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The urge to contact 911...
Do any other anxiety patients suffer the intense urge to be near a phone all the time? I OBSESS over my health (particularly the cardiovascular side of things) and fear going too far away from civilization or a populated area: okay, honestly, too far from a hospital! I know that I suffer from anxiety/panic disorder, but, I spend every waking hour consumed by visions of me passing out/dying suddenly without anyone to help me. I also spend every waking hour making sure my cell is fully charged w/full service. Also, the urge to call 911 (against my better judgement) is almost an instinct. I genuinely feel, that if I began to feel faint or go black, that I could dial 9-1-1; that's how quick I think I'll be to the draw. I've turned it into a reflex: "If something serious comes up, I'll have seconds to get word out! Boo-yah!" I also only live minutes away from a dispatch station. When I had my first attack ever, I DID call emergency services, and they were there in under 4 minutes! With my fear of SCD (Sudden Cardiac Death) consuming me, I find it comforting that I have my own little survival plan in place. I'm so well attuned to my anxiety sensations that I'll know when something is truly wrong. "It's 2012: my call just has to get through, and they should have a location on me, and the rest is up to fate" (as I constantly think to myself). Now, I know that this will never come to pass. I've had 9 doctors tell me the same thing in overwhelming fashion: "YOU ARE FINE!" I've had all the tests, and everything comes back normal/negative, time after time! It's just a littel disturbing that I'm still holding onto this "Don't stray too far from the phone/hospital" thought pattern. Does this strike a familiar chord with anyone else?
Well, hold on to the fact that you're better than you were before!! That's great! Just keep working at it, however you find success.
Meds certainly aren't for everyone. You and I definitely disagree. Medications literally gave me my life back, on more than one occasion. A combination of meds and therapy took me from being housebound, to being almost completely anxiety free. It's a very personal and unique choice for sure.
Meds certainly aren't for everyone. You and I definitely disagree. Medications literally gave me my life back, on more than one occasion. A combination of meds and therapy took me from being housebound, to being almost completely anxiety free. It's a very personal and unique choice for sure.
Very interesting! Well, just to let you know, I've been through the whole group therapy phase, the one on one phase, the CBT phase, and even a Prozac phase (which was the least successful). I'm not a fan of pharmaceutical medications, nor have I ever been. My current regimen should be reevaluated, I suppose. Believe me, I'm 200% times better than I was 4 months ago. I actually haven't had an attack since early March! What I have now is a general sense of feeling unwell (ie: dizzy/unsteady, excessive thirst, fatigue, lack of motivation, etc.) I have no trouble getting out and about, and am actively, albeit nervously, searching for a job. But, I still hold onto this "extreme" little obsession, or the troubling images pertaining to the obsession...I guess I have to do my "STOP sign" technique. Also, I'm taking B vitamins (B6 and B12) with a small natural dose of L-Tryptophan daily. SO much better than poisoning yourself with chemicals and toxins that toy with something as delicate as your neurological chemistry. Either way, thank you for your time and advice! Nice to know that I'm not the only one that had (or has) to keep something by my side in order to feel some sense of normality...
I'm sure MANY can relate. All you have to do is read a little, and you'll see dozens of people who know the ER staff of their local hospital intimately. Your "obsession" with 911 is basically like a compulsion. Like you said, it's a "plan" you have that comforts you, at least momentarily. Problem is....like most of us anxiety/panic sufferers, you've taken it to the extreme, where, if you didn't have your phone with you for ANY reason, you'd go instantly into panic mode, and that is not coping.
What kind of help have you sought for the panic? Have you ever tried any meds? Therapy? I strongly urge you to either seek some help, or talk to your doc about your current regimen if you are on one, because it is clearly not effective for you.
CBT, or cognitive behavioral therapy is a wonderful approach to treating panic disorder. Your therapist will work with you to replace that white knuckled phone holding need with other, more reasonable coping mechanisms, until you have the fear under control. Those kind of changes take time, much like taking a security blanket away from a child, but with some help, some work on your part, and patience, it can be done!
I'll share with you MY little "safety measure". Mine is a bit stranger. As you may know, almost everyone with panic disorder has a very specific fear that overshadows any other fear...it becomes their primary 24/7 worry. Yours is SCD, mine is me having a panic attack and losing control of my bowels. No kidding. When I panic, the very FIRST thing I have to do is poop...right NOW, so I've been terrified of having an accident. So, my compulsion was, ANYWHERE I went (even 2 minutes away), I had to have a little bag with TP and a change of clothes, JUST in case. Any time I would leave the house, my little "poopy" bag was with me. One time, my hubby cleaned out of the car, and took it out (btw, he used to make me laugh about it). WELL, we went somewhere, and the SECOND I realized I didn't have my BM tote (lol)...instant horrific panic. It was a nightmare. It's been a LONG time since I've needed to have my "bag" with me, thank GOD, so it CAN be done. I was exactly the same as you are with your phone and the urge to call 911. You can work through those fears and compulsions with a professional.
I know my example is a little bit less "serious" and a lot more "weird", but the basic premises are the same...the fear, our "plan", and the need to always be prepared for the "worst case scenario", which btw, is called "catastrophizing". That's when a person always imagines the worst possible scenario. For you, it's to fall dead with a heart attack, or similar, for me, it was pooping my pants. Mine certainly was a hell of a lot more likely than yours EVER would be. To give you some factual reassurance, SCD is actually MUCH more rare than you probably think it is...and in the vast majority of cases, there WERE very clear signs leading up to the event that something was wrong...they just went ignored. You would have a better chance of getting struck by lightning...really.
So, yes, many of us (most probably) can definitely comiserate with you. I urge you to take action to start addressing this, as it isn't a healthy way to live, and with the help available, you just don't have to keep suffering.
What kind of help have you sought for the panic? Have you ever tried any meds? Therapy? I strongly urge you to either seek some help, or talk to your doc about your current regimen if you are on one, because it is clearly not effective for you.
CBT, or cognitive behavioral therapy is a wonderful approach to treating panic disorder. Your therapist will work with you to replace that white knuckled phone holding need with other, more reasonable coping mechanisms, until you have the fear under control. Those kind of changes take time, much like taking a security blanket away from a child, but with some help, some work on your part, and patience, it can be done!
I'll share with you MY little "safety measure". Mine is a bit stranger. As you may know, almost everyone with panic disorder has a very specific fear that overshadows any other fear...it becomes their primary 24/7 worry. Yours is SCD, mine is me having a panic attack and losing control of my bowels. No kidding. When I panic, the very FIRST thing I have to do is poop...right NOW, so I've been terrified of having an accident. So, my compulsion was, ANYWHERE I went (even 2 minutes away), I had to have a little bag with TP and a change of clothes, JUST in case. Any time I would leave the house, my little "poopy" bag was with me. One time, my hubby cleaned out of the car, and took it out (btw, he used to make me laugh about it). WELL, we went somewhere, and the SECOND I realized I didn't have my BM tote (lol)...instant horrific panic. It was a nightmare. It's been a LONG time since I've needed to have my "bag" with me, thank GOD, so it CAN be done. I was exactly the same as you are with your phone and the urge to call 911. You can work through those fears and compulsions with a professional.
I know my example is a little bit less "serious" and a lot more "weird", but the basic premises are the same...the fear, our "plan", and the need to always be prepared for the "worst case scenario", which btw, is called "catastrophizing". That's when a person always imagines the worst possible scenario. For you, it's to fall dead with a heart attack, or similar, for me, it was pooping my pants. Mine certainly was a hell of a lot more likely than yours EVER would be. To give you some factual reassurance, SCD is actually MUCH more rare than you probably think it is...and in the vast majority of cases, there WERE very clear signs leading up to the event that something was wrong...they just went ignored. You would have a better chance of getting struck by lightning...really.
So, yes, many of us (most probably) can definitely comiserate with you. I urge you to take action to start addressing this, as it isn't a healthy way to live, and with the help available, you just don't have to keep suffering.
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