Very anxious please help

[VANBEK]

Hi im extremely worried, I am in a foriegn country....and joined Aikido at a local university, because im naturally a sociable person i try to talk to everyone and get along regardless of race and sex, as I grew up and had acquaintances of different races as friends where I came from.To cut to the chase...we spar and practice moves shown by our sensei and senor mentor and we have to practice with the different individuals all the time.

I then sort of had a crush on one of the ladies in the class but i didn't do any thing funny but just be sociable and humorous...as I naturally am.I did not know that her boy friend is one of the students in the class who is a bit more senior than me....putting all the pieces together she was hesitant to practice with me on Friday...and was looking around sort of reluctantly or in the spirit of "im gona get into trouble for this" (we have to spar with the nearest of nearest opposite proximity in the Dojo).At a marshal arts display at the Japanese embassy yesterday (Sat).i went about my business greeting every one  ..however when i came to the girl in question and greeted her and the guy who I now believe is the boy friend they ignored me completely ...one of the senior students with them then was courteous enough to respond even though I had greeted him earlier. I am worried that some of these guys may gang bang me after practice tomorrow as they have shown me rudeness already. I stick out like a soar thumb...and i'm now extremely worried that i might find life difficult there...Am I the problem? I wonder..I dont want to violate anyones relationship or appear an idiot or be labled someone who is after other peoples girls...please advise...

[VANBEK]

I was at Aikido last night and i minded my business..I tried to be as much out of troubles reach as possible...I did however spar once with the girl in question since she was the nearest person to me at one time....guess what she was gaving me a naughty looks..but I kept professional....I feel sorry for her love struck and possessive boy friend..if she cared about him she would not proceed with this kind on mischief...if it was some other guys I know they would not have hesitated taking things further......so much unnecessary anxiety over something that I was not guilty for....need to learn to stop being hard on myself for nothing...its draining...

[VANBEK]

Thanks Greenlydia, maybe i just got over anxious about getting beaten up tonite...in hind sight I don't think the senior student would allow it...since he intervened to be nice to me after the couple ignored my greetings.I am a person who likes to live harmoniously with others at all cost...I really honestly did not know that they were going together...and as it seems i actually want to avoid any chit chatter with anyone after practice for some time, just exchange niceties and go home....they may be some extra sensitivity on my part and pressure on myself to be diplomatic and not be a threat to others....

[RubyWitch]

If you've done nothing more than have a crush on this woman and have done nothing inappropriate and have realized and accepted that she is more than likely in a relationship with someone else in your dojo, then the problem belongs to the boyfriend. From what you say, he comes across as both jealous and controlling. The fact neither of them responded to your greeting at the embassy supports my theory.

But some things in your post left me confused and just a little shocked.
The statement that has me really upset is this one:

"I am worried that some of these guys may gang bang me after practice tomorrow as they have shown me rudeness already. I stick out like a soar thumb."

If you honestly believe that some of these guys may "gang bang" you tomorrow after practice, then you absolutely MUST contact your sensei and let him know of your concerns and what has been going on. Let him know that you are very worried these people will make it unberable for you to continue at this dojo.

You ask if you are the problem. I can't really answer that with any certainty as I've only got one side of this story. Yours.

You say.................." I dont want to violate anyones relationship or appear an idiot or be labled someone who is after other peoples girls."

This goes back to something I said before, about once you found out this girl was already in a relationship. Did you back off? Did you flirt or make it obvious you were trying to be close to her so she'd have to spar with you? I guess what I'm asking is did you bring some of this trouble down on your own head?

I can only advise a frank and honest discussion with your sensei and follow his advice.
Peace
Greenlydia