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Avatar universal

Thoughts?

Hi everyone,
I'm really new to this as I never thought I'd be writing in a forum like this.  My situation is pretty standard I guess.  I guess I've always been a fearful person.  My main trigger is thoughts of losing a close loved one or dying really young and not having a chance at typical life experiences.  I went through a pretty bad HIV scare recently.  It was theoretically possible I could have gotten it from the encounter but the odds were astronomical that I didn't.  Well, needless to say, I went into full blown panic mode, couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't focus on anything else.  Walked around like I had this disease.  Fortunately, I tested negative.  I have been doing better but recently something happend and I'm back to feeling like I did before.
My mother went in to her dermatologist and they found a two things that they biopsied.  The person she saw never mentioned that it could be melanoma but rather it could be a non-spreading very curable cancer (i.e. not a big deal in the slightest) or it could be a mole or whatever.  I know I'm not a dermatologist but now I can't get the thought its this rare type of melanoma that is the deadliest and that my mother only has months to live.  I've been throwing up, can't sleep, feel like the heart is going to explode.  Do you think I should seek medical attention for this anxiety?  thank you
19 Responses
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460185 tn?1326077772
They still haven't received the results?  I'd be inclined to keep phoning to make sure they haven't misplaced them.

Anxiety can be so powerful.  I can't remember how often I've had myself in my grave because of anxiety.

I hope your mother's tests are fine.  Sometimes the waiting is worse than the results - but hopefully they are good results.

Hugs to you ....

wolf


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Avatar universal
That is awesome work on the worrying stuff or rather the 'not' worrying. LOL
Those numbers are exactly what I was thinking about as far as being informed - good job on that!

One thing I think we can all agree on is the more positive we put in place, the less negative can squeeze in and take over. Please do that for yourself. (I'm working on it and it's much nicer!) Your mind already is in a tizzy and those negative things we say to ourselves make our brains feel like an inbred lion with a mad-on is running around inside there - don't feed it's ugly face!

Be kind to yourself. Smart, sensitive, caring, kind, and compassionate...sound like anyone you know? Look in the mirror because every one of your posts on your efforts especially on your mother's behalf, scream to me all those words and more.

I just told someone again today that being an 'in-va-lid does not make me in-val'-id.(One of my favorite sayings).

You have anxiety - don't let it have you.

Be "gooder" than good K? = )

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Avatar universal
Hi,
I am doing pretty good today.  I'm trying to live in the present and enjoy that today is what is important.  I am also doing better believing that the rare type of melanoma I am worried about is indeed VERY rare.  In fact I did the math.  Here it is so you can see how foolish I've been about my mom having this.
55,000 new cases of melanoma a year
15% is nodular melanoma=8250 cases
non-pigmented melanoma cases is 5% of 8250 = 412
more men than women get this so its around 200 women in the ENTIRE country that get this per year.  So the chances are pretty good I would think for me not to worry too much.  I just so badly want the results but it'll probably be another 2 or 3 days.  

I am taking your advice gma2 and staying off the internet looking at cancer pics.  I am NOT a doctor and cannot diagnose a skin bump by looking at pics on the internet.  I HAVE to trust that the doctors/nurses know their stuff and are most likely EXTREMELY conservative when attempting to diagnose things.  It makes sense, if they want to be 100% sure what it is they biopsy it.  Thats a very good thing in my opinion because they want to be sure.  I am thankful that the care is that good.

a BIG HUGE THANK YOU for everyone's support.  this forum is truly a gift because I can talk to people who know how I feel.  thats very comforting. thank you!
-A

P.S. lonewolf07 I totally am superstitious too.  I would not have flown on the 13th!  I think adding superstitions to anxiety makes things a lot worse
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460185 tn?1326077772
You've really got lots of support  = )

Just my two cents .... I can relate to the panic and everything you describe.  My daughter flew to Vancouver on Fri 13 and I freaked out because I'm superstitious - had a panic/anxiety attack because of superstition.  You've received a lot of good advice from good and caring people.

Hugs to you ....

And BugHugs to Nursegirl  = )


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Avatar universal
Not crazy in the least. Overwhelming yourself with information is not being "informed" - it just scares the bee-hoozits outta ya. (And for the land's sake [you did I bet!] do not, I repeat, do not look at those horrible cancer pics -  well, don't no more - they'd scare anyone!

It sounds like they are on top of this and being as Basal Cell is the easiest to treat, and does NOT (remember that okay) does NOT come with a death sentence. It is very, very rare in fact since it is so easily diagnosed and easily treatable, and like you said doesn't spread.

Your mom, by now, knows what to look for and she and her doctor will do the work in this. Please try to find a place in your heart for acceptance. Accept they are taking care of it, and accept you don't need to worry, especially if your mom isn't and her doc isn't.

Got little ones around? Worry about something right smack dab in front of you - a dirty diaper? worry about a diaper rash and change it and *poof* there goes that worry - got pets? worry about the food and water dishes being full -check them, fill them and *poof*

See what I mean tho? There are things right in front of us that need our attention - that's what we should worry about taking care of. Ok?  

You know what? I am a big fretter! I fret wondering if I should be worried. Now that is just plain stupid, not crazy, just stupid. I fret b4 anything happens and fret when it does - worse yet I fret if it doesn't because I just know somewhere I missed something then.

So, lets both work on that. I for one am making big strides in other things - I will add that to my list if you will. Lets put worry where it belongs...only when something actually happens! Not b4 something happens, not if something happens, not because something didn't happen...when something actually happens and you look around you and other people are worried too. Then you know your worrying is valid. Until then don't worry two, three or four times about something that may not ever develop. How's that?

Tag your it. LOL

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Avatar universal
hi,
it wasn't her or her docs that are concerned about melanoma.  they only did a biopsy to see if it is a different type of skin cancer, a BCC, which while malignent doesn't spread and is no big deal.  It was stupid me for going on the internet and reading up on all different types of skin cancer and then decided her docs must have misdiagnosed or ignorned the possibility that it could be this rare form of melanoma.  Crazy right?  My mom isn't worried at all about it.  Its only me.  and you are right its the not knowing and going through all of the possibilities that could happen, particularly the horrible ones and driving myself crazy.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Has she been to the docs and been told of a possibility - like she needs biopsies done? Is that why you feel she is dying? If/When your mom has been diagnosed with Melanoma try to turn that worry into helping her through it. People live a good while past diagnosis if it is caught early, and don't forget the recent successes of treatment for this. Read up on it, gather info for both you and your mom and if you can concentrate on being her support system, you will be less likely to spend so much time being worked up about it yourself. Helping others is so freeing.

With that said, that doesn't negate your concern. So what to do? Again, be informed. That is key to 'knowing what is going on', and until you know...it's the not knowing that will getcha. = (

I wish I could grab the worry from your post and put it in my shredder. I really do.

They probably won't call you now until Monday - be prepared for that. It's always a waiting game.There is a lot involved in the referral process. I would say if you haven't heard anything by noon or so on Monday, give them a call back and ask for the status of your referral.

Hang in there.
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Avatar universal
So I've had a pretty rough morning.  I'm 100% convinced that my mother has uncurable melanoma and will be dead in the near future.  I cannot get these thoughts out of my head and my heart is racing.  I've cried a bit today already.  i'm just having a rough time and the counseling place I was refered to yesterday still has not called me back.  ugh
Helpful - 0
346570 tn?1267500027
I am so sorry you are going through all of this right now. Its understandable why you have anxiety. I have a lot in common with your situation, and I can completely relate to what you are going through. As always the good people of this forum have rushed to your aid with some awesome advice, thats great! But if you every need to talk, send me a message, OK =)

Crystal
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Avatar universal
Absolutely - anxiety and thyroid go hand in hand skipping tra-la-la down the street together like best buds. Here is something from my own research on it (I ended up with Graves disease and then hypothyroidism (once they radiated the excess hormones out of my thyroid, and am on meds the rest of my life for it).

Here's that info:

If you're experiencing anxiety and/or panic, some of the most important tests you should have done are thyroid tests. Anxiety and panic attacks are common symptoms of hyperthyroidism. Other anxiety/panic symptoms that may indicate thyroid disease include palpitations, tremors, insomnia, difficulty concentrating, eye problems, muscle weakness, and weight issues.
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535294 tn?1219930112
Whatever works for you, go for it. If therapy and counseling work and you don't need medication that would be wonderful. If they don't there are so many options for medications, the right doctor will find what's right for you.

Don't be too hard on your Dad...people that do not have anxiety disorders really cannot understand what it's like.

My best suggestion is see the doctors, therapists, and stay in touch in this forum when you can, we're all in the same boat, so to speak. It has really helped me to find a place with so many really wonderful people that can all relate and understand what it's like.

Good Luck!

Suzy
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Avatar universal
Oh also my FNP took blood to look for some thyroid issues?  She said something wrong with my thyroid could be causing all of this?  Is this common?  I certainly have never heard that.  thanks!
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Avatar universal
Thank you for all your helpful comments!
Well yesterday evening I went into a full fledged attack and my mother ended up taking me to the emergency room.  I talked to a nurse and then was told it would be another 1-2 hours before I could see a "screener" since we had to pick up family at the airport we couldn't stay.  I was still reeling in the car and didn't feel calm until about 2 hours after we left.

I then went to my GP today and saw an FNP and she basically said that it is anxiety, its normal, particularly at my age 22 and particularly after suddenly losing a family member (my g'pa died in Feb) and she said I should seek a counselor but was happy to perscribe me some medication.  I was very hesitant because she didn't say a particular name and did say that there are side effects.  I thought she was a bit too quick in looking to give me some medication.  NOt that I don't believe that certainly people do need medication and its great that there are soooo many options but at this point until I talk to a counselor I don't want to start taking something.  She gave me a referal to see a group of Nurse Practinioners with whom I left a message to schedule an appt.  they haven't called back so far.

The worst part is I was supposed to go out to another state for my summer job but had to delay it by 2 weeks now and my boss is upset at me for "not holding up my end of the deal" and saying he can't get other help even though I told him 2 weeks ago that I would certainly not take it personally if he wanted to find someone else.  Nevermind the fact that he orginally said 30ish hours a week and when I got my schedule two weeks ago it looks like it will be more around 15-17hours (and I'm not holding up my end?) so now when I get out there I have to find a second job...lets add that to the pile.

I'm trying a lot of self-talk today and trying to stay busy so I think that has helped.  I have also webbed where I think there are lots of anxiety issues.  My dad is also not very understanding of what I'm going through and is worried I won't have a job this summer but all I can say and think back to that is that I don't feel like me right now and I NEED to sort this all out before anything else can happen.

I hope you are all having a good day and please if you have any suggestions or thoughts I'd be very open to hearing them!
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480448 tn?1426948538
You've received simply wonderful suggestions...and you are on the right track!  Anxiety like this can be so upsetting and frustrating.  Believe me when I say that you are NOT alone and that soo many of us have been, or are still...in your shoes.

There are MANY different treatment modalities for anxiety...something different works for each person.  Yes, it CAN be treated without meds.  Some people refuse to give it a go WITHOUT meds...and others refuse to put a pill near them...it's all in what you are comfortable with.

Best thing you can do is go into all of this with an open mind...do not rule ANYTHING out, but like gma said...don't feel pressured to do something you aren't entirely comfortable with.  You can ALWAYS make changes down the line.  CBT has been so helpful for so many people...and you seem to be quite self-aware of your feelings, your thoughts, and the fact that a lot of them are irrational (or in the least exacerbated).  Those qualities will make therapy very successful for you IMO.

Best of luck...please stick around and get the support you need here...we all learn from each other and support one another, b/c we are all cut from a very similar cloth!
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Avatar universal
Chiming in here. It sounds to me (and correct me if I'm wrong) like you do not care to be on medications, or at least are hesitant to go on them. How great that is that you want to treat this with something other than meds!

One thing we tend to forget is that it is entirely up to us to decide if we want that medication or not. It is not wrong for you to say to your doctor, "Is there an alternative treatment for what I am going through"? Be upfront about it if you don't care to try the medication route as the first option.

It's unfortunate but "they" like to have you do both, take meds while seeing a therapist. You have every right to just do the talk therapy, though!

Typically, talk therapy (called CBT - Cognitivioral Behavior Therapy) is the #1 thing that helps the best for anxiety or anxiety related problems; What they will do in talk therapy is help you sort out why you are having these thoughts (because somewhere inside you IS a reason) and then help you to deal with them, and hopefully be free of them someday.

Maybe check out some of the common meds; maybe print out the info on it and take it with you to the doc so if medication is brought up, you and the doc can go over the medication thoroughly before that script is written. Being well-informed is key to making decisions on this.

Here are some of the common ones that might be brought up:
Ativan,Xanax,Valium,Trofranil,Elavil,Effexor,Prozac,Zoloft,Paxil,Lexapro,Wellbutrin,Celexa.
There are so many more, but if you have info on at least these you will have it pretty much covered.

Remeber you are in control of what goes into your body. IMHO they tend to prescribe way to easily these days.

Once you find a "good" CBT you will probably feel somewhat better after the first session and for sure after the second. It does take time, though. This didn't happen overnight, it cannot be fixed overnight.

I wish you well.
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Avatar universal
Hi,
I called and left a message on my GPs referral service line so hopefully I'll be hearing back from them soon.  My other question is can anxiety be succesfully treated without medication?  
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535294 tn?1219930112
If you have a regular GP that you are comfortable with, that's where I'd start. My GP is the only doctor I have ever seen regarding my anxiety and he is wonderful. I had no idea what was wrong with me in the beginning except that my life was falling apart and no idea how to cope with it. We had to experiment with different medications for a bit, but finally we got everything under control. If your GP feels you need more specialized care, I'm sure he or she will refer you.
Relax and try not to worry too much, but very often logic and anxiety just don't go together....call your doctor...check back and let me know how you're doing.
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Avatar universal
Thank you for your comments.  How do I go about seeking medical attention?  Do I call my GP or a hotline?  I'm completely clueless about this stuff.  As for my mother....the results aren't do for another week or so.  I mean I've talked to her about it and she is not at all worried based on what her doctor said so there is NO logical reason for me to be this worried.  I'm going on all sorts of sites but it doesn't matter as I am no where near being a doctor and its foolish to think I could diagnose what my mom has by looking at photos online but I can't stop.  Ugh I'm so frusterated.
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535294 tn?1219930112
Medical attention is always a good idea....even if it's not an anxiety disorder that needs medication or treatment. When I have an anxiety attack I have the rapid heartbeat, or as you put it, the feeling that my heart is going to explode...I don't throw up and rarely can't sleep, but everyone's signs are different.
It's perfectly normal for you to be anxious about your earlier HIV scare, and again about your mother. I would suggest that you also talk to your mother or her doctor, find out what her diagnosis actually is and do some research.  
As someone who has been battling anxiety for years, I can sometimes have the most irrational thoughts...it's a wonder my husband is still with me. Instead of just shrugging things off and knowing there is a logical explanation, I assume the worst. I know it's irrational, I just can't help it. Just last week I tried to reach my husband at work...emailed, texted him, called his cell phone 3 times, sent myself into a full-blown panic attack...I was sure something horrible had happened to him. Turns out he was just really busy, and forgot his cellphone at home.
Suzy
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