisfaction that I DID something, but my bedroom looks so nice now. I feel lots better when my environment is picked up and neat. Plus, once the bed was made, it was harder to crawl back into it.
And good for you for getting up this morning. That's a good first step! I think if you can impliment a little bit of a routine each day, you will see a difference in your daily mood before you know it. Our bodies are made to sleep when it's dark, up when it's light. It took me a while to understand that. And, I know your dogs are thanking you for that walk. Dogs thrive on exercise (so do people) : )
I'm so glad you posted because I've been wondering about you.
Take care....
This is going to be short because I am unable to articulate what I am feeling. Thank you (seems too limited) for your comments and suggestions, which I sense come from a good spirit/soul. You are an inspiration and a bringer of hope. I believe God, The Great Mystery does things for a purpose - as a human I have weakness and have to remind myself to pray, smudge, go to ceremonies and ask God for strength and guidance.
Here's a big hug HUGHUGHUGHUG to help me blow those blues away.
lonewolf
Here's a big hug HUGHUGHUGHUG to help me blow those blues away.
lonewolf
Hi - I know I have times when I am more suicidal, anxious, depressed, etc. but am glad to have found this site and if nothing else realize others feel the same way - it's not feeling quite as alone as before but am also aware that could change. I intend to take the advice that has been given; it will take time but you know what "they" say about Rome being built in a day.
My grandson is almost ten mths old. I'll tell my son and his wife about the Elmo website since baby Lucas LOVES to learn and watch everything. They are really excellent parents - didn't even react when I gave Lucas a baby-sized Johnny Cash t-shirt, exactly like one I have. So when we go for a walk, folks will know what "fans" we are - walking the line.
lonewolf
My grandson is almost ten mths old. I'll tell my son and his wife about the Elmo website since baby Lucas LOVES to learn and watch everything. They are really excellent parents - didn't even react when I gave Lucas a baby-sized Johnny Cash t-shirt, exactly like one I have. So when we go for a walk, folks will know what "fans" we are - walking the line.
lonewolf
Yep, you made me laugh. I think JSGeare was the one who set up the friendship/
note thing - I'll have to ask him how he did it. Your suggestion about routine was
quite similar to "mystruggle" and I have noticed I do not have a routine - could give
excuses but that would do no good. Will have to develop a routine at my own speed,
whatever that might be. This morning it was really nice out, cold but sunny and although I usually take something to make me sleep instead of getting out of bed, I harnessed the Akita and the Siberian husky and they took me for a walk. When we got back, one of the cats looked at me like I was crazy for going out in the cold instead of staying warm = )
Hugs to you too .... lonewolf
note thing - I'll have to ask him how he did it. Your suggestion about routine was
quite similar to "mystruggle" and I have noticed I do not have a routine - could give
excuses but that would do no good. Will have to develop a routine at my own speed,
whatever that might be. This morning it was really nice out, cold but sunny and although I usually take something to make me sleep instead of getting out of bed, I harnessed the Akita and the Siberian husky and they took me for a walk. When we got back, one of the cats looked at me like I was crazy for going out in the cold instead of staying warm = )
Hugs to you too .... lonewolf
I'm so glad that you're still with us and seem to be doing better today. We all get desparate at times. You have A LOT to be grateful for! Especially your precious children and grandbaby. Everyone's suggestions on here are great! Take them.
Does your grandson like Elmo? I found this video on YouTube.com. Just copy and paste the following link to get to the site. Lately, when I've had a crappy day, I just come home and watch this video and it makes me smile. :) Elmo is so cute! (and the singer is not so bad either! (lol)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kNmtYf9-TLI
Anytime you feel this way again, don't be afraid to post or PM.
Take care
Does your grandson like Elmo? I found this video on YouTube.com. Just copy and paste the following link to get to the site. Lately, when I've had a crappy day, I just come home and watch this video and it makes me smile. :) Elmo is so cute! (and the singer is not so bad either! (lol)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kNmtYf9-TLI
Anytime you feel this way again, don't be afraid to post or PM.
Take care
I meant to add earlier how important it is to keep a daily schedule. A few years ago now I FINALLY started eating and most important, sleeping on a regular schedule. I used to stay up till 3am, sleep till noon, eat whenever and so on. This is an easy habit to get into when you don't have to be at work in the morning. Now I turn the light off by midnight and instead of taking another Xanax in the morning to go back to sleep like I used to, I make myself get up whenever I wake up even if it's only 5hrs later which frequently it is. The difference this all has made in my daily mood is noticable. Like mystruggle suggested, excercise is also very important when it come to ones mood. I started walking daily 8mos ago and it's helped a lot! Plus, your dogs will love you for it.
muwhaha.......my plan worked! I'm glad I made you laugh. Hey, I was thinking maybe you need to "Join" the forum in order to add a friend, but that can't be it because JSGeare shows up as a friend on your profile. For him to be there you must have either extended friendship or accepted. Do you remember how you did that?
Please join the forum anyway. Just click on "Join" at the top of the page. I hope today is better for you
Thinking of you......... (((HUGS)))
Please join the forum anyway. Just click on "Join" at the top of the page. I hope today is better for you
Thinking of you......... (((HUGS)))
1. exercise some, jog or take those dogs for a walk
2. eat atleast 3 good meals
3. post here and receive support
4. call your doc. get a therapist, see the theapist often
5. are you on any medication? it does help alot.
6. watch funny movies
7. get out of yourself. like i said. looking at the world though blurry glasses. your thoughts and emotions are NOT actions. actions are who we are. we are our actions not thoughts. and you actions prove that you want help, want to fight this, want to get better. remember that God NEVER gives us more than we can handle. it might feel that way sometimes, but it's not true. that is us trying to rationalize and take our own will back. do God's will. wake up and act "as if" you are already fine and dandy. go out and help others. there is magic in it. real magic in it i promise you this. when we help others, we are really helping ourselves.
8. pray, whatever your religion is, if you have no religion, just pray. it can NEVER hurt!
9. forgive.....when you forgive you forgive for yourself and God.
10. do not dwell on things you can't change. i would suggest making a list. on one said right things i can change on the other write things i cannot change. for the things you cannot change, give them up...stop trying to fight things you have no power over. on the ones you can change....get to work....take action. keep moving. keeping doing. motivation comes with doing! if we wait till we feel ready to do something, we never will. so just get out and do things.
you have ALOT to be thankful for. wonderful pets, children, grandchildren, the gift of life. it is a gift. so use this experience. no matter your gender, race, age, etc...you have the ability to do wonderful things. some authors didn't write their great works until they were like 70 years old. there is plenty for you to do. keep an open mind. take suggestions. the minute you start to feel depressed or have bad thoughts. immedialty write in a journal and then turn your thoughts over to helping someone else. by posting. writing a letter. praying for them. petting your dog. volunteer work, go fishing, go sit in the part and do deep breathing exercises. seek out people to help. whether it's small or great. in the end it will help you 10 fold. it comes back to us. it really does. you have people who really love you. remember that. spend time with people who care about you. the ones that don't aren't worth your time.
hope this helps. i've been depressed before and you must just get out and do things and then one day, you realize, damn....what was i thinking....it takes time....but it does happen...life isn't easy...but it is a beautiful thing and God has a way of making the worst suffering turn into the greatest blessings.....
you are not to blame for the things other people did to you. remember that. it's not cause you are defective, it's their wrong choices. not yours. you are good person. we can all see that. you are an assest to this world. whether you want to believe that or not at the moment....you are helping people here by showing your courage! never give up! NEVER EVER GIVE UP! especially the day before a miracle happens!
later....Jay
2. eat atleast 3 good meals
3. post here and receive support
4. call your doc. get a therapist, see the theapist often
5. are you on any medication? it does help alot.
6. watch funny movies
7. get out of yourself. like i said. looking at the world though blurry glasses. your thoughts and emotions are NOT actions. actions are who we are. we are our actions not thoughts. and you actions prove that you want help, want to fight this, want to get better. remember that God NEVER gives us more than we can handle. it might feel that way sometimes, but it's not true. that is us trying to rationalize and take our own will back. do God's will. wake up and act "as if" you are already fine and dandy. go out and help others. there is magic in it. real magic in it i promise you this. when we help others, we are really helping ourselves.
8. pray, whatever your religion is, if you have no religion, just pray. it can NEVER hurt!
9. forgive.....when you forgive you forgive for yourself and God.
10. do not dwell on things you can't change. i would suggest making a list. on one said right things i can change on the other write things i cannot change. for the things you cannot change, give them up...stop trying to fight things you have no power over. on the ones you can change....get to work....take action. keep moving. keeping doing. motivation comes with doing! if we wait till we feel ready to do something, we never will. so just get out and do things.
you have ALOT to be thankful for. wonderful pets, children, grandchildren, the gift of life. it is a gift. so use this experience. no matter your gender, race, age, etc...you have the ability to do wonderful things. some authors didn't write their great works until they were like 70 years old. there is plenty for you to do. keep an open mind. take suggestions. the minute you start to feel depressed or have bad thoughts. immedialty write in a journal and then turn your thoughts over to helping someone else. by posting. writing a letter. praying for them. petting your dog. volunteer work, go fishing, go sit in the part and do deep breathing exercises. seek out people to help. whether it's small or great. in the end it will help you 10 fold. it comes back to us. it really does. you have people who really love you. remember that. spend time with people who care about you. the ones that don't aren't worth your time.
hope this helps. i've been depressed before and you must just get out and do things and then one day, you realize, damn....what was i thinking....it takes time....but it does happen...life isn't easy...but it is a beautiful thing and God has a way of making the worst suffering turn into the greatest blessings.....
you are not to blame for the things other people did to you. remember that. it's not cause you are defective, it's their wrong choices. not yours. you are good person. we can all see that. you are an assest to this world. whether you want to believe that or not at the moment....you are helping people here by showing your courage! never give up! NEVER EVER GIVE UP! especially the day before a miracle happens!
later....Jay
Hi - I surely do appreciate your thoughts and comments. Besides my four dogs, I have three cats, one of them is 23 yrs old and HE is the BOSS. Also have two sons, two daughters and one grandson. Notice the dogs come first - that was unintentional. When I posted that "cry for help", I was desparate. After reading a few responses and getting extremely frustrated at my inability to add a friend or send a note, I received a message that I was going to be too confused to commit suicide and - you know - that person was right. I actually laughed.
Am so glad you wrote. Reaching out is really difficult for me and probably lots of other folks too.
lonewolf
Am so glad you wrote. Reaching out is really difficult for me and probably lots of other folks too.
lonewolf
I am so sorry you are feeling so much pain. No one should have to go through this. I don't know your story and why you are in so much pain but I have been there. I think everyone has been there at some point in their lives. My father passed away many years ago, I felt that emotional pain for what seemed like forever. It was like a part of me just died. Slowly but surely, I began to feel better and you will feel better too. It's a good thing that you're reaching out and you have your dogs (those smart dogs!) Give it time, it will get better. PLEASE continue to reach out. There are plenty of people who want to help you through this.
God bless....
God bless....
Just go to your inbox. There should be horn announcing that someone wants friendship. You can't miss it. Just click on it.
Do you ever watch the Dog Whisperer? I have never owned a dog, only cats, but that show has taught me so much about dog behavior my husband and I have talked of maybe having one some day. We are HUGE animal lovers. I can tell you are too.
Do you ever watch the Dog Whisperer? I have never owned a dog, only cats, but that show has taught me so much about dog behavior my husband and I have talked of maybe having one some day. We are HUGE animal lovers. I can tell you are too.
Hi FMXSMKR
I have been holding onto the dogs. They seem to sense my moods. The bigger dogs actually sit on me so I can't do anything till they sense I am not suicidal anymore. The small ones just sit there and stare with sad faces. Xan is right about pet therapy and I am going to take his suggestion.
Regarding crying - I have been and the shower thing - it seem incredible that you mention both these things since I have done both. The water seems so cleansing. Music helps too. Also called the distress center and spoke to someone there which helped; at least it helped enough to get me through the long, long hours of emotional pain.
Maybe I will look around at some of the other forums, beginning with addiction.
Megwich - thank you for the hugs .... hugs right back at you = )
PS: I will take another look at the friend thing .... still leaning my way around but being added or adding you as a friend sounds really good to me.
lonewolf
I have been holding onto the dogs. They seem to sense my moods. The bigger dogs actually sit on me so I can't do anything till they sense I am not suicidal anymore. The small ones just sit there and stare with sad faces. Xan is right about pet therapy and I am going to take his suggestion.
Regarding crying - I have been and the shower thing - it seem incredible that you mention both these things since I have done both. The water seems so cleansing. Music helps too. Also called the distress center and spoke to someone there which helped; at least it helped enough to get me through the long, long hours of emotional pain.
Maybe I will look around at some of the other forums, beginning with addiction.
Megwich - thank you for the hugs .... hugs right back at you = )
PS: I will take another look at the friend thing .... still leaning my way around but being added or adding you as a friend sounds really good to me.
lonewolf
Thank you so much for your comments and suggestions. I have been checking out places where I can take my dog(s) and am waiting for their replies. The dogs have to be assessed but at least two of them have excellent temprements and like people - of all kinds. In the meantime, they are therapy for me.
I think your idea is just great.
lonewolf
I think your idea is just great.
lonewolf
Oh, and you sent me a PM this morning to extend friendship. I accepted and PM'd you back, but I haven't heard from you yet.
I'm waiting.........: )
I'm waiting.........: )
I was going to say almost the same thing as xan did. Hold your dogs tight until morning if you have to. They love and depend on you and they NEED you. Please don't leave them and don't leave us.
I'm sure your doctor will hear your anguish and call back soon if not already. I didn't see your post right away, otherwise I would have answered sooner.
If your not crying already, then just let yourself go so that tightness in your chest will ease up a little. Get into the shower for a few minutes and let the hot water wash over you. Then get out and hold your dogs some more and if you don't feel even the slightest bit better, then call the suicide hotline again.
One other thought. Sometimes I will visit the Addiction forum just because it's always hopping over there and sometimes there are some pretty funny threads going on. It can be a good place to fill time. It's a bit slow on this forum at this time of night. If you can't relate to the addiction forum AT ALL then I apologize for the suggestion. I'm just trying to think of something that will yank your mind from the focus it's on right now.
We need you here lonewolf and we will NEVER judge you so you better keep posting : )
Thinking of you and sending you BIG HUGS.....
I'm sure your doctor will hear your anguish and call back soon if not already. I didn't see your post right away, otherwise I would have answered sooner.
If your not crying already, then just let yourself go so that tightness in your chest will ease up a little. Get into the shower for a few minutes and let the hot water wash over you. Then get out and hold your dogs some more and if you don't feel even the slightest bit better, then call the suicide hotline again.
One other thought. Sometimes I will visit the Addiction forum just because it's always hopping over there and sometimes there are some pretty funny threads going on. It can be a good place to fill time. It's a bit slow on this forum at this time of night. If you can't relate to the addiction forum AT ALL then I apologize for the suggestion. I'm just trying to think of something that will yank your mind from the focus it's on right now.
We need you here lonewolf and we will NEVER judge you so you better keep posting : )
Thinking of you and sending you BIG HUGS.....
Reach out for your dogs and hold them until you can talk to someone about this. When you wake up tomorrow, find the convalescent home that we wrote about and start the pet therapy that you know will help others. Take that first step - you will be surprised by how you feel by giving to others. Being around those who are so much less fortunate is going to open up a new window into your soul.
And, I know that your pain is real....we're here for you....no one is judging you here...
By your writings here, it's obvious that you have so much to offer - it's time to open up and give your love and caring to some other poor, lonely souls. Please go tomorrow...
and bring your loving dogs. Share your love...
And, I know that your pain is real....we're here for you....no one is judging you here...
By your writings here, it's obvious that you have so much to offer - it's time to open up and give your love and caring to some other poor, lonely souls. Please go tomorrow...
and bring your loving dogs. Share your love...
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