So I wasn't sure if it was appropriate to discuss what I'm about to discuss but here it goes anyway...
A bit of history first- I'm 19 years old, I used to suffer from depression about 2 years ago i was on medication and gradually weined myself off the medication and recovered successfully, have been fine since. Apparently i'm predisposed to depression as my mum has suffered it for most of her life and has always been on meds for it ever since I can remember. So anyway....
Just over a month ago I went out with a friend who is aquite into recreational drugs, we had a very big night and I made a few stupid decisions by taking multiple drugs at the same time. We started off smoking weed, had a little bit of speed, then took acid and then had pure MDMA and then smoked quite a bit more weed because it would be "good for the come down". I've done other drugs before, but never this much at the same time.The whole time I was fine until i experienced a really horrible comedown. I was extremely extremely paranoid, i was hearing voices in my head, my brain was making me believe delluded stories, one moment i was euphoricly happy and thought i was calming down then the next moment i thought i was going to die. I'm not exagerating, this was extremely terrifying and such a horrible experience I wish it on nobody. I had a panic attack at one stage when the car door was locked and I thought i was dying, i burst into tears and couldnt breathe properly, i could have sworn that death was creeping up on me. It hurt my head a lot but as soon as the door opened it was alright and i calmed down. At one stage i begged my friend to take me to hospital because i believed i was going insane and "stuck in the trip" but she was really good and made me understand that after i slept i would be fine.
She was right, after i slept i woke up and felt much better but ever since that night I haven't felt right. I cannot stop thinking about what i went through. It's always in the back of my mind, i always get scared that i'm going to fall back into that state again and that i've done some serious damage. I've been suffering from anxiety ever since and i've started to notice some of the symptoms i had before i was diagnosed with depression last time. I believe I smoke too much weed and understand this is contributing to the way i'm feeling a lot, but i smoked all the time before this big night and never felt this way it's only been since that night. I feel as though i have two voices in my head, one is telling me i'm crazy and going mental, the other one is being rational and just telling me that i'm ok and that it's all in my head. I get feelings of paranoia much more often now. I always think of the worst. I just feel like there is this big dark scary mysterious cloud following me everywhere i go just watching me and waiting to unleash itself in the form of a psychotic episode or something. I have also lost a lot of motivation to do uni work. I've started getting a random twitch in my eye which goes off atleast once a day, i don't know if that's related to it at all? But i'm just worried, i really don't want to fall back into bad mental health again, particularly after something so silly. I can't stop thinking about it and analysing my thoughts and i really don't want to go back on medication. I haven't spoke to a doctor yet because of the nature of the situation i don't know if i'de feel comfortable doing so, i know that's a stupid thing because it's their job but i'm not sure if it's worth it. Maybe i just need to give myself some time to get over a traumatic experience? I'm just really unsure what to do.
Can anybody explain to me what i'm going through? Should i just wait it out, or should i speak to a doctor?