Told to come here - HIV and other things

[pablo_papito]

I crossed the line in the HIV Prevention Forum.

Although I know I had no risk, the thoughts come uninvited to my mind and kill my joy of living (when not thinking about AIDS I am am a very happy person).

Bottom line is that I cut myself and immediately after a HIV+ friend touched it by reflex for less than a second (I was bleeding, 1 cm cut). They said to me that even if he was bleeding I was at no risk, and my brain believs it. All the information that I read here and MANY other sources force me to agree.

The thing is that my mind turned into a machine of "what ifs", obviously thinking in the worst scenario, I can´t help it.

I have a history of HIV paranoia from sex exposures (8 negative tests in 17 years - one of the when my ex-girlfriend told me she was pregnant).

Recently I changed my life dramatically, I am an alcoholic and am sober for 6 months since I came to live at the beach, lots of sports and very healthy nutrition, 25 pounds less, no unprotected sex, quitted smoking to. No cocaine for more than a year. Completely clean.

All was well, then I made this HIV+ friend and almost any situation make me evaluate if I was at risk or not. My mom says that I HAVE to be worried with something always.

Almost all my life (since the first situation with HIV exposure), lost the ability of accept happines, sometimes thinking that it is too much for me to deserve.

Anyone can help me? It has been very difficult to think about a "happy" future.

Writing knowing that someone is reading calms me.

Thanks in advance to wonderful Greenlydia (you are an angel), I don´t want to be a pain, I am a normal guy, just want to move on, build my life.

Thank you and sorry for the long text

[crambone]

id say stay away from hiv people!!,,you never know right?..lol
seriously though,inless they too were bleeding and you rubbed your two bleeding wounds together,i dont think you were ever at any risk.
i too worry about alot of ****,and i strongly believe thats they reason for half my aches and pains.
i dont know anyone hiv+ that im aware of,but if i did,,,i wouldnt be little them touch any of my cuts or come into contact like that...maby a hug if that felt bad,thats about it!!
i hate to be like that,but my luck id end up hiv+ and full of unwanted anxiety too!

[dizzlle]

im not even sure where to start here. I have no fear of hiv  it is not something easy to catch. My daughter was diagnosed with it two years ago.she has had it for six years and been married for 4 of them. her husband does not have hiv nor does her daughter who is now 1 and a half.She is pregnant again and expecting in june.People often have a fear of things they dont know about. personaly i would sooner have hiv than diabetes.. i think it is much easyer to look after

[cmur06]

I understand your concerned about HIV and can't seem to get it out of your head, which sometimes happen, but you can't let the what-ifs effect you.

One, HIV is incredibly hard to catch.  And there is absolutely NO REASON that you have to avoid or "stay away" from them, they are normal people just like everyone else.

Lastly, try finding a counselor to help cope with your HIV anxiety I'm sure you two can work through it and it will help put you at ease.

[pablo_papito]

Thank you all. I am felling much better today.

As for the anxiety, it is like when you "solve" the problems in your head they seem to come to live with new ways of possibilities.

I know HIV+ people are like every human being, and feel guilty for my behavior.

I amlmost had a collapse in the HIV forum because of this "incredibly hard to catch" fact. They did not explain in my posts very well, but now I understand better.

What makes me nuts (and certainly lots of people), is that lots of sites tell you that if you simply touch blood with a cut, Bang! You know what I mean.

If anyone could tell me something or share I would be more than thankful.

God bless you

[cmur06]

Well is the person you came in contact one definitely HIV+, because even if you came in contact with someones blood chances are they aren't even HIV+.  

HIV is hard to catch to begin with, and no one has EVER gotten HIV from touching someones blood regardless of cuts/scratches.  And think of how many people come into contact with blood that way, accidentally touching it, and they are all fine.

HIV is only transmitted through:
mother to child
sharing injected needles with someone who is HIV+
having unprotected vaginal/anal sex with someone who is HIV+

But like I said, I would really suggest a counselor, we are not doctors or at least for my self I'm not a mental health professional, so I would really try to speak with someone closer at home if possible.  

Or merely just go and get tested at an STD free clinic, your results will definitely come back negative and 3 months is conclusive and at 3 months there is no such things a false negatives.  You can even get checked sooner, if you wish to even just put your mind at ease lots of the time its a good indication of your status, which will be negative :)

[silverberg]

I read allot of post from people who come here from the HIV forums and I use to think it was the HIV forum, but after reading "allot of post" realized that THEY 'HIV FORUM' are correct in sending people over here, they can not help you with your anxiety issues, they can only give you facts on HIV then it is up to you to take them facts and work with them. simple saying: you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink.

Your statements have nothing to do with "knowing a HIV person"  everyone of here I will tell you knows at least 10 or have crossed paths with HIV men and women, knowing or unknowing. so enough of that. "you don't catch HIV" like the flu.

I would really suggest you EDUCATE YOURSELF ON HIV, hit the books and most importantly get to know more hiv people (talk in open forums) then even do volunteer work at hiv clinic or serving meals, THE ONLY WAY TO WORK ON YOUR ANXIETY ISSUES is to face these issues and realize they are not as "dangerous" as you think,

I have worked with HIV men and women, gay and straight for many years and I got the flu, cold and a headache from NON HIV patience, BUT CAUGHT NOTHING FROM THEM.

educate, then face the fear at your pace. good day, wish you the best of luck~

[pablo_papito]

You all cannot iamgine how much you helped me. I am feelling muuuuuuuuuuuuuuch better.

Really.

I was so scared because of the image of my blood and the "the mental image" of the virus possibly coming in to it, anyway...you know

God bless you all. I am really ok.

[furrycatgal]

I understand what hiv anxiety is I was told also its no risk from sharing a drink with an aids person but its haunting me making me paranoid especially because its my 8 year old dauhgter tha has done it.  We went to a friends house she asked for water and after I mentioned about the water bottled bieng small(my daughter had finished drank)the girl said she bought it today drank some and put it in the fridge and I am worried sick, The doctor told me to get her tested to calm my nerve but every night its hurting and I cry really bad.  I am waiting on the test results right now, I've searched the internet alot but you keep getting mixed answers.  I am hoping and praying to god she is ok.  This thing is tearing me apart

[silverberg]

all I can say is read my last post and GET ANOTHER DOCTOR! HE/SHE IS A QUACK, period!!!! (the caps are not to yell, but to express)

educate yourself on HIV. thats the best medicine, volunteer with hiv people, the fear is only a fear!

[cmur06]

I understand your anxiety, but their is absolutely no way your daughter can have HIV whatsoever.  I understand your doctor trying to calm your nerves, but he should have never even made her get tested just to prove their is absolutely no way you can catch HIV from sharing drinks.  

As stated above you should try educating yourself about HIV, it will help calm your anxiety.  HIV is not easy to catch like a cold

[pablo_papito]

I bought a book from Dr. Robert Gallo (about HIV and Cancer), the developer of the Elisa test and possibly the first to isolate de virus.

Very complex book (adressed to doctors). Talk not much about the ways of transmission. But now I BEGIN to understand how is so difficult to catch HIV, many fases have to occur perfectly (proteins, envelopes, the way to target cells, fragile particles etc.)

And I am reading a lot about bloodstream. I was wondering. Once you are bleeding, you indeed bleed OUT alright? Or not? Like putting out almost any microorganism that just touches that blood?

In the moment of a cut wich bleeds constantly but not so deep is not likely that something enter your bloodstream so easily correct?

I read a lot in this site about for that kind of contact we need lots of blood for maybe a possible infection (Vance, Nursegirl). Is that for sure? Because I also read that the viral load is important.

Sorry, butI feel like I need just a little piece of information to put my mind at ease (or to bare easier the 3 months to the test). Of course is the OCD/Anxiety but any information would help.

The image of my finger bleeding and touching my friend is what my mind keeps picturing.

Thak you for your help.

As for to you furrycatgirl, even I am SURE that your baby has no problem and agree with Silverberg about your doc.

God Bless

[pablo_papito]

Any comment would be apprecciated so I can move on. I am really trying to learn and understand mor about the ways of trasmission.

Thank´s

[greenlydia]

THREE ways to contract HIV

1) Mother to unborn child. You are NOT a woman and you are NOT pregnant.    NO RISK!

2) Sharing drugs works with an HIV+ person. You are NOT a drug user.   NO RISK!

3) UNPROTECTED anal/vaginal sex with an HIV+ partner. You state you ALWAYS use a condom.    NO RISK!

You could have oral sex with a prostitute who is having her period and is HIV+ and you would have NO RISK!

We have talked a great deal, you and I, Pablo. We have covered this ground many times.


HIV is NOT your problem. OCD IS!
You've told me YOURSELF you know it is the OCD that keeps you freaking about HIV.....................

Get professional help for THAT and your HIV fears will go away.

You have been told, many, many times, by incredibly knowledgable people, that you were NEVER at risk. You have now been told by many knowledgable people here the same thing. I DO understand that your OCD thinking will just NOT let it go, which is why you need help.
Educating yourself about HIV was a very positive step for you to take, but with your OCD, it seems that you are only adding fuel to the fire. Instead of reassuring you, this book is adding yet MORE to your list of worries.........you are now asking about "proteins, envelopes, the way to target cells, fragile particles etc." As you said, this book is apparently written more for doctors than lay people and it's filling your head with things almost none of us would understand. I think it's doing you far more harm than good.

I am NOT telling you to go away, Pablo. But what I AM telling you is that those of us on the Anxiety Forum AND the HIV Forum have given you just about all the help we can. We are NOT doctors nor mental health professionals and THAT is who you need. We want you to come here as often as you want for support and encouragement, but none of that is going to "fix" what is wrong.

PLEASE find a good therapist who CAN fix things for you so you can begin to live free of all these worries you carry around. You have done SO much to help yourself live a better and healthier life, you have to be very strong and motivated to change all the things you have. I KNOW you have the strength and the courage to change this.
Begin tomorrow to get your life completely back.
And know that we will always be here for you.
Peace
Greenlydia

[greenlydia]

Your daughter had ZERO risk!
And cmur is spot on when he said your doctor is a bloody moron! He should have told you, RIGHT THEN AND THERE, that there was absolutely NO reason to have your daughter tested.
Look what he has done............sending your child for a test that may frighten her, YOU are scared out of your wits, your daughter is no doubt picking up on your fear, and if this "exposure" happened less than three months ago, the test will not be conclusive...........this idiot doctor has created a storm of fear out of his ignorance. If you want reassurance that your daughter was NEVER at risk, post on the HIV Forum. (But post only once, so ask ALL your questions the first time!)
Peace
Greenlydia
  

[furrycatgal]

I agree with greenlydia, the more you research it put more fears into your head and that's what have been really happening to mebecause I am saying what if that water had in blood and I had forgot to mentioned she had loose a teeth the day before this incident.  I am agreeing the fear takes over your life but thanks to everyone here who has lent me some encouraging words.

[greenlydia]

I'm happy to hear that you've calmed down about your daughter's "risk." Which, as I said before, she NEVER had. Even if her little friend had spit her loose tooth covered with blood into that bottle of water, the risk to your daughter would STILL have been ZERO!

It's a crazy world out there........no doubt about it and there are a million things we must worry about, but everyone freaks out FIRST and THEN stops to learn the facts.
We've got it all backwards, people.

Now go grab that perfectly healthy little girl of yours and go play in the mud. (And don't Google "mud" or you'll find out it's crawling with bacteria.............) LOL
Peace
Greenlydia  

[furrycatgal]

You really made me feel better but it is my daughter that had lose the tooth the day before so if blood was in te water the risk will still remain the same.

Thank you and have a great day.

[nursegirl6572]

I understand that it is your child you are worried about, therefore, it may be harder to let go of your irrational thinking....but as you can hopefully see by reading the HIV Prevention Forum, HIV Phobias are very real.....common, and if left untreated, can become quite a problem.

Bottom line is...your daughter NEVER had a risk....loose tooth, chapped lips, or otherwise.  It is simply not physiologically possible for HIV to be transmitted in this manner (sharing drinking glasses, silwerware, food, etc).  Think of it this way....even deep kissing poses ZERO risk to an uninfected partner, no one has EVER become infected by kissing, mutual masturbation, even oral sex, with their POSITIVE partners...therefore, the situation with your daughter certainly is NO risk at all.

HIV is an extremely weak virus that requires a set of near perfect circumstances to allow for transmission.  One, infection must occur INSIDE the body, where the virus's genetic make-up can be preserved.  Two, there must be signifiicant exposure to infectious fluids.  There are also MANY other aspects that must be present when considering infection, including viral load, amongst other things.  Even people who have engaged in unprotected sex with a POS person have not become infected, that is how difficult it is to transmit the virus.  Now, of course, that isn't to say that people shouldn't be ultra careful and always protect themselves when it comes to insertive sex, because the risk still exists, however, I'm just illustrating that even a high risk situation does not always lead to infection.  In a nutshell, the virus simply isn't capable of infecting others when it is outside of the body, exposed to the elements...especially when it is on an environmental surface, like a glass.  Even IF if was a risk, saliva contains enzymes that help to destroy and futher inactivate the virus.

Therefore, you simply need to move on and get past this.  Your daughter was never at risk.  If you cannot seem to accept the facts that she was never at risk, then I strongly suggest that you seek some professional help to aid you in putting this behind you.  Anxiety and phobias not addressed can lead to anxiety disorders like many of the people in this forum suffer from, and can truly be life altering in a negative way.  Of course, there is treatment, but you are in a position to nip it in the bud before it gets any more out of hand.  

I think the recommendation that your daughter be tested was deplorable, because it not only fed into your fears, but also has subjected your dtr to unnecessary medical procedures, and has instilled an irrational fear into your daughter as well.  However, if you feel you absolutely NEED to have her tested to help you move forward, then have her tested ONCE at the 3 month mark, but be SURE to try to explain to her that it is only to put your mind at ease, and then educate her about the fact that this kind of exposure does not pose any risk.  The last thing you need, she needs, or this world needs...which is already FILLED with so many erroneous ideas about HIV...is her to have a seed planted that HIV is transmitted by casual contact.

Good luck...hope you can sincerely move past this...and lead your daughter down the correct path.  Education about the REAL risks of this disease is crucial, and sadly, not many people are exposed to that...instead they learn many of the myths and falsehoods that are passed along based out of fear alone.

[pablo_papito]

Ok then, read enough, educated enough, tired of thinking.

Today my brain is about to explode. I processed tons of information, don´t even know what to think anymore, if this, if that, probabilities, and so on....

I recognize it has become a mind issue. I understand (and accept) the scientific facts but is like there is another self always there to say: STOP, you cannot relax because there is always a tiny winny probability, you cannot be happy again -  and then I keep sad (very sad).

Please I DON´T WANT you to say to me I was never at risk or things like that, don´t even go to this field.

I know the problem is my conditioned mind. I just want any orientation in the anxiety field (once you have experience on that).

The feeling is like I didn´t had the right to take my life again normally after these incidents you know? Like I was not allowed to be free of these thoughts once I would be selfish and would not be caring for me and for others. Like I was not allowed to think in my  future the way I was...

My mom said, stop searching, stop reading, suffer if you will but let it go, just like that.

One good thing I can say is that I am passing through all this being COMPLETELY sober (did not go back to drinking nor smoking, nor nothing), and I am still doing sports and eating (very) healthy food.

If you don´t want to respond that´s ok. Writing reliefs me, and knowing such special and knowledgeable people makes me feel better.

Anyway, I am emotinaly and mentaly exausted. I WILL force me to give a break. I am seeking a professional help but it is difficult once I never had this kind of treatment, and here were I live mental doctors are not really abundant.

Thank you always

[nursegirl6572]

Congrats on the decision to seek some help, you'll be so glad you did.

Hon, your problem is guilt!  You are feeling guilty over your "indiscretions" in the past and somehow feel that your stress and agony over this is what you "deserve".  That is just silly.  You also are going thru a major life change in getting sober, which is fantastic, but it isn't easy....it often comes with a lot of emotional lability.

You are HUMAN, not infallible...not perfect, we all make mistakes.

Get yourself some help and realize that nothing in your past changes who YOU are or were.  

[silverberg]

Sorry buddy but you are out of line, if you ask for advise, your gonna get it and the advise is here to HELP YOU, never tell someone not to say this or that to you, most people on this forum are not here to "slam you" but to help you!

I hope you get the help you need, but please remember sometimes we get advise we DON'T LIKE and it most likely it's the advise we need to hear!

my understanding is  HIV forum said enough of you and  this forum is a little more relaxed, but If you hear from 2 separate forums that something is wrong, you are not accepting the advise YOU CAME HERE SEEKING (NO ONE FORCED YOU) THEN it's time to man up and say maybe it's not the forums, but ME!

Again I wish you the best and hope you really work on your issues!

People here have more patients then me,  I am like the HIV forum people, I think I am on the same lines as them, you can help someone, but if they keep coming back with excuses then my time is done with them, BECAUSE THERE ARE TOO MANY PEOPLE OUT there that want help.

this is all said with love man, wish you the best!

[nursegirl6572]

LOL AT SILVERBERG!!!

Patience is a  virtue huh?  That's why I am installing a 4 ft by 4 ft brick wall next to my pc....so I can bang my head on it!  :0)

Im definitely more patient in this forum than down the road at the HIV forum, b/c while I see people being resistant in both places....the people here have got NUTTIN on the posters over there...course you already know that!  :0)

Peace!

[pablo_papito]

I don´t think you understood my post. I was just seeking help toward my anxiety.

I said that I didn´t want people to said nothing about any no risk situation just to be clear that I am not using this forum for that and don´t to bother anymore with this issue.

And of course I understand that I am the problem, that´s why I am reamined in this forum and am changing completely the focus on the help I need.

I haven´t said that there is any problem with this forum, on the contrary, even you were very helpful.

I am trying to find help to deal with my anxiety thoughts. If I am being out of the line by that fact, just tell me, I will vanish. (I got the message in the HIV Forum and got out, although I really found disrespectful some legitimate posts of mine being deleted)

The way you put is like the job is done here, and I don´t have the right to post nothing. Didn´t think it was like that.

I hope I don´t get to the conclusion that´s the way you treat all here.

Nursegirl, thank you for your words, didn´t want to make you bang your head over a wall.

[silverberg]

what I was saying is I WANT YOU to post here, to continue to post here, but, and yes the big BUTT, read your own post, you ask the  question and unlike the HIV forum were the people there are saying to you 'DUDE YOUR NEG. ACCEPT IT, THERE IS NO MORE WE CAN DO FOR YOU HERE' this is a true and valid statement by them, I am not defending them as a matter of fact, it use to really **** me off at all the people they sent this way, until I realized, that they (HIV FORUM) is correct , all they can do is TELL YOU YOU CAN'T GET HIV FROM THE WAYS YOU (pablo-papito) HAVE MENTIONED.

Now has for this forum, PLEASE understand that, we are here to help you with your Anxiety issues and NOT YOUR HIV ISSUES (that has already been taken care of, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink) ;-)  here comes another BUT.... but in your own post your anxiety was from the start about HIV issues, so that is the root from all the post you write about, am I wrong? So yes you will be reminded of that in HELPING YOU WITH YOUR HIV ANXIETY..

What is interesting here is the HIV forum did not kick you out, they can only tell you the FACTS and if you keep questioning them, that is where they can no longer help you? facts are facts.  Now YOU are in the postion of the HIV forum people, we in the anxiety forum are saying work on accepting your HIV anxiety issues, and your saying enough, I get it already!
Which is fine, but when you say that, MEAN IT, don't follow up with a post with the same concern, because then your either playing a game or not willing to accept the facts.

Please understand people in this forum, we are not paid to write on here, we are people just like you with Anxiety/Panic issues and are in different stages of getting BETTER. so please understand, we don't take time to write back, because we have nothing better to do, we do this to help you and ourselves.

So lets move forward from here, and please update us on your progress! And remember, if you say,,,,,, "welll this HIV is freaking me out etc",,,, we are going to REMIND YOU OF THE FACTS ON HIV to help you get it and keep it in your mind.

ps. the CAPS are not yelling , but more of what I use to "emphasise" my point.

[greenlydia]

YOUR wall has nothin' on MY wall, girlfriend! MY first wall was only 4 feet thick, too! Lasted about a week........(those three little pigs didn't know squat, but then, they weren't on MH were they!)
I have now constructed a sensory deprivation chamber next to my computer and when MY patience is gone, I slip inside, slam the lid and get into my stash of "Hikers De-Hydrated Martini Mix." The only sound I hear is the teensy, weensy "plink" of the olive.
As a bonus, I no longer have those awful, brick induced headaches.
My "chamber" is built for two, so the next time you're out West, do drop in, we'll write a few posts and then retire for some refreshments.

Sorry, everyone, for the totally off-topic turn of conversation, perhaps my patience was wearing a tad thin?
I now return control of your computers.............

[nursegirl6572]

lydia.....lmao.

Girl, you're a riot.  Must be those dehydrated olives.

:0)