Teen son told me to commit suicide

My son recently has become verbally and physically abusive.  The timing coincided with his father filing for sole custody of his son several months ago.  I saw my son two weeks ago for 5 days.  My son verbally abused me the entire time.  He tried and tried and tried to provoke me into an argument and I am proud of myself for resisting though it was horribly painful.  He repeaded that I was a disgusting person.  He told me I might as well commit suicide because I was beyond help.  (His father remarried after we divorced and his wife committed suicide shortly thereafter.)  I do not want to contest his father taking custody because my son is abusive.  The child who was the most  affectionate now wishes I was dead. My son needs help but has refused recent therapy attempts.  Do I completely let go?  I am overwhelmed by the thought that this is a "death" of sorts, of my child.

I am no sainted mother but I am a good parent who loves her children dearly.  I never thoguht in a million years that a child of mine would loathe me.  Rebel?  A possibility.  Dislike me?  Could happen.  Want me dead?  I know I do not deserve this.

(This is not the only child.  This is the child that the father has focused on for custody.)

[remar]

hi, i'm sorry to here your going through this. your son is going through alot right now too. i would not give up on him. what about joint custody? he's lashing out because he's mad and can't deal with what's going on. maybe he thinks you want to give him up, that's why he's treating you like this. divorce can be so very hard on the kids and they get forgotten about. i would keep telling him you love him but you will not argue with him. if he wants to treat you with respect then you'll talk. try to give him special attention. he does need to get into therapy to deal with his anger. i hope everyhting works out for all of you. take care. remar

[LORDINEEDHELP]

i was  step parent of my husbands 1st child since she was seven currently she is 2 months shy of 21 and honestly it was the bigest struggel in my life to deal with a mean nasy at time hatefull things came out of this child i knew really had nothing to do with me yet i made it through! kids will blam the easiest target i found out the hard way i was called a ***** a heffer a looser everything in the book all of them and when she got angry it was always at me im not a good mother i treat my kids better all of it her bio mother took her life after abandoning her and giving custody to us lived only 3 hours away and still no contact i used to beg this woman please dont do this it will ruin this child two years befor she graduated highschool her mother overdoesed herself with alachol and a pricrip drug for some kind of twitch in her face the facts are not all there and she will never get the answere she needed or the chance to find out anything but the grief this child felt came out of the cracks and in many different ways your son im not sure his age yet appears to be rebelling on his hurt and does not care about anyone right now just his anger and he will get through this you have to just keep telling him you love and care about him and it is okay to tell him that he is hurting your feelings and he will here it he may act as if he does not care but it will stay inside of him till he has a chance to reflect on more then his current anger so sorrry this is happening to you keep your chin up and i will be around  if you need to chat or vent
take care of yourself and think positive i did not always yet it did pay off latter!
Theresa